Nicole Brandon and welcome to hourglass bride I am so excited and so thrilled for today's guess what a Fun Bunch do we have ahead of you today's guest is Wendell and Wendy this is San Francisco one of my very favorite cities in the whole entire world so I'm so jealous about men sex dating online dating and partnership to Absolute thousands of women in the United States that is fine women and celebrating men and sex and both of those are two-day workshop provided by Armstrong
communication for intimacy for everything there is just no go to work it's just absolutely incredible and I'm so excited to talk about sex educator Wendy leaves in person and life Tela classes and she provides personal coaching she is
amazing but when we call a compassionate validator navigated her way through to 120 First Dates before she retired you're dating scarf or her lucky first date 121
I love this I think this is just one of the most incredible things and out of her experience as Survival Guide for the little girl and it provides practical wisdom along with 101 short stories of her
that's a start. I can't wait to talk about that no for the past 10 years and her professional life is a workshop leader and in her personal dating life she's interviewed as well as women and she has and she's witness well over 100 panels of men and then research and input from outside sources and also hurt good old-fashioned try and uninhibited she helps people be free in their lives gain freedom from whatever the pressures are the culture and she really help people break to the limitations that they Place themselves in a thing as a communicator and I am so thrilled so absolutely excited
all of those things for today's guess just what if
thank you so much for having me Nicole boy I want to take you around with me everywhere I guess one of my first questions on other thing is I always love talking to people about is when you were small you know that when I was in there she School how I would never take a nap I would never ever ever ever ever happened not only what I not nap but I always wanted to wake up all the Sleeping children play with me and what I realized when I was 4 years old I stay with me I just now have a platform to get it
and so did you not like when you were kid where you always wanted to help people in relationships or I did this journey because I'm reading this fire and I'm grinning from ear-to-ear I look like a little 120 days and the fact that you have is history of tax which is one of my favorite favorite favorite programming in the world
if you didn't believe in fate I would actually call it an accident candy and I think I wanted to work for a candy store or own one I think that that was my largest Ambitions before I want a candy but as I got older I had different aspirations and one of the things that has been the thread throughout my career has been making for the people have the ability to be heard to have their side be seen to be seen really to be seen and I got to go to text program The Living Years Ago by accident my best friend said hey do you want to do something
and I'm one of those people who says yes
at the time I was stressed any marriage a 12-year marriage I don't have no idea what those two days and then I had done a really good job picking a man of the husband that I could easily manage so you just was very manageable I could keep them in check and I wanted to do the thing with my friend cuz she asked me to but as a side benefit I'd be able to maybe learn something new. So I could do better next time around
and little did I know that little two-day workshop changed my life forever and put me on a path to changing women and men's like forever really opening up their relationships in ways that they can communicate having them feel like you had spoken about earlier and
when I got to the full 30 minutes X Workshop I was very impacted by the healing by the ease of the freedom and that was my path I knew Trevor Moore that was my past and how I wrote a book about dating was a total accident I have been on many many days after my marriage ended and I realized that probably like a lot of women how I take relationships cuz I picked a really cute man standing in front of me who seemed interested without really doing much reading to make sure we had aligned Life Style goals and hopes and dreams and compatibility and personality I'd say yes to the one who's interested
and looking back throughout my whole life every man I ever picked excluding my husband was not a good match for me if I would have actually dated and vetted and look to see a good match so I decided to try something new this round after my marriage ended 11 years ago and started to date but somewhere around 50 for Thursday to writing about each stage and absolutely honoring the men on the dates that some of them funny you sent was done wrong but it could have been better
and I didn't know I thought it was to have two dates but I ended up with 121 that's incredible
you could have liked you I had somebody that said hey you want to go to this evening going to this one evening and I was by the information in the material and I heard things that I honestly have never heard before it was completely brand new and completely true and it rang the bell inside me like nothing is ever rang a bell and so I knew beforehand and I was just compelled to do the weekend workshop and from that when we can work that I was compelled to do the queen course and then to explain myself Beyond a relationship and so text so magical what makes this work and he's programmed so different from everything else
he told something was like I said magic words like when a man says this is what what do you mean how do you say that I really want to go there
there's two parts but make it totally different what is all of the practical application you like you described you learn something you think I don't know about that before you can even make it out of the best hotel room to get your car to go home you can try it out on the Bellman and it work
or you can go get gas and say something to the cashier at work
and all the sudden strangers are connecting with you and talking to you and trying to give you free things and try to accommodate you and like I never had men be generous with you before
I don't know why it's really didn't do anything different
did you do something different you actually took on an attitude of what we're talking about you actually took on a new point of view and open shelf in a way that you didn't even realize while you were in taking information about today
A little effort is put in on your part that just the slightest difference in the world and the second part is the reason it works is because women are teaching women about men
unfortunately men have been telling us what we're teaching women they've been telling us our whole lives and we can't hear it
it falls on deaf ears and it's not that were bad and we are intentionally blocking it or we don't trust them or listen to them it's not that it's literally in our design we could hear it
is actually good news cuz you're coming here a woman tell a woman how a man is and then in the world do humans weigh the exact thing you heard in the light can be in that way do you find that to be true to I do I mean or the tiny issues I got were amazing you know running the.
I mean it's a side effect of eating and the work itself is just so I get that station out there I want you to learn that she never go back and look at it. What men say and how that works when into mini pop
yeah it was really great about the man panel is we have one at during every workshop at the end at the end of Sunday I work up so early Saturday and Sunday and we let the participants get all the way through Sunday of listening to me talk but when the men come they get to answer questions that woman has had a lot of the questions trick questions questions based on it so they got a stack of questions you can answer the questions live for about an hour
and we don't cook them when they come there the letter given to us by women who have done the work shots before they put the names of them they know and we'll know them and what we can you be home from 3 to 5 and do a woman that's it and they come in and answer my questions the women's questions in the room and by the time they leave it really feels a deal for them because everything that I said all weekend and even the language that I used comes out of a man's mouth the words that I use a phrase that I used to teach women how to connect with men how to get a man's attention or the same words that men are using on stage and it's hilarious how we got our information how we got our two days worth of programming for celebrating men size 9 women in two days for all the other programs 3 days for Queen how we get all of
information is from men asking the question what is that thing that a woman would never do that why would he do that and then listening and she started with that very simple question why you do that and as we begin to explain how they are and why they did it their answers were never anything that we could predict as fascinating she's setting them in that was 20 over 20 years ago
so we get our information for them to like I said at the start of the call Williams women instinctively can't hear it in a way that's powerful and tell you hear it coming from another woman
or at least that's what shots women have come into our workshops knowing that they didn't have the tools that they had when they left I think I don't remember at any point in my life the way that I did when the men were onstage formulation chips or even people that have been in 25-year relationship and so I just think that these close to your teaching or are so so so so so important I can't think of a better choice
we have Valentine's coming up or if you are interested in having a future with a man I can't imagine a better gift people find you somebody tried to do this
pictures of no intention of ever leaving the workshop ever and I started working for the company right after we did that weekend together my best friend and I took it to the workshop and we were asked to come volunteer which we dated right off the bat people read it was as much smaller company then people around campus or the saying hey we like you to think I was a workshop manager which is the hardest job there that's there in charge of all the production and everything that ever happens during a two-day workshop they're responsible for everything including all the participants well-being and everything except for the one thing I'm not responsible
I heard the two back then the two celebrating that infects workshops leaders bickering over side of the money to travel anymore and nobody wanted to find a New York I smack both of their arms as far as I could put my hands on my hips and said all go it's a privilege you should love this workshop and change as well bring I've ever had in my life
they cracked up until we were waiting for you so I started training to leave in order to do that I got to leave the introductory today works out celebrating which is a requirement to do The Graduate workshops which is celebrating
I love them both
so glad that you did that with all this Arsenal and information and you were going to use it after you were actually looking for the love of your life almost the last decade and some
state of someone single get married at all be over in 5 minutes that hold and it took me more than two it should be more than two dates turns out which by the way it's become second and third day through the whole gamut in there so I know
a lot about all the different stages and
Tanya by the time I got to 121
I was on my date with him and when I learned that
I was his first date in 25 years and I can tell and he could tell that little probably going to end up together I wanted to smack him because he says I don't understand what all the fuss is about with dating you just you just go online and you do a profile on the same day you meet a pretty girl and you go on a date and I know that when you went out with him were you thinking
this is just 121 or do you know right away this is different just other than the fact that he hadn't been on a date and it is so different and I didn't trust my intuition because he was the newly divorced guy
and I had enough traded experience to know what the newly divorced guy meant but luckily I have a hold
going to different schools in distinctions to help women understand if they meet a newly divorced guy which one is he
is better going through various stages depending on what kind of a divorce she had and some will just break your heart and totally not mean to
and others can handle it others can handle going on one date and being done or however many dates he had to go on to meet you because you're the one who picks so it just depends on the Mana depends on what happened in his divorce I give women all kinds of different questions to ask him not even covert even direct if you'd like to swear that which one he is
can you give us some examples of what those questions would be
are you doing right now she so a man who was deeply affected by a divorce weather as its first store has 15 if it was unexpected is it the West pool or he was in massive massive pain and it was unexpected what happened
they go into the cave the deep deep dark hole
I was thinking about coming out
search date when they're not ready
so talking about coming out of the hole and then meet you
and your delightful and you're wonderful and a woman you're kinda near a breath of fresh air and you so glad to meet you and he's going to spend time with you and he has nothing to give you
nothing
and the problem with that particular flavor and again there are many questions to ask her to climb out of the hole and when it gets on dry land above he looks around and says the sun is shining the birds are singing stink to cook the letter with him
it happens all the rebounds.
That's a great analogy figure out which one you got
if you had time to grieve if you had time to process if you knew the marriage was over before it was over for the last 10 years she's been grieving that married for 10 years and he's done his stage you got a guy who is willing to do that that's fine she can get that done you can be his friend and his partner and it's going to take me cuz I already did
he's got a very deep level of commitment already so you don't need to worry about that he also doesn't have this fantasy of Happily Ever After
and he also can which is good you know he has a better grip on what's needed in Partnership instead of the fantasy and hopefully he learned some lessons and he learned some lessons about what she did wrong that you can help prevent happening with you in the future
but I look back at my 12-year marriage and there are things that I did at twenty two things that I said I would never say now
don't mean just not particularly
what is a committed relationship than thriving
Leslie Chow other
since this guy that you went out with
so he was recently divorced but he was he was in it already been over
still didn't get no. So we we took time to do all that but yes I just kept breathing into this could work
that's so amazing it's so exciting and then I found and it's kind of been disturbing to me but yet I know that there are y'all coming to get me married again very quickly
recently widowed and also recently divorced because they have been married and they do marriage is good fundamentally for them it's better to be married then be a single guy so it's not necessarily I want to replace my wife that is I appreciate the companionship model and must have that again I will find a different version of that.
That's probably the scanning to me when you look in the same way that you think somebody needs to die before he does and he will remarry someone someone within six months and the whole family's mad whole family's upset well it's it's not cuz he was just waiting for her to kick off its not because she didn't want to be different you know he was disrespectful and didn't want to wait he just knows that that companion model works for him he appreciates what a woman provides and it's too painful to be without it so he'll go get that again
are delicious think about it we're pretty great
do you go with your kids go with your staff at what point should somebody find you and find this work
well it really is for women 17 and up what we have found is women you would think that if we got the younger women younger the better in there it would change her point of view and they wouldn't have to scroll all the way that we have and that's probably true that was probably the case but what I personally have seen are the women who are most impacted by the looks of older women and when I say older I mean older the older they are from the other women in the course the more impact they are so it's 35 year-old will get a lot out of it because you know let's face it is 35 we've been knocked around the block a couple of times we can't trade on our looks like we could at 17 and get what we want to do and do the things we did get away with the things we got away with cuz we were Seventeen and 5:45 even more so and by 55 not only have you had
more disappointment in life and more adversarial relationships with men your face with trying things that don't work over and over and over four decades and decades
she get a seventy-year-old woman I've had a woman in my course who is 86 cuz she at her husband died and she was in her retirement self-care place where you can get on with your independent living situation and she was going to look for her new husband and she wanted to get it right this time
I have had a woman in the course in her late eighties who it to celebrating but insects who is celebrating her 50th Anniversary that weekend and had the best
romantic most connected sensual weekend of her life out of being in that course
I absolutely just cherish and relish that just for my own personal experience mad at myself because I realize the effect that they had on then and I'm so sorry that you wish you can rewind and go back out there I should have done that
we we use a lot of humor in the course to try and help that try and help that as women are healing through what they can see that they've done in the past just didn't work and we were fine women that we are all really good women doing the best we can with the information we had and our trainers were a culture or mother a mother's mother a mother's mother mother the way we have been the way we listen the way we talk it's all instinct is not wrong it's not bad it can be slightly an effective one of the greatest tool sweet treats women is how to listen and how to listen to a man is very different than how to listen to a woman how we talk to each other is great how we listen to each other is great if we're listening and talking to other women
not so much for men are glazed over and check out or you'll only get the surface some of the time when you're looking for gaps and we was some slight creaking teach women how to get the depths of the craving and it's just so much
not shame but just sadness over wet got messed but got Miss through all the years before that that could have been different if you had known it earlier and it is good you know you live in a culture you used your own Instinct you were trained by your very good trainers and
we found something that can change that
we found something that can change it in a way that you can be effective with me
we just never had access to it that the way we get at it before because we didn't have a woman for 20 years getting putting it together in a way that women can actually hear it for the first time
I love that you know we learned the use of words and what people say and what they year and headaches one of my favorite lines from all-time movies is from the movie Yentl and there's a line in there if she says to him you look pensive and he said no I was just thinking
how many times has the US to been how do you feel what did you say
fine. We are looking for
that we actually teach you the words to use to get the answer you're looking for that isn't fine
and then you and then you accidentally with all of this information wrote a book you should write my life story if it was bad day since before I ended up writing about it and I put it on a little blog and send it out to all my married friends cuz I thought it would help them stay married which it does. It was hilariously funny and they encouraged me and I never anticipated ever anticipated going to 101 but somewhere around sixty something I realized oh I might not get a man-made maybe I just get a book
so I have to ride in just the short stories the dates the actual dates in the short stories and the stairs where I totally killed it here's where I did a good thing his way to the bad thing here's what I would do over oh man I should have left in the first 5 minutes on this one and here's how I would have done it now in hindsight how I could gracefully get out of that date in 5 minutes or less acidic rating all that out after the short stories and it's what I did wrong what it is right like that and at the end at the end of the end of it I went ahead and wrote one through 53 and with my training at Pax programs in 11 years of knowing how men are and how to relate to them and had to be great with them on top of all of the things I love
creating an online dating and friends with benefits in the whole ball of Wax
I wrote a comprehensive how to practical application of practical wisdom how to date with Graves how to keep standing when you just wanted to sit down when you wanted to quit when you wanted to be over and literally what I wrote the book I had not yet met days I finished the book
in March
and I met him at the end of February so I didn't I didn't know as I was closing it up and getting it edited that I would meet him and had to go back and rewrite the whole thing someone who is in a relationship then and we went by and of course I included our happily Ever After Story and went from there
that is such wonderful and that she was went into one door and went out to the bathroom or something in there is they were on here or something and then she goes into the water that she might be too tired I had another piece of the water and she swam to the shore and it was nighttime and when she got to the shore somebody said that was so great and she's so what jumping off the pier is a wasn't that far and they should know you know there's been all this shark alert and that you swim in the water and she said
she didn't know she was swimming in shark-infested water every time he will then into a story that you can teach him in and share with them in and make people laugh and I love that it has
Journey for your man to have met you after you have been through this incredible journey what was it like for him to a man and skinny man the private man one who wouldn't really like you know his private life looked into too much I probably wouldn't have been a good match for him and I'm sure it was quite off-putting to some of the men that I dated went they found out and it's usually something I didn't leave with on a first date it's not very sexy to tell someone that they're for state number 87 I usually never live with that and if I had more than one day usually by the second or third I would disclose
play wasn't what I've been doing as a hobby or a lot like so he's fine with that
and then people find you and your workshops and you said that you do tell us a Menards can people do it online to people come to work with you and I know that you are considerable countries can I Skype you mean I know how talented you are and this information I guess it is the best information out there and so is that we can't all these women are just fighting at the train. I'm in an agent hunting so I'm being silly I'm trying to do the old-fashioned publish the Publishing House grout versus self-publishing in Play If I Had some pretty bad out last year but I'm still working on that
a couple of different classes in now I finally have the formula works for me and for for women that gives them enough of what they need and it's an 8-week telecourse so you can be anywhere and if you miss a call you can listen to the recording later I also sell recordings of the class but it's not the same at all the classes interactive and you can ask question English homework and there's much more to it plus you get 40 minutes one on one coaching with me on the side and the classes
an hour and 15 each week if you're in the Life class so I do live classes the eight-week course can be found on 101 dates.com and if you're the type of person who your consumer you just want to listen like a book on tape instead of participate like you were in a workshop then you can just buy recordings on that site as well you could do either depending on what your style is a few if you're a reader or a listener recordings are good if you're participating and you want to get in there and get intimate clothes and and do homework and all that kind of stuff then take the class
that's great you still living the life workshops as well you can go to Wendy speak like a dog. Com online
that's just incredible with my business with some of my closest friends and it's changed so much of my life and I'm always trying something different country you know that
and it works that it's not a culture that you're teaching it's a man communication between men and women
yeah and it is very much forms for all speak for me personally it very much formed how I relate to men and how I love men and I don't know I don't really know because like I said I have been so immersed in this work for the last 11 years it really is who I am as a person so I can't distinguish me from that work that body of work that I don't know if I would have been willing to go on 121 first dates with men if I didn't love them
if I didn't know who they are if I didn't know who men are for women if I didn't have that attitude that I have about men I don't know if I could have done it I think I would have thought they were all jerks after a while
so I think the background that I have actually had my life be possible
luckily in the book I help women be more efficient so they don't have to do have to do some of those things that I did on the swelling and ask what's in the heart and their tyranny
AJ welcome to the show thank you for me it was life-changing
yes I am familiar with the work and I am waiting patiently to get the book I ever since she's on the show today I have a question because I am having a challenge in the dating Arena I'm ready and my challenge is she does not like to plan our get-togethers he wants them to just naturally unfold and what ends up happening is I end up not seeing them on a weekend because my friends will get to me before he does and I am upset and I'm doing a weekday and I'm beginning to get a little frustrated and just wanting to leave
and I think I need to have a conversation but and I have I just don't know how to go about it in a way that he can really get the importance of planting versus if you busy if you're not busy and I'm not busy then let's get together cuz that's my question how can I get him to see the importance of planning a date versus letting it naturally info
very good question I'm going to answer your question and then answer it in a way that it could be four different stages for everybody if you're newly dating which two months is new but you can have a conversation than where I'm going right now but if you're newly dating and you're in that really frustrating place where he waits till the last possible second or it's Friday and you want to make plans for the weekend and I'm sorry we get done Planning by Wednesday would really like to know by Tuesday which night or day were saving for them cuz then we can plan our authorized are friends right so if you're in that spot where you're dating someone newly it's been a couple of weeks
you could actually say hey my dance card is filling up do you want me to save either of the days Friday or Saturday for you or Saturday and Sunday for you we don't have to work out the details just let me know what to block calendar
or I'm starting to get invitations to things do you want to save any of my time
a couple months down the road if you're two months down the road you might want to have a conversation because it sounds like you've already started having that flavor of conversation so I would just have the conversation with him the very direct and to-the-point conversation in the kindest way possible is I love spending time with you and actually want to spend time with you on the weekend spending time with you on the weekends makes me really happy and unfortunately because you're so casual about it
so can we not have such a casual structure for the weekend we can stay casual and what we do but let's not be so casual about the time that I need to clock out on my calendar so I can save time for you I want to make sure I have time for you
so I would come from the point of view I want to make sure I have time for you instead of when do I get to see you next
did that help
absolutely and and Emma answer I feel free so great and then you can win whatever it is you're doing whether you make a plan to go out and watch a movie or whatever you that can all be loosey-goosey but at least you have your time locked
and you're not sitting home on Saturday night cuz he thought it was for him and your friends already went on without you that's annoying and we've all done it
yeah
awesome thank you so much
sounds really really want for question Wendy what a terrific answer thanks
that's great and I also know that we talked about the different stages and learning how to deal with a boy compared to somebody who is you know the different stage in their life and and a different way to look at it so much is just such a great person to be able to hear and listen and learn and open in a whole new way
yeah yeah the different stages of development and we're men are at through their adult years can have women understand what a man can provide and what I can't because often we try and get things out of a man are man whether it's someone at work or are cuz Bender a partner or someone you're dating you try and get something that's not able to provide care about me enough to give me what I need to know it could be something else entirely
and once you can see the different stages that men go through and you can look to see where the men in your life fall in that stage it makes it really easy because you know what you can get from them you know what you can expect from them so you're not beating your head against the wall and taking it personally and you find ways to work around it that's why
I love the word workability it's I mean it just all of this information all of it is such an incredible well it really is and just answer that you just because I care about you because I want to make time for you because I want to spend time for you you know I want to make sure that I have it time for you making the man's important instead of wrong considering efforts or for trying or forgiving or for the way in which they communicate because their communication skills on the other side and sewed in with it with a deeper and a greater understanding of that and so I just I'm so appreciative
can I see that you have found true love you but you don't answer you just get to Jay you know how to do this inside and out and you know how to share this information and you know how to communicate with me it's really going to make a difference and then sold in LA and take our relationship to the next level of deeper intimacy instead of stopping it and halting it and I just how lucky he felt the boughs of the women are and how lucky he is listening can be to find you I just I would have had plastic way to start the year and what
great gifts that you have just given her studio audience before Valentine's because you really you know have the keys and the answers and the clues in the secrets to communicating and fine and deep in love and having a happy and healthy relationship with your partners and put yourself so I just such a delight to have you here with us today thank you Nicole thank you so much for having me and tell us once more how we find you
101 dates.com for the book and the workshop the eight-week workshop and if you want to find out more information about where I'm leaving crashes and if you want personal one-on-one coaching you can find me at Wendy's speaks. Com
perfect thank you so much for being with us everybody runs jumps flight information I have found Wendy thank you so much for being with us today thank you for choosing absolutely amazing and care and understand is it such a deeper level and its really is worth is just incredible and relationships forever in the only the very best possible way so so glad when he was with us today we think Wendy Newman
relationships never tell by that and we have so many exciting gas find out for you so we wish you a happy marvelous incredible Valentines and that if you have two of you is stepping in to love every every dream in this country and if you were looking for love may be right at your doorstep and mostly the love that you always find out for yourself
and we wish you all the most incredible week in a happiest of Valentine's and again very special thank you to wait to see you next week Nicole Brandon hourglass fried Happy Valentines