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Reclaiming Authenticity
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You're not lazy, crazy or stupid

Reclaiming Authenticity with Dr James Houck

You're not lazy, crazy or stupid

Reclaiming Authenticity

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Reclaiming Authenticity: The courage to reclaim that which has always been in you.

No matter who we are, where we were born, and into what family we were placed, ours is a world full of relationships. Indeed, we are social beings who spend our lives making sense of our world by trying to find our place in the world. As social beings, it is often within the context of relationships that we experience tremendous pain and suffering. From overt acts of betrayal and cruelty that someone may have inflicted against us or vice versa, to simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time, many people bear the scars of physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual wounds. And yet ironically, just as we experience our woundedness in relationships, it is also within the context of healthy relationships that we find our healing and authenticity. The difficulty, then, is often finding the courage to discover that which has always been in you.

For over 25 years, Dr. James Houck has been helping people discover their authentic selves by integrating spirituality into their mental and emotional health. As people are able to integrate these disciplines, they often discover core issues that have been keeping them wounded in relationships.

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Weekly Show
BBS Station 1
Friday
Starts
2:00 pm CT
Ends
2:55 pm CT
Show Transcript (automatic text 90% accurate)

dr. James Howard<br>okay well hey good afternoon everybody one and all welcome to August 20th where is the month of August gone I don't know it's you know another full week and then some and then we're going to be back we're going to be in September so it's just like wow and all the kids I've been talking to and and counseling along the way it's like they are not ready to go back to squeeze as much summer out of the year as possible as much summer out of the month of August anyway but they're you know slowly warming up to the idea now the more they go back to school shopping and so forth and used to the idea of yes you'll go back in person yes you'll probably have to wear a mask and you know they're excited because they learn best weather in the classroom so it's just something over the last year it's very hard for many kids to learn through the internet for long periods of time as well as for us adults will you know there has to be you know highly<br>motivated individuals to be able to take classes online or two to be able to you know what take full courses and things like that let alone get out of just a one class here and there so but it can be done but you know hopefully they will catch the back-to-school bug here soon and they will be ready all right well<br> thank you for tuning in this afternoon welcome to reclaiming authenticity finding one's courage to reclaim that which has always been in you I am dr. James hauke and if you'd like more information about me or to leave me your comments about Today show I invite you to wabbit I visit the website there we go I'll get it right here to visit the website it's www. DDS radio.com reclaiming authenticity all one word they're so BBS radio.com backslash reclaiming authenticity and forget I got to go back in our archives because these broadcasts are Now podcast it and you can also go and just if you want to just go down through the list of previous shows and then you can lie<br> do them at your leisure so on that note I wanted to just thank everybody for their support over the past year and I just wanted to mention that you now have the opportunity to continue your support by becoming a monthly subscriber now this subscription is not required to listen to my talk shows but it is greatly appreciated so again you just go to the website that you'll see the link on top of the of the website itself and choose any amount that you feel comfortable giving no pressure so I thank you for that in advance well I am very excited to be with you here today each and every Friday afternoon 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time noon Pacific Standard Time and any other time in between each and every wake these broadcasts are dedicated to the integration of spirituality and<br> mental health and if you would like to call in and be part of the show today that number is 888-627-6008 that's 888-627-6008 and I will be taking your calls after the break well for those of you who are too to get for the very first time I just wanted to say welcome to the show I always appreciate new listeners and just in case you're wondering what reclaiming authenticity is all about it's this reclaiming authenticity focuses on the integration of spirituality and our mental health and it's all placed within the context of our relationships with ourselves and others and God or the divine<br> and for those of you who are new to the program I would just like to share with you just know the basic personal and professional philosophy of just how I see working with individuals because I am a firm believer that all of us come into this world already equipped and graced with everything that we need for this life from the moment we are born and even then some we already come in gifted and we have their car gifts are skills or talents and strengths character traits and so forth but sometimes we go along in life and maybe it's due to some unpleasant experiences we may feel that we need to hide that giftedness just for the sake of wanting somebody else to feel comfortable around us or we may push or giftedness or skills or talents and so forth way way down inside of us so that others cannot see it because<br> perhaps those gifts were exploited at one point or even perhaps when we were younger we were told that we would never amount to anything or whatever other voice we heard telling us that there's really nothing special to us but that is just simply not true but whenever we take on those messages we internalize those messages we don't realize our giftedness our strengths the very best parts of our self and who we are and we all have to go through life functioning from a place of woundedness or victimhood instead of a place of healing and wholeness and embracing our hatch and toss or our uniqueness<br> and the whole reason why I sent to gracian of mental health and spirituality back in relationships is because you know one of great one of life's greatest is this that we often received our deepest physical emotional psychological even spiritual wounds in relationships and yet here's the irony we can discover our greatest healing our strength or peace forgiveness and love through healthier relationships and these relationships just might be within our own families they might be amongst our co-workers colleagues and friends but whenever we work on ourselves whenever we are able to transform and to allow the very best parts of ourselves to come out and to discover truly who we are as so whenever we transform<br> we also transform others by our presence Grace and understanding it may not be obvious at first but on some level in to some degree that transformation shows up and others however forgiveness kindness compassion begins with how we treat ourselves because whatever we find that where we can be compassionate with ourselves we could that be compassionate with others and whenever we are more forgiving of ourselves we then can be more forgiving with others and when were able to live in gratitude with ourselves and everything that has brought us to this very moment we then discover how this hope that our hearts to see and live in gratitude with others but all in all transformation first and foremost begins with us<br> so how was your heart I hope it is well and I hope you are well I hope that if you are even struggling today at some point or some level that you will find the rest the peace and the comfort that you need<br> well welcome to Today Show entitled you're not lazy crazy or stupid you know and then transforming the psycho-spiritual effects of these labels start off with a question how do we raise the vibrational energy of let's say lower dimensional attitudes and perspectives you know why we're out of just left bro and also the pervasive negative attitudes that still exists today how do we how do we change all that how do we transform all that into higher levels of Dimension where forgiveness gratitude and love are not only meant to be embraced in our lives but also we can live out forgiveness gratitude and love we can live out these things on a daily basis<br> well how about you out there in Internet radioland remember as a child ever being read a story before going to sleep I go there you are in your bed and you got your little blankie and hanging out with teddy bear or something okay and mom or dad or somebody was reading you you know a bedtime story that perhaps you know you were read the story of Hansel and Gretel or Rumpelstiltskin or the Pied Piper of Hamelin or what about the king of the Golden Mountain<br> or the Frog Prince or Cinderella or Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs<br> now I have to say you know these stories that we were read as children yeah they were cleaned up as it were from their original R-rated versions of long ago these things stop well-known stories came from The Brothers Grimm and they lived during a time that you know they told these stories<br> you know that often involved a lot of violence a lot of Bloodshed a lot of Cruelty to women and children included things like wicked witch is and all sorts of vile care but if you have ever seen the movie Frozen which is a classic and their Yachts Frozen 2 and if you have small kids or grandkids you know all the songs and all the tunes but I'm not going to how many because then you'll get that stuck in your head but anyway if you've ever seen the movie Frozen then perhaps you are aware that the movie is a variation not of The Brothers Grimm but of Hans Christian Andersen's children's story The Snow Queen<br> and Anderson he wrote this story back around 1845 and the story goes like this you know there is a evil troll that which is AKA the devil and he uses a very large magic mirror, mirror to distort the appearance of everything that it reflects in fact the this mirror wasn't designed to reflect you say the wholesome and beautiful aspects of people and things but instead magnified only their ugly and wicked characteristics<br> now throughout the story this troll that is AKA The Devil Becomes of me is it and distorting the images of everyone and everything to the degree that even the most beautiful lands looked like boiled spinach from totally unknown on Advertising that very horrific well one day this troll just with the help of his minions to carry the mirror into heaven so that he thinks he might make fools of the angels and God however the mirror slip from their grasp and falls back to Earth shattering into billions of pieces and these tiny shards of mirror are then blown by the wind all over the Earth which eventually get into the people's eyes and hearts<br> and as a result people's hearts become Frozen like ice and now their eyes can only see the ugliness and evil in each other and the world in which they live well ironically our past wins are just like the shards of distorted perceptions of who we truly are as Souls as well as what are those things that really freeze our hearts from seeing the beauty and goodness in ourselves and others<br> for the people who struggle with intergenerational wounds who have suffered crimes against humanity Society has often held up its own mirrors of misleading standard sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally but the Distortion is still there and never the less that these The Shard of Illusion are intentionally designed to add generational Distortion to the eyes and hearts of the weak and the wounded and overtime and then within our minds and in our minds tell us that what we perceived albeit limited and hazy must be true<br> and severe cases you know trauma can be passed down genetically and it it does attached itself to our DNA and often in a very covert way disguise itself as harmful physical psychological emotional and spiritual symptoms and similarly as in generational trauma is passed down through societies and families that is what we carry in our genes and how we are or how we were raised and so forth various social systems also galvanized harmful stereotypes and prejudices in justices emotional dependence biases and so on<br> and therefore you know intergenerational trauma is not just limited to how it affects our families but it also affects all relationships from the most intimate ones to just mere acquaintances and so it's very easy for people to go through life and you know if they've ever heard themselves be described as lazy crazy and stupid it doesn't take too long for people to believe that it's true and ironically the earliest that we you know Ken battle with shame in our lives is somewhere between two and four years old<br> and yes ladies and gentlemen we are babies at that point two to four years old were toddlers were running around we're still babies okay but we are like little sponges we're listening to thinks we're we're watching we're learning where we're trying to imitate as best we can as we try to navigate Our Little World by paying attention to those around us these messages that you know we have been told perhaps I was being lazy crazy stupid backwards shot by or whatever it was<br> yeah we don't do any better and so we assume that well if it's coming from an adult coming from the parent coming from a caregiver there must be something wrong with me and once we do that's we have just internalised shame we have internalized those messages and now we have to leave begin the Battle of trying to rid ourselves from that shame well<br> we young and I was just be fascinated with<br> you do everything around us at that particular time and in our lives but the whole reason that you know it's very devastating intergenerational trauma is so devastating for us is because trauma in general places distorted template over our perceptions I mean, basically says to us that's all there is this is all there is to you and this is as good as it gets you know we don't we don't know of anything better we don't we don't even think that there is something better until you. We are shown that there is something better<br> and yet you know what's intergenerational trauma for those who are wounded passing-down such labels you know all lies and distortions that come from other wounded people who have yet to embrace themselves as a sole back once we Embrace ourselves as a so we are going to be in even more astonished to see the power of our soul to not only transcend trauma and transform our wounded energy<br> but also to empower others to do the same<br> okay but do you know if you are a lover of History like I am you know what you have to do is just go back in time and as history has taught us many people have feared the resiliency and the power of the soul and therefore that they've tried to silence its cry and if you've been listening to me for some time now you know that you know one of the things that I typically Say Non on this broadcast is that there's no way that we anybody can silence another person's soul because the soul is powerful the soul is eternal<br> and that you cannot silence its cry and then through killings murders or genocide starvation's forced to simulations humiliations segregation's looking at people at Savages they looking at them as primitive and backward and unworthy unlovable and therefore disposable as those in control see fit<br> what is n what is really heartbreaking to me is that these atrocities on down through history have often been committed in the name of God by people who should see themselves as so back even when killing is done in the name of advancing the kingdom of God it really when we get right down to it the only thing that is truly Advanced is this distorted view from those who will do anything to hang onto their power<br> now I have to say that I have yet to meet anybody who begins a journey of self-discovery that sooner or later they have to work through personal and family traumatic experiences by those also needing to come to terms with their own trauma<br> and in a sense the family perspective and these stories and so forth and interpretations of traumatic events seem to go hand-in-hand if I sometimes trauma becomes a way in which individuals and families and generations have to find themselves which internally then perpetuates this cycle of intergenerational trauma me put it this way if grandparents or great-grandparents parents and end or other caregivers do not have a healthy sense of themselves or they too are struggling with intergenerational traumatic experiences they're going to unconsciously Pastor issues on to younger Generations in terms of their fears and anxieties and insecurities and abandonment just the name a few<br> but for the most part healing is a matter of unlearning these generational lessons that have affected what family members have believed about themselves as well as how these perceptions have affected their behaviors towards one another it's not impossible<br> it is very possible to heal from this it is a process but it is possible that even if one's parents or grandparents or great-grandparents are deceased healing can still be achieved by understanding that the certain Dynamics or the nuances of trauma that has been handed down in the family as well as appreciating the resiliency and other character traits that family members possess<br> you say emotional and psychological wounds are not the only things that we may have inherited you know our character strengths are gifts are skills were also had two down and that's one of the joys that I have and just working with kids is like if they have a particular skill or Talent like say 4 Like Love Of Music where they just have this gift when they can pick up a pretty much any instrument I just start playing my next question is who else in the family can do that you know what year was your grandmother a great singer or was your grandfather and musician you know where were things passed out not just unhealthy wounded stuff in the family okay so not just traumas had to down or has the potential of being handed down but also the other great quality characteristics the gifts and the skills and so forth and this realization<br> I'm such a beautiful nomenon is a significant aspect of healing relationships are the Kurds when we can understand what has so wounded another person and then what has so wounded ourselves as to allow us to continuously act out of our Wilderness but yet expect different results<br> and I have to say that from my own personal experience that by understanding the background of those who hurt me it has allowed me to take the necessary steps closer to forgiving and releasing the burdens of carrying around my wounds any longer because I started to see that's where their wounds came from they're not born that way they can come in the world totally evil you know what happened in their lives that may have taken him down that road what wounds are they still struggling with where do they still need to be healed and so forth<br> and the same is true whenever we forgive one another you know in a sentence what we are doing is it we're telling the other person that we no longer want them to carry the weight of their once we want them to also be unburdened by say any weight of bitterness or unforgiveness or shame or humiliation or whatever other pain they may have suffered from in the past but continues to influence how they think and say and act in harmful ways today<br> but let's take this point a little bit deeper shall we okay what happens if we say if we go to ask you know for forgiveness and the person or people spit it back in our face<br> what do we do then<br> you mean we're we're we're ready to forgive or ready to be forgiven but the other person is not does this mean that true forgiveness cannot occur<br> no way we can still release ourselves from carrying any psychological emotional and spiritual pain that we are holding on to<br> are we can shift this negative energy that we've been giving to those things into more Life Giving positive higher vibrational healthier relationships<br> that's how you know you've heard me talk about this before about self-inflicted wounds and you know this is exactly where I got this phrase from it it's like the vibration you know my neck out<br> that's a negative energy you know of whatever has heard us or where we are that negative energy of what we send out through our thoughts or our words or actions will return to us just like we hear our voice at going back in our ears whenever we're in a tunnel can I or if we're the cave and this energy unless we transform that energy through healing our own wounds and will come back to us exactly how it went out from us<br> I think about it we ever kid that just shouted hello in a cave<br> and it comes back to us hello just like we sent it out the same is true with our negative energy or negative thoughts are words and our actions how we send things out is how it's going to return to us what we send out is going to return to us in the same way and this is something that we have to be mindful with all the time and this understanding has profound impact on our understanding for beginning that healing process and forgiving ourselves and one another and really it's it's based on a larger model of restorative justice and that's an interesting study to do in and of itself just how has history and we're history has shown that restorative justice works<br> well a great book to read this summer even though we have what little over a month and a day before the official summer is over and where you come into Autumn but a great book to read whether it's summer autumn any other time you know is the Wounded healer by Henri nouwen the wounded healer and it almost 74% people are often compelled to go into helping professions because they also understand themselves as being wounded<br> they know what it's like they felt the pain they've been hurt they know the struggle and so on and so forth and they want to reach out to others who have also been wounded<br> but I want to take this one step further like a little bit deeper here and say that people not only see themselves as having been wounded but they also know the power of transformative healing and the power of forgiveness and the power of working through all that stuff in paint but takes place in themselves as well as its effects on the rest of humanity<br> and the key is embracing who we truly are and not allowing ourselves to fall back or even be pulled back into victimhood<br> ironically when we find our voice whenever we find our peace whenever we find our true self there will be others who become uncomfortable around us because now the light we carry it might just might be too much for them to be around and it has nothing to do with being inferior Superior it's just because the energy is so great the light is so great and yet on the other hand they're there will be others who will be drawn to This Light because they resonate with the higher vibrational aspects of that energy that comes from the light<br> well I would really love to hear what's on your heart and mind about the subject so again if you would like to call in that number is 888-627-6008 that's 888-627-6008 and I'll be taking your calls after the break again you are listening to reclaiming authenticity and I'm your host dr. James hauke I'll be back with you in 1 minute<br> all right everybody welcome back after that short break on dr. James how can you are listening to reclaiming authenticity before I go any further I just want to share with you about next week she'll very excited about this one so tune in Next Friday afternoon at 3 Eastern Standard Time when I will continue a conversation on quenching the soul with the light of water. That's right you heard correctly quenching the soul with the light light of water than water is something that's hopefully we don't take for granted cuz it's one of our most precious resources but so is light and what happens when we understand the concept of how water holds the light<br> and how that nourishes our salt so tune in next Friday I will be exploring and talking about quenching the soul with the light of water well earlier in the show I was talking about how she's made assorted family perspectives and interpretations of traumatic events seem to go hand-in-hand in fact sometimes trauma becomes a way in which individuals and families and generations have defined themselves which then perpetuates this cycle of intergenerational trauma and this is something that you do in in working with kids on or teenagers they kind of start the put two and two together they start to connect the dots on this because you know they understand you know how things have been handed down through the generations and if they're sitting with me it means that they're struggling<br> the same kind of trauma but did not go through the initial horrific experience that caused the trauma in the first place so I can least get six teenagers start to connect the dots kind of lightbulb goes off in their in their heads and they just say no wait a minute if this stuff happened you know with my grandparents or great-grandparents are however far back I can go why is it landing on me and why do I have to be the one to deal with this stuff they couldn't deal with it how come they couldn't stop that's why do they keep big getting handed down and at that point I know that they're starting to get it and most of the time I like I have to smile because it's it's a joy-filled like aha moment because then I share with them the reason why you're dealing with this is B<br> cuz you're the actually the strongest one in the family to be able to stop this you're the strongest one who can transform this you're the one that's let's say your grandparents might be looking to now in order to heal the family and you're the one to keep this from going forward so that your kids and grandkids and great great great great great whatever kids into the future don't have to deal with this and that word of encouragement or that power these kids really taken to their their hearts and they you know get a smile on their face and you know that shifts this mentality are ready for this perspective of you know I've been called lazy crazy and stupid All My Life 2<br> oh yeah<br> I have the strongest one in the family I can't deal with this stuff I can take care of this but yeah let's go you know where do we start in talence like easy kid easy you know got a lot of work to do but yes you are the strongest one in the family okay because perhaps in their realization of what it is that they've had to deal with over their lives perhaps they've also where the ones that came into the you know this world with the the strengths the talents the gifts this you know and so forth the character traits and all that to be able to heal the family and transform this negative energy into something higher the vibrational energy that just raises the families energy very high<br> thanks so interesting Lee you know it's it's just wonderful to work with kids who just get this how do we healed intergenerational trauma because you know and in all reality you know if you have great grandparents or grandparents or parents or other caregivers they didn't have a healthy sense of who they are or they were struggling with some their own intergenerational traumatic experiences and they were not strong enough to find the healing you know and again this isn't a shame or guilt issue it's not a matter of pointing fingers and say Well it must be super weak because they couldn't stop this<br> on the contrary you know it's it's it's just it's it's not a it's not a blame it's not a fault finding it's just maybe they were just unconsciously aware of how they were being affected by such trauma and then they also unconsciously passed on these issues to the younger Generations you know and and just really projected their own fears and anxieties and insecurities and abandonment issues and so forth now admittedly looking to others for approval and self-worth appears to be a natural part of developing a sense of who we are and right before the break I was sharing that you know at a very early age up to 3 maybe even four years old I mean we're still babies at that point at that age we are so susceptible to start to<br> internalized very shame filled messages and it's one thing you know that is Mount to anything and we laughed that off or just like yeah okay whatever go away you know it's it's not Landing a shame in us but the minute we stopped and we listen to those messages out of your lazy crazy and stupid and we start to internalize it and we start to entertain those messages or we start to see patterns of like oh yeah that didn't work out I guess it's me and guess what your other person was right that I am lazy and if you know because of this happened oh gosh I must really be stupid then<br> are the however these messages are these labels are reinforced and just a very hurtful way they Landon us as Shane and it really affects our self-worth and how we not only see ourselves but also how we interact with others how we see the world and it's going to affect our actions as to whether or not we feel confident enough at some point to take chances in Life or to take risks or are they you know this message is going to want to mobilize us so much to the degree that we cannot get no step outside of a very boxed in comfort zone so you don't look at the approval you know for others you know to get our self-worth it is a natural park okay you know we haven't learned to internalise it for ourselves yet and this behavior is often how we first learn about ourselves and<br> others and the world and yeah we have families we have teachers as we get a little older and we have other Early Childhood authority figures you know whoever they are and our lives and you know these figures reflect their own views and mirror these perceptions back to us so we got we can go back and rope in you know the movie Frozen or actually the Snow Queen you know from Hans Christian Andersen and you know they know they mirror these perceptions back to us for example you know how long before we can even form words okay we are very skilled at reading facial prompts or sensing another person's approval or disapproval at where we recognize that owns of love and laughter and anger and contempt and and distinguishing between a loving touch or a cold attachment<br> hurting every other emotion in between okay because sometime around three months of age again early early on we begin to engage in what's called face-to-face interactions with our caregivers it's it's a social referencing is what it's called and as infants we display visual facial and vocal behaviors in response to how we are being treated that's through a kind of give-and-take exchange between ourselves and others typically helps us to understand different situations that we realized that it's like hey you know in church you as sister be quiet you don't want to jump up and then like start shouting and screaming as if you were you know at a baseball game or whatever okay but fairly early on you know like I said well before we can even start to form words you know it where we're picking up facial tones from others and ask<br> results because we have yet to form words into it yet to even express a language it's then we hold these initial interactions in our bodies as we develop a sense of trust and safety or we develop a sense of Suspicion and distrust<br> and yet from these early stages of infancy we we'd learn to regulate our affect as we took our social cues from the people around us you know how and when to express our feelings are appropriately or as as well as like when and where such emotions are to be displayed you know like that work or play or school or family get-togethers funerals or or whatever and that's what we do know for physically and emotionally maturing we we learn to become less dependent on others for this kind of affirmation but it is replaced with a more internalised or an individual sense of Who We Are<br> in other words instead of looking externally to get what we need in terms of approval and acceptance we now look within Define such qualities qualities like resiliency the other piece and self-love xcetera but how do we do this you know what needs to be done you know how do we work through the say the wounds of Shame you know this is very difficult you know it seems to be easier for people to work through issues of guilt rather than issues of Shame you mean at least with guilt you know there is some sense of responsibility or taking ownership of it and then going back and apologizing and making amends yet there's something that guilt requires up from us you know we have to do something shame is different you know she has to do<br> more with a distorted identity it has to do more with a distorted perception of you know this isn't who we truly are but we've taped it on as something hurtful and shameful but how do we get out from under this well we start by looking at the issues squarely for what they are as well as where and from whom did they come from okay go with can start by just saying you know where have I been hurt the most you know who who has hurt me the most wear in my life even today do I struggle to find forgiveness you know for myself for you know where do I struggle to find forgiveness in others<br> and here's the second half of this it's like where do we find it difficult to release in our lives because in some ways it serves a dysfunctional space<br> you know it's one thing to say yes I forgive you or thank you for forgiving me but we got to let that go then we have to release it we have to it goes out for month to goes out from us because I've met too many of people who are tempted to pick it back up again and carry it around and like I've never been forgiven of this because they've never also released it okay so forgive and then release it and when we experienced forgiveness and when we're able to release this negative energy in the pain that we've been hanging onto you know those aspects of ourselves that no longer serve us we do tune into those higher frequencies or vibration spiritual vibrations as it were and I love the analogy of a music tuner were like a piano tuner I should say<br> using a tuning fork by first striking the prongs and thereby releasing a perfect wave pattern and then that person adjust the sound of an instrument so that the two vibrations are in sync and that is a great visual to what it means to raise our vibrational awareness you know the vibrations the higher vibrations are already there but it's what has to be released in our lives or what has to be forgiven or what has to go or what you know recognizing things that no longer serve us that allow us then to tune ourselves to that higher vibration that things that are our soul just really resonate with because the two vibrations are in sync and we also have to keep in mind<br> that just as we initially looked at others for our sense of affirmation and belonging and acceptance so too are others looking to us to receive you know their sense of affirmation belonging and acceptance I mean at first glance this exchange beats appears to be mutually beneficial however it can also lead to codependency in our relationships which is typically seen in an unhealthy relationship where by one person shall we say supports or enables another person's addiction or supports their poor mental health or immaturity or irresponsibility insecurity or underachievement just to name a few<br> and perhaps the most common theme in codependency is this excessive Reliance on on others for one's approval and a sense of identity and it did really becomes dysfunctional because we can't allow that other person to change and healthy ways because well if they changed I can't get my unhealthy needs mat so we need that keep them just as dysfunctional as us in order to keep getting from each other what we think we need okay so you know it is just that it takes time to heal from these things but yeah that also begins with an awareness and healing is also a matter of unlearning is generational lesson set up affected what family members have believed about themselves for so long<br> okay and just wanted to share with you just wonderful stories that I had shavery acquainted myself with here and the few minutes that we I once read a story that in certain African tribes when someone did something wrong they take the person to the center of the village and I were the tribes around him and for two days for two days they say nothing to him except all the good he has stopped<br> see the tribe believes each person is good but sometimes people make mistakes which they interpret as being a cry for help and everyone in the community unites as a as a people and as one voice to help this person reconnect with their good nature and this is what they call him too and just imagine if we did that today you know that there's somebody had you know whether it be a community or town or something where people know the person and they get into trouble somehow someway and instead of lashing out instead of you know being hostile to other person or turn your back on them we bring them into let's say the the circle and we remind him or her all the good that they have done<br> and how to every person sees them in a very positive way<br> just what if we did that today<br> what would that look like then what would be the end result of a just imagine instead of burdening someone and by the way we're going to burden ourselves to with such labels as you're lazy crazy or stupid we were mind that person of everything good they have done including the fact that they need to be reminded of the need for themselves to go deeper into themselves in order to find the light that has always been there they just don't know it yet<br> now if we humans are capable of not only seeing but also saying life-giving affirmations to one another imagine how God sees I just worry about you and what would God say you know for 2 days if God was part of that Circle and we were in the center<br> just imagine that if we can come up with very positive affirmations and we can remind the person just how much they are loved and cared for and all the goodness that's within then what else would God add to that what would God say to us<br> well another story is just a little different that I often listen to people debate about the opioid crisis and what needs to be done to eradicate it and in all of the discussions of how to solve this problem you know through better education or throwing more money at rehab programs or building even building bigger prisons I have yet to find anybody to ask the question what kind of pain are these people in that they do not want to feel<br> what kind of pain are these people in but they don't want to feel what kind of physical pain are they in what kind of emotional pain are they in<br> what kind of psychological pain are they in and in fact what kind of spiritual pain are they in<br> so let's return to this African practice of a blue tail and another definition of In Bloom till I heard is its you do a southern African philosophy that actually came from the the granny culture that roughly means I am because we are and it signifies this interconnection of all of humanity and in the story that I read a South African student explains who went to like this means seeing Humanity in All We Are All One your fate is my fate we are all siblings<br> try to think of yourself not as an isolated individual but as a drop in the ocean of humanity a single entity puto means kindness humanness Hospitality to all and 1/2 means that we must left all of us collectively<br> so why do we see the concerns of the marginalized and suffering and think at least I'm not one of them or see someone of A different race or culture or class and think that you know what their issues really don't matter to us it why do we see ourselves as separate<br> according to important to are they not our siblings are we not them and they not us<br> well no you are not lazy crazy or stupid<br> you are beautiful you are loved you have gifts and talents and skills and so forth you have all the wonderful wonderful things you know not to go out and kill others not to be filled with hatred or self-loathing your soul that has come from a vast Universe filled with the presence of God and you will return there<br> no you are not lazy crazy or stupid for this is not how God sees you never has never will<br> perhaps you just never realized it yet<br> because we try to make ourselves worthy of God's grace and love but we don't realize that unconditional love has always been with us<br> the only thing that separates us from God is our unawareness of God's unconditional love and where there is unconditional love there's unconditional forgiveness and peace just waiting to shower us with a love which we have never known or experienced<br> and it's time for people everywhere to bleed this to trust it in to walk in this truth to see it in themselves to see it in others<br> and when we forgive you do not if but when but it's do so from the perspective that the other person has yet to realize that their fullness you know it. We need to forgive ourselves when we have forgotten our truth yes the truth sets us free but freedom is often and intimidating aspect for us to grasp most of the time we Embrace negativity and love to be controlled by people who want us to be something that suits them<br> and that suits their unrealised truth<br> I've sat with many children who often struggle with low to no self-esteem all because they've picked up messages that they've heard from parents teachers or other authority figures in their lives but I'll leave you today with one simple sentence for let you know in the words of Gandhi<br> if you want real peace in the world start with children<br> Eye Doctor James how can you have been listening to reclaiming authenticity bite you to join me next week as we take a look at quenching the soul with the light of water until then be safe by all means behave yourself and may you be blessed with the light of God take care<br> it's all there, and we'll see you next on CBS Radio TV<br>