welcome to the brain and Timothy back show we are intimacy is real if you desire to intimately connected with your self your significant other children Family Friends Community and your higher power this show is for you that's we explore intimate topics inspiring life story here to Almaty and insightful tips on strengthening relationships this show is hosted by dr. April and her co-host dr. Kelly now let's get this episode of the bringing intimacy back show started because we share with you the secret power to intimacy to create the life you love or love the life you create now here's your host dr. April and co-host dr. Kelli Watkins dipping in Infamous feedback so we're intimacy is real how are you doing. The Kelly doing well do you remember that around there was supposed to put in a couple weeks ago yeah yeah one tooth was higher than the other
I had to wait another month and they gave me another crime that the color of corn if you can't tell in this Lane but let me know okay thank you just smile you know if you just smile every smile is beautiful I know he's going to tell me otherwise exactly yeah yeah if it's almost like he's gotten your hair is so beautiful like you got a crown on your head oh my goodness thank you, searching for a relationship I'm ready now you're ready okay great conversation with you this morning things are going so well I think you know what I think I'm ready okay awesome and so guess what you have to do
what do I have to do you have to match it yourself when it comes to that that's difficult so I'm very interested in this today is how to Market yourself and Mike is a genius and you can everything you do as I was as her and I were talking about it today is about yourself whether it's Market in your business dating relationships and so we have an expert here Nicki Minaj walking Nikki how are you doing I'm doing well thank you so much for having me on the show yes yes and so Nikki is the expert of marketing your Genius which is a podcast when she talks about how to Market in Presley entrepreneurs and other people themselves and believing in themselves and she's a great book here since I got my
my background on but it costs Market Eugene yes and definitely love to Nikki to the show thank you again one of the things that we talked about on this show which goes a a line with what you're talkin about is because it's copying and it's Misty back is intimacy you know and so I love to start the show off with how you feel what do you think about the word when you say intimacy
you know when I hear the word intimacy it really to me means being connected with either yourself or another being in its truest form has that space where you are unapologetically yourself and at the same time feel the energy either within you or with someone else and I think that everything whether you're talkin business or relationships with others or the relationship with yourself has the capacity to be an intimate experience in environment yes why do you think people sometimes have that hard connection they have a hard time connecting with himself
I don't know what just happened OK Google
yeah you can hear me the weirdest thing just happened but I'm still here you know but I think sometimes people have a hard time really connecting with themselves because it can feel like you're being exposed almost you know you have this
do you have to deal with yourself The Good the Bad and the Ugly and find a way to
love yourself and I think sometimes for me you know when I'm not being really connected with myself it's because I maybe feel guilty about something or ashamed of something or I'm avoiding looking at something that's going on in my life but the reality is is when I take that moment to your journal or look at it or connect with myself it always ends up being better and I always end up going well that wasn't so terrible and I'm a better person but I thought I was you know I beat myself up over it so I think there are a lot of reasons why some folks have challenges being
but themselves but
it's something I'm not an expert on it but that's been my experience yes I was talking to Kelly earlier today and that's the Kelly you were saying how it's that emotional aspect of emotional intimacy and connecting with yourself
yeah when you're willing to look in the mirror and do that hard emotional work and take the risk even with yourself because I think this sometimes we may actually lie to her so like you know I said some people you know what other people will lie to you but don't lie to yourself look in the mirror look what's reflected back at you and deal with it you know do that most of the work cuz then you're going to be healthier for it in every aspect of your life
right but sometimes people get so jacked up with the mistakes are things the pitfalls of they falling down
well scripture says even a righteous man fall seven times he is getting back up right I think about you know being an entrepreneur has been one of the biggest personal development thanks for me because I feel all the time like at pretty much everything at some point until I get better right when I started telling myself is you know you didn't start walking on the first try like I didn't just like get up and decide I was going to walk and suddenly could walk the planet right now I fell a bunch I crawl first I did all these other things saying that to myself helps me go you know what like cut yourself a break forgive yourself for the mistakes stop judging yourself so harshly stop comparing yourself to other people and it helps me out along that kind of emotional Journey because it is very emotional that hole
dealing with yourself in for giving to yourself and hopefully not lying to yourself is she's very curious if she can't figure out something it's like curious curious curious and so I'm in your marketing and everything you do you use the word genius what exactly does that mean yeah to me your Genius is this magical combination of the gifts that you were likely born with that you probably take for granted one of mine is the ability to hear what somebody else is trying to say and communicated so that other people understand you know oftentimes I'll see two people speaking to each other and they're both going I don't understand what you're saying and I can communicate to each person and I like
you know it's funny I've been asked if I was if I wanted to be I feel like I use those skills and yes but it's it's the combination of things you were born with things that you've developed over time experiences you have and not a bill and what you've learned from them like your Genius is this combination of those
not learned and innate skills you remember when they that still for you showed up in your light was it like fourth grade you're like mediating between me and playground when was the first time was it in college when did it show up where you like wow wow this is gift my abilities were kind of different I remember specifically being in
middle school and even high school and sitting in a classroom and seeing the teacher trying to explain something and people not get it and I'm just sitting there like
I'm just going to explain to this person what you're saying and you know in school sometimes I was so I came across is either being disruptive or a know-it-all and like I'm not trying to be either of those things but clearly whatever your they don't get it and I just want them to get it right and so I didn't always see it as a gift to get in trouble for it but my mom also used to tell me that I would speak for my little sister we're five and a half years apart and she's like you would just tell me what she wanted I guess I've always done it for very long time but I probably didn't see it until I started my business and realized how useful it was in certain situations
how would you suggest for people who are listening and they're like I don't know
I don't know what my gift is you know I'm just showing up to 9254 you know restaurants ask for whatever the case and they have no idea how do you find it you know it comes from a couple of places where I would start by asking people you really know and trust and just ask them what are the things that they would come to you for what are the things that I think you are naturally good at or that they if they needed somebody to help them with a problem what problem is they would come to you for it and that starts helping you the other thing I would say is try new things and see what you pick up and really enjoy because I
I didn't really think about teaching at all growing up but a big part of my business is teaching marketing to other two others and it was in teaching classes I used to when I was in corporate do these getting social with Nikki lunch and learn swear I would teach social media and digital marketing I did it because my boss said I need to be more visible to get promoted and things like that and it was fun for me and had I not done something that maybe he fell outside of my comfort zone or that I didn't think I was good at it helps me build the confidence and get better at it and finding those talents
incontinence is very sexy and talking this is important for business to in relationship and business could you imagine if you were in a relationship or than you trying to communicate at work and you like
you need to have a healthy if you do that and you're able to help other people can sleep even in justia getting the partner you were talking earlier about how you're ready for a relationship of you and my best friend and I have talked about it over lunch today we're right there with you hey why we're marketing ourselves today just getting here
I am 5 foot tall man
you ever heard people do that
no I haven't heard somebody say genius negatively I'm sure I have maybe walk it out but you don't do social media right now for your next relationship that social media when Mark lb people Market business and then when it comes to personal relationships are a little more nervous for myself yes like I I think that marketing whether it's for business or for dating is pretty similar especially with online dating because online dating your essentially marketing yourself
on a dating site if you're doing it online and things like that and if I were to I'm helping friends do it it's easy for me when it comes to myself oh my goodness it's a whole nother story it is like I struggle so much with all over analyze it and it's funny because it helps me realize what my clients are doing with their business we're in business I didn't really have that problem but I only have it with helping other people not a problem with helping myself huge huge challenge their yes definitely and I think sometimes when your marketing yourself you can't really fully see if when you had it through a third person comes in you know it's an extra set of eyes definitely so yeah we're going to take a short break but when we come back we're going to work on how thick is we're just talking about a little bit about packaging your Genius but how to promote it and how
to own it and get what you want out of life will be back in a moment are you and take a vacation in Paradise medication to rekindle the version of vacation where you can learn how to communicate where you and your partner actually hear each other and game inside if so vacation counseling is your next vacation don't wrinkle Brown has created vacation Counseling in Southwest Florida as a perfect option for you and your partner our Retreats are one couple at a time we have a variety of packages available to choose from including virtual Couples Retreat if you and your partner interested in the vacation counseling please visit us at vacation counseling.com for more information on pricing and packages also follow us on Instagram and Facebook to keep track of the latest news stories activities or coupons on vacation counseling and Doctor April's other services we encourage
who did sign up for receive a monthly newsletter called into my connections at dr. April Brown. Calm remember if you and your partner are struggling with communication and intimacy and you all are looking for a retreat to connect vacation counseling can be your next vacation in Southwest Florida
welcome back to the bring an intimacy show where intimacy is real so before the break we were talking about trying to find what is significant what is out talents what is our scales and so what if someone's already found that whether it's in the business or in the dating now I know that I am curious I know that I'm intellectual how do you go about marketing net to get what you want
and it's funny because in my book I share that marketing is just like dating and so I give the analogy of how it works in dating to teach it for business and I'm going to do the same here because it'll it'll help people two birds one stone for your business and went into the dating world like at one point a variety of time I thought about you know I do well in my business I need to do the same thing so I'm curious on how you doing yes and so I always have people start with what is the Englewood what are you looking for and so in dating usually sit down and think about or visualize
the partner you want to be with who is this person and what are they like maybe even thinking about what your future looks like together and where you're spending time and so when you create that Vision First it allows you to get clear on where you're trying to end up and where you're going because without it you end up dating anybody with you no more blood and the same thing can happen with business you can have any old client and then some juice and some and so you really want to thank OK what does a penis look like for me I'm so you start there and then you start asking yourself okay well where would this person spend their time on a specific specific bars are they may be into certain type of activities in which I will likely see them at a specific surfing or whatever it is that
where would this person spend their time and once you're clear on where they're spending their time and you know how the heck am I going to get the right so it's like what you're saying is creating a business they call an avatar and what is your ideal client and then yeah and then relationship you kind of like whatever you know what are the things that I'd like what what is this person look like what is he been her I'm getting a picture of it so you need that business Avatar Avatar you need that you do Ideal Meat Avatar essentially and then you go okay where is my avatar spending their time is a specific places on or off line because if you want to meet them especially in business you have to know where they are otherwise you could be showing up on Facebook and maybe
your ideal person is on Facebook maybe they're completely making this up but you have to get clearance who this person is and where they're spending their time
and once you're clear on that show up there in a way where you can capture their attention when I was in my early twenties I would go to sleep I was very shy and so I accidentally on purpose bump into people that I thought were cute take the spark a conversation or my best friend was especially about it's comfortable so she would just go up to the person and be like hey come talk with us how can I connect with my Google person do I if I know they're struggling but maybe your relationship coach and you know they're struggling with getting a relationship how can you talk about relationships and the struggle in such a way where they're going to keep reading what you're posting about
yeah I definitely yes. Trying to find my avatar and guess what it was before cell phone so I can memorize a phone number when I finally got one
things are made for easy you know but I was also thinking I liked what you said like think about what and that's where you'll find them because you could also have an ultimate Avatar meeting there's people that we know we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that's not going to work because it didn't work the first one or three times so you can actually what do you think of that knowing that is just as powerful as knowing what you're looking for because then you can doubt okay well if this is what I do not want maybe I should not send out these Vibes or share that that's what I'm looking for it and kind of lean towards Will what's the
opposite of matter what contrast that so that you can say okay well don't come talk to me if you were best person right you're this person this is what I'm looking for will be just fine it'll be great not going to work cuz I even have a workshop call Pat the dog push the kid and I grew up with the animal being more important so I'm not going to be fighting for bed stays on the bed you know what I'm saying dr. Kelly is like must not love dogs. Must Love Dogs
you know what I'm saying but I don't know who I'm very single and kind of what you guys have been saying it's it's the law of attraction is what you put out of the atmosphere you get back so if you have an idea of what you like and you put that out there fine but if you focus so much on the past or so much of what you don't want and you end up talking about it whatever it is going to find you and it stuck to you yeah yeah it's like I don't want too much are not wanting it that that's what you get cuz it's not like the universe understands the not wanting you just talked about the thing all the time so it assumes you wanted it it's like. Talking about it
that makes sense yeah but it's hard I think people realize the importance of writing down and focusing on what you really want cuz if not you and I use the thing about going to the grocery store like if you go to the grocery store and you're hungry and you don't have a list you know what you're going to pick up thing with the business in the sense it's so important to have an idea of what kind of clients you are because just cuz you're a hair stylist doesn't mean you want all the same yeah you need to specialized yeah if you don't if you know that you can say I want to go to somebody who doesn't touch or hear if they're afraid of it or you know somebody has to know how to cut short hair to cut my hair cuz I might like just certain narrow down my one just needs a man's greed's right
I think that I can get home
so what do you think about this question and I know I'm asking more questions today but this is just a perfect genius right is dating somebody equal intelligence
call Courtney back
that's a good question and again not not my area of expertise but I can tell you my from my experience and from what what I think I think
I'm not sure if
equal intelligence is necessarily a must for everyone I think it it's a it's probably part of personal preference but I do believe that there should be some sort of common ground and something that you can communicate and speak about
intelligently together and have like you know I personally like relationships where there's a little you know maybe a little banter a little something and so people can't banter with me okay well I'll just keep talking to myself then to be that sort of stimulation and what not but I don't know what about you I'd love to hear dr. Dr. April well as you probably already intelligence is a lot for me so I have been attracted to people and even been fully engaged and then realize that they're not at a certain level and I just lose desire it's just they don't become sexy to me so intelligence of some point is very important
I bet it's for each person like you said suffer some people big boobs is great you know that's what turns them on for others to me it's it's intelligence and also in this Alliance and even as a business owner and have internet and it's also bacteria it's mine I find curious minds very sexy.
Yes yes what about you got to Kelly
I don't know maybe big boobs
no I needed somebody once and I remember we were stopping on that person that sneaks candy in the movie theaters because while I can afford it I still don't want to pay those asking them so I pulled into the gas station that I want to go in here and get some snacks and I know it's clear I'm at a gas station and I'm getting snacks to sneak in the movie theater when I said I'm getting Whoppers and said what do you want they said hamburgers
my head tilted and if you can read faces you know and if Nikki Nash would have been there if she isn't going to work out but I knew and that was the last day because it just like that and it's not about having a baby and it's really just about keeping on the same level with tracking communicating and I like that and they have to stay present for that communication so I found that in the past that doesn't work they don't have to be a religious fanatic
right that's what I was thinking I'm because we're all very intelligent young ladies were still young Nicki business women who have been like die to show how smart they are because they're afraid of maybe men are other business people thinking oh my gosh you know I can't do business that you know they seem down their intelligence
inviting a business or even marketing themselves that's why are socially no I haven't seen it personally but I'm sure it exists because I distinctly remember when I got switched from middle school to an all-girl
high school because the teacher has recommended that I do so because I was dumbing myself down essentially for guys and probably the best thing that ever happened to me because I got over that really quickly and now I'm just unapologetically myself all the time but what I do see comes up a lot of people holding back from showing who they are and how great they are because they're afraid more so of people
leaving negative comments online and almost more from that like bullying standpoint because when you put yourself out there people will absolutely have something to say about what you're saying or for you are and real deterrent for some people whether it's for business or online dating or things like that my philosophy is usually you know
especially for business when you're sharing your message and your wisdom and your guests in your genius with others doing it to help your ideal Avatar right you're doing it to help others and if somebody's going to be negative and bring you down and not like it well then you can go well cool I'm obviously not here for you because you don't like me so you can metaphorically change the channel and I'm not going to let what you were saying stop me from doing work that I believe is really making a powerful impact in the world right and so it really comes from building up confidence and building up almost a waiting for my one star review on my but I think it's the best thing ever and I'm sure somebody's going to give it a one-star I'm not asking people to give me a one-star please don't do it unless you truly believe it but I'm waiting for it to happen and I am going to celebrate it
hopefully it's a Windstar from somebody who actually read the book not just when I felt like giving you a one-storey today because it took too long to get here from Barnes & Noble right now that's not that's not how I want ya so Nikki yeah you brought up a good thing which has happened to me this year, twice now yeah I got my first negative for counseling and I was caught I was like oh my God and I was just like what did I do wrong I mean it took it took me a couple of days and I figure it out but anyway and then I had a like a negative thing of one of my e-books it was I didn't make it to the 5 whatever but in reality it does help you realize that you're not there for everyone
yes and then also taking that especially when it was something to eat but I really went through and I was like okay I can see that they wanted a lot more in this book that it was just going to get that but I realize what I could do to take that and make myself better you know you got to be able to be handle criticism like you said when you put yourself out there and it doesn't happen overnight and I don't think I'll ever not be gut wrenched if somebody writes right like I'm going to feel it it's going to feel terrible I'm probably going to cry and I'll tell you what to do
didn't get like that maybe you didn't get the promotion you thought you were going to get are you got negative feedback or something but what I will say is that when I can kind of give myself the space to feel it emotionally and then start going okay like let me take a step back and see if there is some valuable insights from this person's feedback and if there is not as you mentioned a curious person so I'm always going to just be like hey you know would you mind sharing a bit more time we're always trying to improve I'm always trying to improve and see how I can make something better and that's really all you can do and you know just keep getting better every single day and being more yourself and sometimes somebody just gives you a negative review or feedback cuz they don't like you in like that doesn't mean you stop being yourself it just goes okay well
we're not appear to be together pretty seriously bad reviews Jesus got a one-star review okay for you guys for doing that because I often said somebody said well you know you should do because I could not wish I would have to have a Handler they would have to say and it only calls like five people they would have to have
I don't know why I like I mean when it comes to that my feelings are reviewed every single class you know so all that you know and I know this is me synthesizing we know that we're bringing value or the other people and we have to believe that is if you don't know then you're definitely yeah so we're going to take a break when we come back we're going to talk about like you just said that on its inventory being authentic and how to bulletproof and deliver your Genius will be
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Play Welcome Back to the bring an intimacy show where intimacy is real so we were just talking about how our reputation sometimes online when we Market at 7 you put yourself out there people are going to review you and how that may sometimes not be the best thing in the sense that you make its negative feedback but how to change that conversation to become better at what you do so how do you deliver that genius how do you bulletproof yourself so you can have success even as she talked special in your book clients for life you know I really believe that the more you do something the better it gets in the easier it gets and so when it comes to almost bulletproofing yourself from the potential negative nancys out there, the more you put yourself out there and experience
wonderful reviews and as well as the negative ones the easier it gets and as we mentioned earlier with the law of attraction it's like the more you focus on the great reviews is that you got in the great feedback the more you get right and so from a business perspective when you have people that have purchased from you and who have had an amazing experience your goal is to ultimately do two things for them to tell everyone about your magic so that you can get more clients and customers is to invite them to a new product or service or something else that's right for them and so I really believe it all comes down to picture
the experience that you truly want people to have and delivering on that promise that you have with with your offering
picture and you make sure you deliver it and then follow up I think it's also one of the most important aspects yeah absolutely absolutely you can you know what this is it's so interesting because really I believe that business especially if you have a service-based business it really isn't like an intimate experience because you're likely for me with my clients I'm getting all up into their business literally and position for a lot of people and so I always want to touch bases and and make sure that you know I'm getting feedback on how I'm working with them and what they're going through so that I can constantly make sure that they feel safe and secure and that they're constantly seeing great results and so when you're delivering something from a business perspective you want to make sure that you're clear
on what your promise is what people are expecting to get from working with you and that you're checking in on throughout the process to make sure you're actually delivering on it because I could sit around and go oh my gosh I'm so amazing and absolutely everything I promised and the other person feel like getting what I wanted and he's a real struggle and I'm not happy and that happens in relationships to write like you life is great the other person's mad or frustrated
yeah definitely and I think you like you said the communication is key and that's what Carrie is everything through yes how would you suggest helping entrepreneurs create these clients for life like you said it's a service business so I'm providing you this service was done
how do I
how do you keep a it's so funny when I started my business I thought that it was okay I have a 90 Day package people work with me for 90 days and then they're gone right and then I had a okay so what is it look like for us to continue to work together and it's like you know I don't want to discuss it right now because we're in the middle of your session why don't we schedule another call and we can absolutely talk about what this looks like moving forward and how we can continue to work together and I pulled that out of my behind and then I've never thought about working people to sit down and figure it out and what I realized it was probably one of the best lessons for me because what I realized is that you know I don't have to constantly have a revolving door of clients I could actually have clients for life or for long periods of time so for that to happen looking back this is what I started
is you have to get clear on okay what are the things that I can help people with
and like what's the problem that they're going to come to me for and then once that problem is resolved what's the next biggest challenge our problem that's going to happen and can I help them with that as well and if so at the beginning of the relationship because you know if if you're going to see a movie and you think it's just going to be it ends in such a way where there's going to be a sequel you at least know that you're setting yourself up for the next thing but if you watch a movie is complete and you're not expecting anything
10 more movies you have to watch to get the the real ending you're a little peeved you get what I'm saying but it just came to me so that's what we're going with so what I started doing is saying okay now that I know what problems are going to have after we resolve what they came to me for initially at the beginning of the conversation I can stay lesson you know we're going to work together for this. Of time to resolve this thing what may happen is that there may be other things that arise that after we solve this problem that may get in the way of you getting to the next level or for you to get super you really want to go so this is what it's going to look like for now and and at before our time together ends what we'll do is we'll reassess and evaluate where you are and then we can discuss what next steps look like from there and then I'm opening it up and planting the seed in her mind that this isn't just a 90 days
text right like definitely be like and when we get done with this if you would like to discuss how this is with your marriage or and they actually ask about streamer
and I think that's great but I would like to encourage people don't like in that time it is a relationship right business relationship and even if we do I would think I was talking with you or with my insurance today it's about creating a face but I see a base if that's that's my clients for life so if you're starting like you said so a personal relationship abuse. That intimate relationship with someone let's say your counseling them in their twenties they come back to you and your 30s 40s 50s me I've had clients coming through various marriages and whatever it's because the recreated that one-on-one base they feel like they can trust
because you're being authentic and real which is kind of everything that you said and it's wonderful book yeah yeah
you have to crush it with that first experience like you can't give them a terrible first experience and then be like let's keep working together cuz they're going to go no thanks I don't like you so you have to be on top of what it look like long-term and maybe planning their seeds you really have to deliver upon the promise of working together and just set realistic expectations you know if you're dating someone and one person wants kids and the other one person doesn't want kids and you've never talked about it somebody's going to end up disappointed open communication about expectations in what book parties are looking for before somebody switched their credit card so that people go through the experience knowing okay this is what I signed up for this is what I'm getting if they got it or not and that'll help them determine if they love the experience and want to keep working with you
first impression is everything even in dating and relationships and meeting people yeah people remember how you make them feel
and that is critical that do birds with the same from today yes thank you so much Nikki for being on the shell and if people and if entrepreneurs cuz I know you got a lot I want to connect with you once you get to know you I'm how can I beat you yeah you know the best place to go is Nikki Nash. Co forward slash magic it's Nikki Nash. Go forward slash magic because if you like social media platforms as well as information to help people that are building a business are excited to do it an intimate relationship building
and if they want to learn about your book or your podcast working dig out those two things on the same page I linked to both but the name of my bucket Market Eugene yes it's bright pink you can't miss it and it's available on Amazon Barnes & Noble Target pretty much anywhere books are sold around the globe and a local bookstore so you can grab it there or select and my podcast is also Mark at your cheek so wherever you listen to podcast it is made available
thank you thank you so much Nikki we really enjoyed having you sitting with that has be still and know that I am still in recovery now where intimacy is real and where the top 200 for Apple podcast on relationships so congratulations on your rocks.
this has been a great show Nikki you're welcome here anytime and it was so touched Jeff that you came on and share with us about your marketing genius and I'm definitely anyone who's out there who is having a business and like struggling with marketing and how to get it out there believe me she's worth the money so definitely give her a call and check it check it out thank you again. The Kelly and I will see you next week see you guys later thanks