hi it's Nicole Brandon and Welcome to our glass dried we have such a special and such an extraordinary show for you today we have Valentine's approaching us and many of you are frightening and whether you're longing or waiting or wishing and wanting for someone special in your life or you're in a relationship in your hoping that this is the time that somebody will composer you been married 25 years and you want to deepen your enemy fetuses usually the time of the year when we focus on the heart and our passion and our dreams will today's gas is Steve Ellis and his method of dating has helped thousands of people around the world by removing the root cause of suffering in relationships imagine if you can remove the root cause of suffering in relationships he works on the mindset and he shared the skill sets that when we talked about bringing you the tools in the keys and the
happily ever after she really teaches you how to do that it's a methodology that anyone can Implement into their daily lives he helps marriage and relationships that aren't working he inspires people to live happy more fulfilled lives and I am so excited today to talk to Steve Zellers is he is eating differently and he also has authentic theater and just Overjoyed to have somebody who has so much heart so much wisdom and so much knowledge and shares just so beautifully he's giving his talents today on our glass Pride Steve welcome to the show
thank you so much for having me Nicole such a joy to have you here today and this is the time of the year on the heart and love and I guess my first question I always love to ask her I guess that's good did you know Factor when you were a small child and you were six and seven and eight were you coming relationships were you making things in your house easy for other people as this pain as skilled it's been inside of you or is it something that somehow you grew into or something so I can change your life bed step into this world
I love that question I think if you if we work backwards from where we are today the things that have transpired throughout our lives are the things that makes the person that we become so I'm trying to pinpoint a time where I thought hey I want to make a difference in people's love lives and it really was only about 5 years ago that I decided to do this and kind of break out of corporate America but it is a result of what I said earlier about really looking back at those points in your lives were okay that at that age this happened so that I can learn what I know now and then that develops into another understanding and eventually you get to this point where you like I just have this Burning Desire this mission to help change the world in this way
I love that what a beautiful answer and I mean when babies cry they just want to be held and I know that you know I have two little dogs on Wednesday and she will cry and cry until I take her sub I know that long just to be loved and so when do people find you do they come to you because there's a I can't find my soulmate or my dream where do people come to you because it's not working in their hardest soccer at the low point of the Nave to the journey once when I say it's a lot of points some of the ones you said plus that point where you just say Not Another Day not another minute you know how I think in AA or Weight Watchers people can really tell that moment because in AA they say well we're going to take your look driver's license to put you in jail if you drive again under the influence and in Weight Watchers they say people will often say
I saw this one picture of myself and at that point I knew I was not going to do anything else but get in there and in dating it's really hard cuz there's not a rock bottom we have those moments after a breakup or we have those moments where we're really frustrated or we're just lonely or like you said just longing and that's not rock bottom and in our friends in our family will always tell us what we want to hear cuz it just want us to be happy and they just love us
to start I mean dating differently because first of all I love the name I love the title I went to your website and it's this is going to be great
oh thank you
well dating differently has been around probably
for years and it was part of it because authentic dater wasn't resonating with the people I was trying to reach because there was a little bit of education on the front end up dating differently is basically saying if it's kind of the definition of insanity thing that everybody just says this cliche all the time but if what you're doing is not working you got to try something different to do the same thing over and over expecting results it's just crazy
it's so true it's absolutely man and everybody can relate to that and I know that you have a 30-day dating differently Challenge and so how does that work how do you share with somebody their ways and their staffs to really be able to change your life and be able to have that happily ever after
well the easiest way I could explain it without having actually set foot in one of those workshops for people who are listening is
actually taking that time and you know when you turn off your cell phone and you're actually focused in and you're very present and you're with another group of people on the same Mission you can actually listen to what's possible and so we begin to help you paint that picture and we bring a lot of tools and a lot of awareness to the Forefront so the people can grab onto the tools they can use right now so it's not one system that's going to follow these steps exactly like this but I think love is an art and a science and it's only within each individual so if I go to workshop and I'm giving a lot of tools and exposure to a lot of people on the same Mission I have the opportunity to grab onto what's going to work for me and so we do it in modules and if I was going to just really high-level it I would say the first module is authenticity and clarity
to get really clear on who I am why I'm doing this what do I want my end results to be as well as who can help me along this Mission and so part of this process is building a support and accountability team similar to buy talked about AAA in WWE earlier this is DeeDee so I guess it's all double letters but the process has a lot of authenticity a lot of self-love in it there's a lot of healing in it because without going deep into this I know you that I've studied your website and what you do and you're very into the healing and the spiritual side of where are some of those wrong turns when we were younger that weren't even necessarily ours and our programming but we have these limiting beliefs that keep us stuck where we are for a really long time and we bring those into our marriage is or dating and then we get bad results and then we can
on having what I call relationship Groundhog Day because until that initial damage is healed or at least you have coping mechanisms for it it's going to keep happening over and over and over again
okay I'm still glad you said that because we have people in our audience are listening right now that has been married two three four five times and they're looking for a relationship now or they're in a relationship right now that they are hoping this one will stink so how does one prevent that Perpetual Groundhog Day in a relationship in those same issues coming up over and over and over again
good question I'm going to say that it's totally an individual sport so one formula doesn't work for everyone but I'll say a big broad formula that if you start with this you're going to come up with a solution that will work for you and I would start it by saying you know there are lots of people who are healers out there and there's thousands of different ways to do it you know you've heard of Reiki in any tea there's just a ton of these different things that people have tried and I'm not going to say there's a particular modality that work for everybody but find the one that works for you but also meditation and being really clear on you know letting yourself be still and listen to your own intuition you can find a lot of these things and you know where they are journaling is also a great way to get clear on what are those things that may be stuck in my subconscious
as such I know you teach this as well so we can talk about subconscious these are the things that continue to be triggered by other people and we don't know why but whatever that other person did really bothers me so bad that I transfer the anger that I feel from their stimulus and my reaction to it on to that person and it all happens instantaneously so we actually think we're mad at the person and we are upset with that person and we don't know why and it's those subconscious injuries
I'm glad that you're talkin about subconscious injuries because we have people that are listening to this show and you know you can all Breathe Here for a minute but that have been raised you abused emotionally and physically and through learning to trust love again
it's huge
the allowing to be loved that allowing to go there and try to feel worthy of love and so is that part of the subconscious Journey as well.
absolutely the the part where we have to learn to trust other people starts with us because we blame ourselves for every relationship that never worked out we hold it against ourselves for trusting somebody who heard us and really that's holding me back from doing it ever again if I don't trust myself to make a good decision how can I ever trust another person
that's brilliant absolutely and what about those I know that I was reading in your bio that you rescue marriages and you save marriages as well and so when people feel like I just can't take this another day I just can't be here another second or they're not listening to me they're not paying attention to me you are an invisible and so how do you step into those fields
okay I will say the best of the worst is the one that never happens
and if I get if I get those to come in to meet me at some point they fell in love enough to say I forsake all others for you and most psychotherapists if they got to their office they would say hey let's get you back to the beginning and what were those feelings and what were those things that they complimented you and what make your life better because they're in it and getting people to do kind of some regression to get back to the beginning of a relationship that's fine but the first place I would start its get people to go and deal with their own individual subconscious injuries first and it's not super long journey it's not something that takes years and years and years to do depending on the modality you choose to deal with it but if both people go after those those things and do their healing and we can talk about this later in the talk if you like.
I think that's the best place to start a relationship before things get physical is the healing part
we all could do that don't know what a wonderful world could all just reach out and he'll each other I mean it's just it's such a beautiful thought and such a beautiful stream of Consciousness and I love that you start with the shelf and so I'd love to talk about this time of year because this time of year has a lot of disappointments and a lot of longing a lot of pain and a lot of heartache and then it also has a lot of lust and passion and people supposed this time most people propose on Valentine's are in the holidays and they want to make this special and so can you talk a little bit about the Valentine's Day and it's gay that you were supposed to be able to be with and beloved or Sherry
well I might surprise you on this one
you know it's part of the reason why it's called Valentine's Day is there was a saint
and it's actually more of a tragic story that it is a love story but like many of our holidays it is in the place that it's in because of it fit in the Roman Calendar in that place and usually they're replacing a a pagan holiday with a Roman Holiday with the church Catholic Church from where they their hole in the calendar that we use now come from
but I want to speak to that longing because what that is is it's kind of like ghosts in Olympics system there's three main parts of the brain and limbic system holds those emotions that came that we had when we were in those loving relationships
and it doesn't shut off just because the person is gone so that's where the longing comes from and if we think of it as they're just they're still brain impulses and their memories if we think of it that way it's a little easier the danger is when we go looking for another person to replace that because I know I know I'm capable of all this love now need to go find a new person to give it all to it we're not in a healthy place that's a dangerous thing to do because then you you're going to get yourself into two and three and some people are 12 relationships deep without ever doing the healing part
and then we know that hurt people hurt people and it's just a cycle
that's the negative side not the answer what you said about you know the love part in the wow this is such a beautiful time of the year cuz we're right before spring and I think that's it's kind of like when grass starts to grow in your yard and start see the buds on the on the leaves and it's like everything's coming alive and I really think that it's kind of like the precursor to Spring is why people have that feeling this time of year we're coming out of the Dead Winter
but I want to talk to you about the the chemicals in our brains called dopamine and serotonin that is what people generally confused with love that in the butterflies in the stomach
we actually all naturally produce dopamine and serotonin all the time
and we see another person with our eyes and because of this primitive part of our brain that tells us what we think is attractive when we see it we release our own dopamine and serotonin creating those feelings of attraction or infatuation and it's more less than it is love
I'm so glad that you just said that because that was one of my questions for you as well is that I have a friend of mine and he moved to America and he's just learning English so he asked me all the time you know what's the difference between tiny and small and small and speak what's the difference between risk and fear what's the difference between Street and Avenue and give me the difference between fusion hug
the difference between love and passion or love and lust from we think round love and it's something else can you talk on it
sure well let's let's go to the meaning making that we do all of us as individuals with their maybe eight eight billion people on this planet but each one of us has our own universe
elaborate we we create meaning from stimulus whatever happens to us around us our friends and our family and all the programming that we pick up as we are little tiny kids and even in the womb there's there's things to pick up if the mother is stressed the baby actually picks that up and it affects their health potentially but as we are growing up we are constantly picking up these stimuli and we're making meaning from it
and you know your friend who has the language challenge good luck cuz English is a tough language when it comes to all those differences between small words more than most languages from what I hear from people who have multiple languages that they know but the difference between love and lust
it depends on your meaning that you have for it last most people would agree is you know I don't know anything about that person but they turn me on
or the connection that I feel when I'm close to this person is so hot I can't stop myself I have to you know be physical with them if that's available and it's mutual love is something I think different of there are a lot of definitions everything from the Greek Agape which is friendship and you know the kind of church love that you have for your church family all the way up to Heroes switch is hey let's do this we're getting physical right now because I can't stop myself and everything in between
love
by my definition is giving and it's a feeling of you don't feel loved and once you're actually being loving
you're not expecting you're just giving and to me that's more love than what most people would put their definition out there like well if you love me then I love you or will I loved you where's my love back love is giving without any expectation
and when you find two people who can do that for each other and they're responsible for filling their own glass and both are overflowing to each other that is my picture of what love is
it's going to lose you there I always love whenever that happens always think the energy is so strong in the universe that could stay it's but it's possible
ask Ali Jita where I cut off
I don't but if you want to share with me what you were just saying I will jump back and I know the producers will be typing like mad like right now so I know that you were sharing we were talking about the chemical balance and the difference between lust and love when we have that passion and how all the sudden you were saying when you with somebody and you want to be physical with them and you automatically go into that place
yeah well it's it just is natural and eat with the instinctual it's like a it's a couple of animals who can't speak but they're definitely speaking each other's language when you get to that and then after that I was cuz I was kind of talking about more what love is to me because we all have our own meetings and for me love is a giving thing and it's unconditional and only when were in a space of being loving can we get it it doesn't have a lot of expectations of it coming back and I think that's one of the meanings that has been really I think taking over people's minds as far as what love means is and I think it's largely a function of marketing you know if you watched some of these commercials every kiss begins with k I'm sorry for that plug they just got but
that is that's not love that's jewelry
hash
and I think loves been hijacked sometimes we think we're in love when we see someone more attracted to or you hear this question all the time oh do you believe in love at first sight well I believe in lust at First Sight that's very possible but love at first sight is how could you know what you love about that person besides their external beauty
why do you think Stephen it's so difficult for somebody to say I love you
why is it hard for people to say I love you
I'm going to say because they're not letting themselves first
you know if you don't have it. There's there's nothing on the cupboard you can't give it to anyone else
are you familiar with the
my familiar with The Four Agreements the book by Don Miguel Ruiz 6 it's about the Magic Kitchen
and if our Approach To Love Is All I Have It All I give it to myself I you know I cook in this kitchen for everyone for free and I don't charge but if we start to get away from that then we don't have it to give anyone else and we need somebody else to give us something before we have anything for anyone else
so responsibility
the responsibility for having that unconditional love kitchen is mine and each individual's
I love on your website when you say that dating a dating life that you love starts way before you need that other person I think that was my favorite line because we don't think about that it starts beforehand or even if there's any self work to do before we meet someone we're sort of like the Pac-Man people you know what's going on just getting everything at her bring up that point because I think being single is one of the greatest opportunities that's out there
people have a humongous opportunity to grow to learn to contribute to themselves to their family to a community to a country you don't have I mean a really good solid relationship requires a lot of time and attention and effort and presents and if you are not in one of those relationships at this moment then you got a huge opportunity to have all that growth and all of that learning that really you don't you wouldn't have the time for it because you're in a relationship I really good relationship a lot of times people are thinking well what would the other person want for dinner tonight before I think about what I want or you thinking of it at the same time it's a dual thinking process was like oh well I'm not just thinking of myself I'm I'm thinking for both of us that's most healthy relationships do that and have a single person you don't have to do
you're really working for yourself in that situation
it's a miracast on a couple weeks ago and
to see what it is like 87% or something I'm sure that I'm in the right ballpark people like everywhere that night
people don't know what they want and do you know I never know and I was going to have that evening and so unless it's like a plan that you're catering or something like that or cooking inside meal for somebody and so just the idea that we don't know what we want and what we looking for somebody is asking to your question is there a type like that if somebody really like brunettes or blondes or they like somebody with hazel eyes do people fall over and over and over and over and over again for the same type
well I would say that there are some things that people look for in general and if you've ever heard of the Chinese face reading or seen any of this there there's literally everybody's heard of this magic ratio Marilyn Monroe and Twiggy it already had the 1.3 1 to 3 or something like that
those are those are actually cues from all the way back to prehistoric times because people are looking for somebody who's healthy and it's a little different in different cultures but it's about how far apart your eyes are how you know how tall someone is then it's different for men and women because women a lot of times the first thing a woman is always looking for in general is security so if the guy is taller than her that makes her feel safe because he's physically imposing and if you've ever been on any of these sites and he dating site it's the women are always sounding like they're being discriminatory towards guys because they have a minimum height requirement even though they're nowhere near 5:10 or 6 ft that is a type is tall right
yes and then for men this is it Sky don't want to sound sexist but you this is men are just flat-out they're looking for somebody who's very physically attractive and height weight proportionate its but that's always the requirement for guys
that's amazing I remember reading once that one of the attractive features like way back from like the painters you know the Ruben s x is that men look for women with rosy cheeks
back then it was seen as a sign of health and if a woman was way overweight it meant that she was rich
that's that during the Renaissance that was why you see all those paintings like that
which that's interesting to that nudity was seen as art back then and now it is seen as either obscene or you know risque when even way back when people got in big trouble for even looking at someone the wrong way it was seen as art
what's funny as you travel on different country I mean in other countries people are body free and body beautiful and you can go into a spot where their men and women and children whatever and and people think nothing of it and here we have so many limitations in the United States and I know people are listening to those of you that everything from Alton South Africa and those of you that are out there all over the world does not necessarily apply to you and if anything Bravo to you for being able to be free and trust in yourself and in the world but it's interesting limitations that we put on herself in her own fears and our own failures in our own schwebel's of our body image
12 here in this country I think we started off very Puritan puritanical and it was seen as very negative if you showed anything more than your wrists and kind of the Quaker times and it starting on our thirteen Original Colonies but the birthday suit is what we came into this earth end and it's not it's not dirty and I think it's actually been turned against us now in this country it's used in marketing it doesn't matter what you're selling now if you're if you're trying to reach a male audience between 18 and 35 you would use a photo of a really attractive woman and that's what you're going to use no matter what your product is
cuz I guess you have a friend of mine who lives in Germany and he considers his body perfect just ever since he was a little kid you know he's just very happy that his naked body is would make anything more attractive he would stand in front of the Mona Lisa naked and think it's a better photographs because he's in it and the body confidence is amazing and just to see somebody with that Stamper that imprint of reality or safety or trust in who they are and confidently they are they carry so differently that somebody else that has all these fears and these do you know whatever that is and so I you know I love that were talking about this and I've got a question here somebody is asking about greeting cards
Okay so
is it important to write what's in your heart to someone or is it better to share it with somebody or if you do not get a greeting card should you feel unloved by Worthy well I think the person who asked that probably knows the answer is a card is not does not add to your self-esteem or it's okay you just sit on a really big Nerf for me Valentine's Day candy if we're not careful a referendum on a relationship
Google do a good relationship does not need a Friendly Card on that day now is it a good idea for a guy to get one so that it doesn't turn into a referendum yes but isn't that kind of a form of blackmail by Hallmark
and what if you have somebody like a secretary or an assistant male or female that shops for you that says oh it's your husband's birthday or your wife's birthday or Valentine's and and they just I do order
and so it doesn't come from you
then that's pretty personal I would if I was doing that as an executive I would say find me three three different types of and I'll choose from them and you can return the other to save them for you know another occasion but to me this is a pretty personal one cuz you're going to write something in there and ideally a Valentine's card does not just you don't just sign it and act like everything the card says is what you're saying to the person I would really hope that people would write a nice paragraph of hot what they are actually feeling in addition to whatever the card says on it
it's these are such great answers and that we have a question about children so when someone has a newborn baby or when there are children involved and all of a sudden somebody's love goes from their Partners to their kids
so what's the question
so they're asking about the still making your partner feel special or how do you mean 10 loved or how do you let somebody know you love them when you are I guess boggled down Fuji my interpretation of what they're saying here with their children or thanks so much attention to details with her kids that their partner feel well I'll answer that when a little scientifically because we mentioned the the love chemicals earlier and the strongest one of them is oxytocin
and that is also known as the bonding chemical in when you're dating before kids all the oxytocin is between the couple that's the bonding
but when there's a baby you've got postpartum you've got oxytocin which is stronger between the mother and the child then it is between the mother and the father
and so it's going to take some real maturity from that man to understand that the strongest love in the world is actually between a mother and her child
and it's he's he's actually become second I hate to say that out loud because it's something I believe for a long time but when there's a baby that situation creates itself and its oxytocin especially soon after the birth
so there's a lot of maturity and it requires understanding of that situation and unfortunately especially in our country I think it ends up not going to save that creates the divorce but it begins a divide that makes some resentment that eventually bills up to what could be a divorce for not careful
incident how do you stay on that path and how do you make your partner feel cherished and loved and how do you know that you need to do that
well it's it's kind of a valve thing you know you you promised and you swore in front of God and everybody seen you know that this is the one and it includes all the ups and downs including this chemical imbalance right now that makes her way closer than to you so you're responsible for the commitment that you made even though you may not be getting everything you expect her everything that you thought was automatically yours that love begins to it's split and it's not gone it's just the newness of the mother-child thing is it takes over and it's she's not doing it because she doesn't care about you so you can't pull back your love for that reason you got to be you got to put it on actually I think would be the smarter thing to do
I like that you have to put your love on it's just such a beautiful way to think about it we had a Reverend John Ireland on who marries celebrities and their Ozzy Osbourne he's just he's amazing and one of the things he said when he was on the show he said it is not a compliment
I like you
what are you going to do now that I've given you that what you going to give me
so I love what you're sharing I think that's so special and it's so wonderful and it's so true as he searched for lunch and then we have one here on online dating finding love what do you think about online dating sites or singles groups
that's a great question. Question we're so what I would like to say about online dating sites matchmaking sites setups meet up sites any of that they all work and it sounds weird from somebody who's a dating expert but every single one of those works but I'll give you a caveat you have to do the work before any of those are going to work
so I love it they all work and how inspiring for all of you out there in the audience today as we step into Valentine's he was staying the night at my favorite things on the commercials was they have quit several besides have you ever met somebody who met that way and I like yes you know John Fred Susie whatever you do very good through and have you tried it now am I not and I know that we have had several experts on that I've talked to us about how to create a profile or how to whatever that is and you but I knew the most important thing right now is that you have to be a hole
thank you for the person before you go on that site and then a lot of people and I hate to say this but I'm just going to jump to send an answer to get your opinion and advice on that are not truthful on their profile because they think that if they write something else then somebody will love that instead of sharing the olives who they really are
that's a very good one to people tend to write what they wish they were and they hope that this other person will inspire them to be the absolute best version of themselves even better than they are I call it the third foot cuz you know how you're trying to put your best foot forward you only have two
I also called the representative this is not me this is my representative
body and you are not let's go back to your first authentic Gator when you are not near authentic self
so what happens is even subconsciously whoever the person that has been given false information even just a perception of false information and usually they lie about ages or that picture being ten years old and it's it is
set that is starting off with Ally and it's you can't really fix that because before we ever met in person you told me something that wasn't true and now I find out it is the truth and
so how can I trust you to tell me the truth about anything else is what people are saying subconsciously
it's so wonderful when you say that because so often that happens un people do put pictures that are not only of themselves you know 10 15 20 years ago but other friends Christy your meet you and Tony entanglements happened. And we've had callers talk about this and so I think it's such a wonderful thing for you to say that you don't want to start with a lie that you want to start with your clean authentic stuff when you working with you I know you working groups and I want to ask you about your upcoming workshop and you work individually how do you
until the onion or uncover the layers or how do you work with somebody so not only that they are presenting and becoming their authentic so but that they're confident enough to print and cut off and takes off to somebody else
all the confidence is the most important thing and it comes from being authentic and knowing that you're not trying to sell somebody a bill of goods a bad salesperson tries to sell somebody something a good salesperson let someone buy from them
so you were talking about I'm peeling the onion I'm going to say generally chop the onion not on the first date don't tell him all about your actions in your politics and you know certain other things that should be taboo the first couple of dates but go ahead and go ugly early on yourself
and that phrase go out of the early has been used for other things but I'm repurposing it that is going to be tell somebody something that you've been broken up with before
tell them something that somebody else has held against you before because you can't say the right thing you can't say the wrong thing to the right person if they're the right person then nothing you say was going to is going to really throw it off kilter
it's such a beautiful statement Steve to the right person because it's not just being your authentic self and really being able to radiate that there's a timing Factor also so if both people are in a healthy place and it's the right time that's when it happened and cuz you can meet a great person and a healthy person to healthy people just wrong timing
so if you tell them these probably overly honest things about yourself early on the right person is not going to hold it against you
and I hate to quote dr. Seuss but I will
those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind
when you're saying to healthy people can be the wrong timing how do you know if it's right or wrong timing the Chinese jump rope enough why you got to stay in this state of Readiness you have to be constant consistently and constantly generating your own self confidence and your own love for yourself so that when the right person comes along you can overflow to each other it's not an ebb and flow as well I think I'm ready for a relationship I'm going to try to wrap this up and then I'll be out there looking cuz that's when you fail but it's it just this is what most happy couples will tell you it's just happened that was happy with me and they were happy with them and we came together and it was it wasn't Point 5 + 25 equals one it was one solid plus one solid equals 2/3 or a thousand its exponential when both people are full
signs that rich that's wonderful
I just spent its image of these balloons to look at that and how people can work with you if you just love your work
well thank you. Coli we were going to do this virtually this will be the first time that we're going to do it for actually I've done a lot of what I've done have been live workshops and I have been really getting it to a point where it's ready to reach out much bigger than my geography here in Dallas Fort Worth Texas so it's really easy to go and and be part of this just go to dating differently. Calm and if you click on any of the buttons on their well first it'll explain it to you the way that you know it now but if you click on any of the buttons it'll just ask you a few questions you hit submit and then I get a form show up on my end and we can do a Skype call a phone call and just see if it's the right thing for you because there is a thing about timing and making sure I got the right people in the program because we are building love teams
I can't have some of the wrong people who are not at the right place for this program but I do have places for people to go if they're not right for this particular Workshop so there's no if it's not the right timing or if it's not the right you know if they got some things to work on then I would put somebody more towards authenticator if they're just starting the personal development Journey that's the best place to start
but for this particular Workshop it's super easy to get started and just send me that information and then I personally actually make these calls back to people
the thrift store when you said I'm building love Keys all of a sudden I was thinking about your accountant of those teams are our kind of the accountant the support and accountability that we were talking about earlier is your friends and family they love you and they want you to be happy so they're just going to tell you whatever you do you need to hear or whatever is going to make you happy they're not really going to be with you and on that same journey in the same boat as you are on your dating Journey so that's why I think it's important to have peers because all of us are students and all of us are teachers I'm not this great Guru just because I've spent 20 plus years and personal development always with an eye towards dating and always have known that I would turn this into material that
is helping people date I bring lots of ideas but a lot of the other people in the program bring a lot of good ideas and a lot of experience and they all help each other so there's there's small teams that are kind of how you get started and then there's a much bigger community that people become apart of once they're through their small group
okay see you said you just sharing your 20-plus years with an eye towards dating in the personal development world what true you in that direction
I would definitely have to say my own experience My Own Story which I'm going to have to hold this down it takes me too long to tell it but I had
my father left when I was very young so I didn't have that male role model so I really went out and sought them out. Both of my community my church and I had lots of mail Mentor so it wasn't just one person so I totally believe in seeking out the information you're looking for and adding that to your life from lots of different sources lots of different experiences then when I started dating I was in college I was very serious about my girlfriend that I had dated for I guess about four years mostly through college but we are friends for three years in high school before we ever dated so you know imagine being 20 21 years old and you already this has been like your best friend and girlfriend for almost seven years and then have your very devastating experience after being promised to finding out that she's dating multiple people and didn't tell me
so for all those people who been hurt out there I have been there with you and this is why I have such a passion for this cuz I don't want people to have this be part of their love life and even if it has been before it's fixable and there are things you can do and other people to help you on that Journey so you're not alone
that sounds tiring just to know that for people to know that
they're not a lone wolf in this process and that the heart if it has been hurting that way can he learn that there is hope on the other side and I think it's so many of us are looking and longing for that happily ever after
and you're even when we think that we found out I was talking to a kid the other day
neon fake 12:13 somewhere in there and he told me as a girlfriend in school this girl that he likes and he but he doesn't talk to any of the other girls because you know that he's like that on that this is his girl and he's 12 yeah that's that's a little scary and also goes along with people who are getting married in their early twenties 2223 there scientific evidence that our frontal lobe which is our judgment is not fully formed until we are probably closer to 30
and so what I find in this is a lot of my clients are in there you know early to mid 40s and they've been married for fifteen to sixteen twenty years and they're just done there different person they totally grew apart from the other person and they got married when they were really young before they really figured out who they're going to be when they grow up
12 is way too early
Scana Gas so I'm going to love what you're saying and and I'm sorry that your heart was broken or than anybody ever hurt you and and I'm so honored and so pleased that you were able to take that and turn it into such wisdom and such a bundle of that you're able to share with people at the level of your doing today
thank you it turned into fuel for a mission
and that is something that I I really enjoy teaching people is whatever that pain is whatever the heartache is that is potentially your fuel if you can convert it this is something from Napoleon Hill if you read Think and Grow Rich
yes
it's there's a transmutation of energy you don't want to energy that you do want the stronger the pain was the stronger your potential love is
it's so great to know for so many people that are listening to this show that has two wounded in the heart that have been hurt in the heart that are wishing a munching and dreaming of that other side of the fairy tale love and even for those of you who are getting married now and you're just stepping into your happily-ever-after I love the information Steven sharing about getting your authentic self and allowing your heart to be open and allow yourself to share things you've never share it in my own yourself to stand up on his place and clearly communicating and being with that person it's such a heart soul level that the relationship really can go deeper and flourishing and profound a beautiful way
absolutely where wherever you are on that scale from totally single to totally committed these skills are totally transferable especially if you're at the beginning of a lifelong relationship it's that hot they called honeymoon for a reason it's a high point and some people would say oh it'll never get better than that and I think it absolutely can but the expectations and assumptions and judgement and fear that we bring in with us have got to go
we got to make room for a curiosity and openness and just Beauty
and whatever our old limitations were when we were single we need to lovingly create the new ones and focus their not on what we used to believe or the fears that we could bring in with us they got to go
Australian advice to people find you if they want to contact you through dating differently., nor is there an email or way just to be able to reach you for your one-on-one coaching your program sure mine's really easy it's just Steve at dating differently. Com
and that goes directly to me and not anyone else
that's perfect because I know somebody people out there this is just such a great resource and the work you're doing is so brilliant and so loving and so right on the line and so I so appreciate you and your authentic self and taking the time out to be with us today and we only have a couple minutes left and so I wanted to ask you is there one key or secret or that you would leave at the audience and opening the heart or finding love
well I probably have a whole lot of them but if I had to just pick one
I would say that if you want to be able to give unconditional love and really totally be free
then it comes with a price
all of your attachments
Nothing fits great and when you talk about attachments nights all of who you are well I think it's habits and patterns that don't serve love and are not giving being love is more important than being in love
so the practice I think daily practice of meditation and intentions and really in a whatever your higher power is asking for that inspiration and for that kind of being going into a situation empty enough to be filled and to be be that love and really give it to other people and not be sitting back expecting it and you know where is what I expect until I get it I'm not going to be loving towards you it's you have to give first and you got to be the love if you want to feel it
wow what a beautiful answer and I and I guess with that can you define love I mean so you know what love is to you or what
I'm going to say
if I'm absolutely just being myself
and I'm not trying to fit in anyone else's picture what they want or Persona that I put on myself to impress anybody if I'm just absolutely being myself fully passionately no apologies no self-reproach
if I'm just being myself and I'm giving to other people
I really think that's what we're put on this Earth to do every organized religion would tell you you know that you love your neighbor as yourself while love yourself first so that you can deliver on that second one
and being myself which is the authenticity as much as I possibly can and letting go of all the things that I think I need to impress other people with or other expectations everyone has with me if I'm just being myself as much as possible and I'm and the authenticity is just shining through me I'm naturally attracting the right people and naturally repelling the wrong people
now what a Genius answer
beautiful way to wrap up the show that was profound honestly thank you bye
knowledge of anybody's life thank you for having me I just want to say that before we wrap up or give me the opportunity to
Steve is such a pleasure having you here you are such a gift you really are and you are just to work is so spectacular and so dating differently I just for all of you were out there and if you are in a relationship and you're not in flow or you're not feeling worthy or you're not in a place with self love and acceptance and light and joy and happiness and you for him all those things you know love to be about a stupid thing just
when your present and your loving others that's the definition of love when you're giving me who you are to the world you are in love you are loved and so thank you so much for sharing all of who you are with us today and forever loving us so exquisitely
thank you for your time in for the questions awesome questions I really feel like you brought out my mission thank you so much
Azure and so for all of you out there we wish you a wonderful Valentine's whether you are searching for love Looking For Love or do you have love in your life whether you've had loved the multitude of years whatever level is Diva saying you and Dee's yourself I love and Soca be the greatest Valentine's ever because love is deep within your heart inside yourself and so for Steve's owners and myself Nicole Brandon hourglass fried we are wishing you but happily ever after