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Reclaiming Authenticity, 01/04/2022

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Reclaiming Authenticity
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The Tetris of Forgiveness

Reclaiming Authenticity with Dr James Houck

Title: The Tetris of Forgiveness.

Reclaiming Authenticity

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Reclaiming Authenticity: The courage to reclaim that which has always been in you.

No matter who we are, where we were born, and into what family we were placed, ours is a world full of relationships. Indeed, we are social beings who spend our lives making sense of our world by trying to find our place in the world. As social beings, it is often within the context of relationships that we experience tremendous pain and suffering. From overt acts of betrayal and cruelty that someone may have inflicted against us or vice versa, to simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time, many people bear the scars of physical, psychological, emotional, and spiritual wounds. And yet ironically, just as we experience our woundedness in relationships, it is also within the context of healthy relationships that we find our healing and authenticity. The difficulty, then, is often finding the courage to discover that which has always been in you.

For over 25 years, Dr. James Houck has been helping people discover their authentic selves by integrating spirituality into their mental and emotional health. As people are able to integrate these disciplines, they often discover core issues that have been keeping them wounded in relationships.

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Weekly Show
BBS Station 1
Friday
Starts
2:00 pm CT
Ends
2:55 pm CT
Show Transcript (automatic text 90% accurate)

dr. James house
good afternoon everybody wherever you are in the world at this time welcome to reclaiming authenticity you find your courage to reclaim that which has always been in you and I'll say a little bit more about that that is just something that I found to be true time and time again she is very much rooted in too deep sea to beliefs within myself so I'll say I said I'll say more about that here shortly but definitely excited to be with you any other time in between because each and every week these broadcast focus on the integration of our spirituality and our mental health all within the context of our relationships with ourselves and others and God or the divine
I am dr. James and if you would like more information about me or maybe you want to leave me your comments about Today show I invited you to visit the website it is www.pbs radio.com reclaiming authenticity www.bbs.com reclaiming authenticity you can go back and listen to these broadcast because now they are a podcast in case you want to go back and get caught up into the archive listen to previous shows and if you would like to call in a show I invite you to do that just call the toll-free 9 8 8 8 6 2 7 6 0 0 8 dotts 888-627-6008 give me your insights your comments and thoughts on today's subject the touch
unforgiveness the shape of things to come
now for those who are just putting in for the first time as I said at the beginning that she is as very much I just now growth of to deep-seated believes Within Myself and they just something that I had seen time and time again. Only in my experiences as a counseling therapist but also in the trauma work that I do working with the kids teenagers and adults of all ages but also the work that I was involved in I'm still involved so it comes out of this integration I should say flows out of these two deep-seated beliefs in which one I truly believe that people already have the answers within you know cuz how many times we get frustrated because we're looking in the wrong place and I think we need to go over there without a trace of Magic Bullet to her we get out of the latest craze or the fashion statement or something which is only meant to give us a quick fix
but none the less we try it out because well were looking for answers we want to be healed we have always wrestled with things we just can't seem to get through them but when we start the we can realize that we have started in the right place we look for the answers within because the second part also has to do with the fact that I truly believe that all of us come into the world already equipped and graced with everything we need in this life in terms of our giftedness or skills or talents are strengths character traits so on and so on we come into the world with these things are ready we are gifted by God we are already blessed by God and we often go through life and we tend to forget that and that's something that my friends
play remind me that you know send is more or less that we have forgot. We have forgotten how connected we are with God and therefore we act out of ignorance we are, things and wound other people from a wounded place in ourselves we don't realize how connected we are to one another and God were the Divine so as we go along in life and may be due to some unpleasant experiences we may think that we need to hide our gift at this because perhaps we've shown that giftedness or those skills are those talents and for one reason or another we were ridiculed or we were shamed at some point were you made to feel guilty because well you know who are you to be showing off and we were showing off we were just acting according to hard skills in our strengths and so forth or maybe we push our giftedness as a result way down so that others can
tend to forget that well those gifts didn't go anywhere they are ready to come out and you know perhaps we were told we would never amount to anything or whatever other voice we heard telling us that there's nothing special to us which was all lies but at the rate we do not realize our giftedness and we end up going through life functioning from that place of wounded Nest aware that the victimization instead of a place of healing and wholeness and embracing our uniqueness or are the chances that that specialist that everybody has it so that's why I say we all come into the world with everything that we already need and we have the answers that lie within and so I encouraged you to find that uniqueness about you what's is special about you because you have gifts that are uniquely yours and you have a baby
however when we function in our gifts and strengths and character traits and so forth you know for the benefit of others that's when it really becomes just a source of healing and Grace in another person's life and hopefully they discover new things about that and a whole reason why I place you know the integration of spirituality and mental health in relationships is because when you think about it and here is the irony of life that we often receive our deepest physical and emotional and psychological even spiritual wounds in our relationships and yet we can discover our greatest healing and strength and peace and forgiveness and love through healthier relationships you know relationships are we say is like the common denominator in all things we experienced wildernessa relationship but yeah we can also
experienced a tremendous healing and Grace and these relationships just might be within our own families or own co-workers or our friends because whenever we are being transformed we're also going to automatically transfer mother's by our presence Grace and understanding you know sometimes people could notice a change in us before we notice it in ourselves just how we carry ourselves all the presents we bring into a room or any social situation but first forgiveness kindness and compassion begins with how we treat ourselves because really when we are compassionate with ourselves we then can be compassionate with others and vice-versa and when we are forgiving of ourselves we then can be more forgiving with others and vice-versa and when were able to live in gratitude with ourselves and just simply be grateful and thankful
for each and every day we that discover how this opens up our hearts to see and to live in gratitude with others
transformation indeed is first and foremost begins with us but it's also meant for the betterment of others and one of the ways people get in touch with this integration of spirituality and mental health is that many people engaged in meditation and order to find their healing Grace and peace within and yet as the Buddhist teacher once said that meditation is not to get out of society but to prepare for a re-entry into society and this is what we call engage Buddhism when we go to a meditation center we may have the impression that we leave everything behind we leave our family and society and all the complications involved with them and become as an individual in order to practice and search for peace
but this is already an illusion he says because in Buddhism that there is no such thing as an individual and the car Rogers one of my favorites a psychiatrist who was the founder of person-centered therapy also once said regarding relationships that when another person is hurting or confused troubled anxious alienated or even terrified or when he or she is doubtful but I just filled with self metre doubtful of their self-worth and uncertain as to their identity then understanding it others is called for
and I thought the gentle and sensitive companionship of an empathic stance provide illumination and healing in such situations he says deep understanding is the most precious gift one can give to another
so how do we do this
how we live this out on a daily basis what does this look like on a Saturday morning or Monday afternoon or even a Wednesday evening well that's what this show is all about helping you discover how to reclaim that which has always been in you so welcome to Today Show the tetris of forgiveness the shape of things to come
well first of all I just have to start off by asking a question what is it about forgiveness that invoke such an emotional reaction in US
what is it about forgiveness that that this causes you know a stirring deep within
and I think it's because we are often reminded about all of the Injustice has or mistakes or ridicule and shame and horror and the mental emotional physical and spiritual pain inflicted on us or all those things that we have said and done to others
or perhaps we have such a visceral response to the word forgiveness because we know that societies definition of forgiveness and it's often half-hearted apologies only further cement wounds that need to be brought to light that need to be heard that needs to be healed properly
irate forgiveness it is often linked to Justice and the assurance that offenses will never be repeated again I mean that's that's really what we are looking for I'm trying to make sure these things never happen again and make sure that we will never be one to the can make sure that we correct our Behavior or our thoughts and so forth and other words for forgiveness to be truly effective it has to be linked with repentance
but it's not the ramifications can be truly devastating
well in his book from hurt to Healing the author Park writes that when people's deep wounds are not healed those wounds become vortexes of Troubled Waters intertwined with their own instincts for survival
in other words hurt people hurt people
wounded people wound people
from a place of internal wickedness that has yet to be forgiven and healed and released
you know that there is still much debate over who really benefits over forgiveness
who benefits from forgiveness is it the one who forgives or is it the one who is being forgiven
how do you think about it it's both actually think about it in terms of you know who carries the burden okay so let's say if you're over a certain age I'm sure you remember playing the video game Tetris. Maybe you played this game and an arcade or at home or on the Gameboy well if you ever if you have never played this game before Matt was kind of easy to understand you kind of picked it up you know and just did a couple of tries and the game itself would begin when the various shaped blocks would drop slowly from the top of the screen and you had to quickly turn a flip the blocks around and stack them in a way that you could avoid building up this wall
and the key now the game was to complete a full roll of blocks and order that the row was then disappear that's making your wall smaller of course the more successful you were in eliminating your blocks the more difficult the game became the blocks within start to be dropped faster and I have to admit that as a teenager I play that game 4 hours it was very very addictive
well as with most video games Tetris is rooted within popular culture and which of course extends Beyond just the arcade or gaming system of its day get out of class early can be applied to all areas of my life and one area in particular looks closely at the neurological effects on the human brain following hours of Tucker which is often called the tetris effect
now according to one researcher dr. Richard hair he says that prolong tetracite tivity can also lead to more efficient brain activity during the play for example when first playing Tetris brain function and activity increases okay good hand-eye coordination and all that and he says also there is greater cerebral energy consumption I which is measured by the glucose metabolic rate and players become more proficient their brains actually showed a reduced consumption of glucose indicating more efficient brain activity for this particular task in fact that you know he also noted that just was a moderate I'm playing Tetris let's just say for 30 minutes a day for 3 months that time actually boost critical-thinking reasoning language
processing and increases the cerebral cortex which is a good thing you know the greater the thickness of the cerebral cortex the increase in one's intelligence well ironically forgiveness has a similar effect on the cerebral cortex
in one study by author name Worthington states that the forgiveness is a cognitive and an emotional process that eradicates chronic hostility or this need for rumination over what has been done to you or what you did to others it also reverses the effects like hypertension I think about it how many times and how much energy have you spent ruminating on an offense
1 month
a year 5 years 10 years
how many how many times have we laid awake in bed at night playing the yeah I know I should have I could have I would have
interesting Lee enough forgiveness promotes well-being I mean their Studies have been done over and over and over again you know when a person truly forgives it shows up just greater physical health greater physical and mental emotional health so it does put forgiveness does promote a while being overall sense of well-being and it also promotes good cardiovascular health and it may increase survival rates now specifically trait forgiveness that is a constant attitude to me I'll be able to forgive is associated with a diminished you know use of medication and alcohol
that's interesting Lee enough and after the break I'll go into a little bit more detail about this so just what is this trait forgiveness how do we get there how do we live our lives and just a constant addict attitude of forgiveness and why is it that some people are you no more readily available to forgive whereas others it is just something to be shunned shop
well for them or empathy comes from forgiveness empathy towards an offender I also eliminates When shall we say a retaliatory but hey you know the room that needs to retaliate the need to get even and the reason for this is because when we understand we're of the offense came from you know where the person came from their experiences you know the circumstances that led to you know their behavior and lashing out at they dead or saying that the you know very evil things that they did and I know is that he or she carries up to that point
you know if we're honest with each other giving all those factors we would probably act in the same manner
but the more when we were able to step back and think about just what experiences must have happened to the offender to be able to lash out in aggression or to cut another with their words or to take advantage of innocent people and deed what happened to victims is horrific and appalling and must be accounted for
but what happens to the offender is in Subway's much much worse
it's either their sense of morals and ethics and empathy have been destroyed
by what has been done to them
but also if the offender has the opportunity to be forgiven and truly heal from their past would they likely commit the offense again
probably not
and then switch forgiveness offers an opportunity to be healed and live a better life
when we all act and speak from degrees of ignorance you know we just simply do not know what we do not know but if we truly see the psychological emotional physical and spiritual Damage Done internally and externally would we be willing to hurt another would we be willing to hurt ourselves
well I've used analogy of Tetris and other video games many times as I work with kids and teens regarding their academic and social interactions by the time I see them either grades are failing or they're experimenting with drugs or you know what they're not going to school or they're acting out or those two angry Hospital little guys and girls
and we often get on the subject of video games like what are you playing these days and of course you know the latest Kirby game is out as a town am and of course the latest Pokemon game as you do everything like that I don't know what's coming out next for Easter but I'm sure you know that these companies are always cranking out new games so these little guys and girls just keep me up-to-date with what's the latest of the video games but it doesn't take long for us to get talking about the storyline of the games and what skills you need in order to beat the game video games develop critical thinking skills and problem-solving skills you know plus you know what I try to link together with these games and you know what that with the kids is that there is a lot of application between the video game world and the world in which they live
for example quite often teens either intentionally or unintentionally feel isolated from their friends or others almost as if they've been excluded is a impenetrable walls for sound into isolation and loneliness
whether they're trying to fit in and they're trying to fit in with a group but they keep when say they keep running into these walls imposed on them by others
and it doesn't take longer if they keep getting rejected enough times before you know it they started to build their own walls to keep other people away
this analogy is not just for kids and teens adults can feel excluded as well whether it's at work or their own social groups or within their religious communities or communities of faith and even within their own families
well what you believe that the video game Tetris has a lot to teach us regarding not only the emotional walls we build to protect ourselves and to keep others out but also it teaches us how we can find Healing from these emotional psychological physical and spiritual Woods
because of that when you think about it as we construct our walls Brick by Brick through forgiveness
they can also come down Brick by Brick
forgiveness is a process
during this process we just might be surprised that the how many bricks are connected to each other
Taxi the interesting point to all of this is when we begin taking down our bricks shall we say through forgiveness we just don't throw them into a pile like okay another one down with just toss that over there until they're just in a you know a mess you know just piled on top of one another but instead we transform those bricks which were once formed into a wall and turn down a structure that empowers other is to experience love and grace and forgiveness for themselves
and this is where your giftedness comes in
because how you transform that wall that you've built through your own wounds and protection and so forth I get it people do this to feel protected but when it's time to forgive and time to remove those bricks from the wall your own giftedness your own uniqueness transforms those bricks into something more Life Giving for the sake of others
well there's a Buddhist story out there regarding the one-time Buddha did not forgive someone that it just seems kind of ironic and in a shocking horse abudawood forget I mean that's all to mately what his teaching was all about but it's the story is also told in a way that focuses on real compassion from which tricky business flows
The Story Goes Like This Restless businessman once came into the Buddhas assembly and walked straight at him and he spat he was Furious that his children who could have spent their time learning money
decided to sit with the Buddha instead with their eyes closed
well the blue not just merely smiled at this business man there was no words there was no reaction and the man stood there for the long time until he walked away in a huff and he just was shocked and interesting he couldn't sleep all night
I meant you see the for the first time in his life he met somebody who smiled when he was spit at
his whole world had turned upside down
well the next day he goes back to the Buddha and he fell at his feet and he said
please forgive me know what I did but the Buddha said no sir I cannot excuse you
and everybody in his assembly was taken aback the Buddha said why should I forgive you when you have done nothing wrong
about the businessman recounted what he did on the previous day remind of the bill that weren't you there when I ice pad on you
and the Buddhist simply replied okay that that person is not here right now if I ever meet the person you spat on I'll tell him to excuse you to this person here you've not done any wrong
your forgiveness should be such that a person who is Forgiven does not even know that you are forgiving them
I should not even feel guilty about their mistake and this is real compassion and that's what the Buddha taught
so yes forgiveness very much has to do with ourselves it is about self-healing self-empowerment in South Liberation but in the second half of Today Show I'm going to be looking specifically at how we can take down our bricks that have been used to construct an emotional psychological physical and spiritual wall of protection so if you would like to count call Linz. Again that number is 888-627-6008 and I'll be taking your calls after the short break again you are listening to reframing authenticity and I'm your host dr. James how can be back with you in one minute
okay welcome back I'm dr. James how can you were listening to reclaiming authenticity again just a quick word about next week's show that show is going to be held next Friday April 8th 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time noon Pacific Standard Time and the show will focus on Spirit winds the healing flute flute that's right the flute Spirit winds the healing flute now if you've been following this show for a while you've heard me play My flute in the beginning middle and end of the show each week and I use various native american flutes to achieve this so I thought it would be devoted show towards different Native Americans and how they speak to us spiritually but also the greatest showman of spirituality and mental health also how they live
are spirits so if you play the flute or interested in talking about next week for Spirit when's the healing flute and I'll have some interesting stories to share about how I got started and my teacher and and so forth
well earlier in the show I quoted the author Park in his book from hurt to healing and in his book he writes that when people's deep wounds are not healed those wounds become vortexes of Troubled Waters intertwined with their own instincts for survival in other words if these wounds are not healed they're going to keep growing and growing and growing that other words hurt people hurt people as I said before I'd wanted people wound people
play act from a place of internal woundedness that has yet to be forgiven healed and released
and interesting lay there is so they said there is still much debate over who benefits from forgiveness now is it the one who forgives or is it the one who is being forgiven and is actually both and volumes and volumes and volumes and books and books and books have been written on the subject of forgiveness and the psychological benefits of forgiveness in the emotional benefits benefits of forgiveness and so forth and it seems to be still a hot-button topic in many many people because when you just toss out the word I'm going to be talking on forgiveness today you talk about walls going up you know right away you know people are reminded of how they've been hurt or what the last time somebody broke their heart or they stay suffered a betrayal or whatever the case might be are constantly reminded mediately reminded of these wounds
well Bonnie wheel who wrote the book adultery that I forgivable said she states that if we don't forgive a grudge there's a part of us that dies inside
we lose her optimism our enthusiasm and our zest for life
and then that is so true I run into many people time and time again counseling situation or just everyday life who have just they feel kind of stuck I just don't have any hope they just know not enthusiastic and just you know the disaster for life is just not there and it's doesn't take long for us to start talking and sooner or later we got on the subject of hurts or offenses that have never been forgiven or they're holding on to something and just how that is just as a paying their emotional psychological strength
you know they just they live without hope they just don't feel enthusiastic in fact just the opposite is occurring they are becoming quite bitter quite resentful they don't feel well they have heart problems they have stomach problems I get migraines or where however else is being manifested in them physically
forgiveness is that powerful unforgiveness is that powerful
I got how many of us have said at one point in our lives look I get hurt and you want me to forgive the offender I mean after all I'm the one that got her the offender should do something for me
111 handy sounds reasonable to hang on to problems such as anger and bitterness and unforgiveness but I mean let's be honest here to the real issue why we don't want to forgive is perhaps that we want to keep ourselves protected from further wounding my jet that I truly get that we we live in a society where we want to avoid pain at all cost especially emotional pain
we don't want to let our guard down and be hurt all over again
this kind of thinking traps Us in in our pain and offers no plausible solution especially if you know they say the person who hurt us as offenders don't realize that they did something wrong or even if they do they just don't feel like making amends
you know this this situation seems problematic and it locks victims into a space filled with hurt
carrying this one's social physical and mental well-being but forgiveness eases this and not surprisingly is linked to improve health and quality of life
well as I said this week I've had some pretty interesting conversations with kids about forgiveness and later can you sooner or later we get talking about video games
fortunately many times video games are not seen as ways to teach kids about real Essence is my life and I have to always say w a game it's a form of escape and so on and so forth but you know everything is a teachable moment for us okay because breast in the video game you know you're trying to reach an end or go you know whether it's getting to a Finish Line or reaching the top of a mountain or even trying to find a hidden treasure whatever the goal of the game is at most of the time it takes several attempts to succeed you know kids are pretty good these days and figuring out the game but still first several tries no they haven't figured it out yet but yeah pretty much anybody playing the game for the first time has ever reached the goal of the game without making a few mistakes along the way and just simply have the start over
but here in lies life's lesson about forgiveness when we forgive or when we ask another for forgiveness it's like we've been given another chance to start over start over with ourselves and with the other person and even the start over with God
and forgetting this allows us to re-enter Society a little bit wiser little bit more engaged and living in gratitude because we you know know how much we have been forgiven of
so let's return to this analogy the game Tetris as I said before the game begins when various shape blocks one of the time drop slowly from the top of the screen you have to quickly turn and flip the blocks around and stuck them in a way that you could avoid building up a wall by course the the overall key for the game was the complete a full Roblox in order that the road would disappear thus making your walls smaller the very you know talented Ones playing Tetris they were really good at singing I'll take her just you know find that one piece and they were able to eliminate the other three four or five sections of rows and that was pretty exciting coz the game was the special music or something but of course you know the more successful you were in a limited in your blocks the more difficult the game was the blocks with then
start to be dropped faster the course of Music would get going you know what your low heart rate would get up and so forth but I think about RR wall of unforgiveness and hurts or whatever you have constructed your wall with
can I draw it out on a piece of paper
and make sure you draw the blocks large enough to show how they're all connected and if you liked picture of brick wall or a brick house or some other walls structure okay see how the bricks are arranged to see how their interconnected see how strong they are and so forth, do you have it good now once you have your Wall constructed no matter how high it goes it doesn't matter at this point just construct your wall now look at it closely
and ask yourself these questions
how did this wall get to be so high
how many months in years have we been building this wall of hurt than unforgiveness
how thick are those bricks
are they your average sized red bricks or are they more like cinder blocks
how are these bricks connected and how are they submitted or held together
do this for as long as you need to
and when you finished answering these questions imagine again yourself standing before your brick walk and you have a piece of chalk in your hands K and then at random go ahead and write how you have been hurt on each one of the bricks
and let's say on one brick you might write to how you were embarrassed at your wedding or a funeral
on another brick you might write how you felt betrayed by one who said he or she would always stand by you
and still on other bricks you might write senseless acts of aggression or cruelty that you experienced go ahead and write as much on your bricks as you need to
there is no time limit to this
now
what you were able to do that find a different colored piece of chalk and write down everything on those same bricks or bricks you don't have anything written on them things that you have said or done to another person or persons
for example on one brick you might write how you embarrassed others at a wedding or a funeral
on another brick you might write down how you betrayed one who you know you said you would always stand by
I'm still on other bricks you might write the senseless acts of aggression or cruelty that you committed or the hurtful things that you said
go ahead and write as much on your bricks as you need to
and all in all this exercise might take you an hour it might take you a day
or maybe we'll be an ongoing task for you to complete over several weeks it's up to you like I said there is no time limit here it all depends
but when you finished look at your wall
just sit with this wall for sometime again no time limit involved here and just allow yourself to feel those emotions that are attached to those wounds those breasts
don't judge them just let them come up and noticed them
then ask yourself these questions what needs to happen for me to take down one brick just one brick
what do you need to see what do you need to hear
what do you need to say what do you need to do
what needs to happen for me to take down just one brick
and what's keeping you now from doing so
our other bricks in this wall connected
what do they have in common
is there a pattern of wounded hness here
what do I gain from keeping these bricks in place
what's why is lose out on by keeping these bricks in place
so we can apply this same exercise the same analogy this a metaphor of Tetris to our lives especially when it comes to forgiveness and gratitude and most of the time even to this day Society wants to treat these themes as separate an individual it's either forgiveness or gratitude And yet when it comes to integrating our spirituality in our mental health forgiveness and gratitude can never be separated
or we can try this make me out we can try to make this out to be you know which came first kind of a chicken egg dilemma but in all actuality I have never met a person who didn't Express gratitude it all that they do and say without also having forgiveness in their heart
forgiveness and gratitude go hand-in-hand just like peanut butter and jelly or peas and carrots
because when we both have forgiveness and gratitude it opens up the heart like nothing else in our lives and allows an authentic love of self and others to emerge
so how do we go about cultivating forgiveness and gratitude and love
well
we begin with often the most difficult people we may ever encounter in our lives
our family
forgiveness and gratitude must begin with our families because this is often where we've experienced some of the most pain and hurt in our lives
psychological emotional side with me physical and even spiritual pain
we have to begin with our family or we going to or you know the origin issue is because these are the first people who gave us a sense of how the world works
I mentioned a little bit just last week one of my favorite family systems theory is Marie Bowen suggests that a person cannot be understood in isolation that is like a fully understood apart from the greater context of their family or their Community or the culture and the world and yet Within These larger systems people struggle to differentiate themselves and then to really be guided by their own thoughts and feelings and actions
another words although individual's desire to think and live and be free for themselves that is developing creative and critical thinking skills are often drawn back into the prevailing and often codependent emotional patterns that care characterized families and cultures and societies
but still I mean if we're honest with ourselves we made live in the part of the world where society's definition of differentiation is a mixed message
on one hand differentiation is often taken to the extreme cuz we're told to look out for number one be an individual walk to the beat of your own drum even
at the expense of others if necessary
it on the other hand there are times when we are also expected to go with the flow don't make waves fall in line and just keep your head down and just go with that status quo
and if these mixed messages are confusing you know you're not allowed all we have to do is just take a look at the history of systems in order to understand the violent and oppressive patterns against people who didn't conform to such wishes
are these mixed messages can go back for generations and generations in fact you forget and you've heard me talk about this you know ancestral healing that whenever we think of you know ancestry he like we might be hesitant to begin this process because we may still hold a tremendous amount of bitterness and rage and contempt against those who committed physical emotional or even sexual abuse against us or our families
practice we slept through those family albums we may discover they're not always filled with pleasant memories
said these pages may be filled with more memories of abuse and control and oppression and just downright cruelty
but nevertheless when we realize that we can be the transitional generation that no longer has to carry these wounds then our ancestors no longer have to carry them either
indeed we all possess inner strengths and resources and gifts to make this happen
yes when did people win people and intergenerational Trauma testing this
people who live their lives and forgiveness and gratitude and love transform generations of discovering the power of our souls voice is true that's a tremendous Catalyst for change
the true forgiveness goes a step further offering something positive empathy compassion understanding for the person who hurt you
selling trading on on living on CR ancestors remembering that our soul connection with them is not about placing blame or finding fault for wounds suffered from an irrational trauma and said it's a dialogue intended to create an ongoing opportunity for healing and Reconciliation as well as stopping the harmful psychological emotional and spiritual patterns from being passed on to Generations even yet to be born
see being the transitional generation therefore requires us to pretty much stand in the Gap as it were into offer forgiveness and release not just for ourselves but for all family members regardless of whether or not they were perpetrators or victims
are emotional psychological physical and spiritual woundedness that have formed These Bricks
do not create a wall all at once
they go up Brick by Brick hurt by hurt we owned by won't
before we know it we have a structure whereby no one touches us and we touch no one
as we find forgiveness we are empowered to take down these bricks and use them to now create beauty that flows from a heart of gratitude
another once was an emperor who who lived in Japan who possessed a very old and very costly vase it was a unique Masterpiece in the yard of a chinaware and one day somebody knocked it over by accident and broke it into just thousands of pieces the fragments were carefully collected in the most skilled Master Potters of the old empire were commissioned to put the vase together again and one by one they tried very hard to do so but when they failed they had to pay for it with their head
and then the emperor just like okay who's next and when that person failed off with your head next and so on and so on and so on I mean this repeated itself for many weeks until all the master Potters of the realm shall we say where he had it since none of them succeeded in putting the this Exquisite vase together again
but in the end only a single artist was left just an old said monk living with his young people cave in the mountains
I am on a call he came to the palace and he took the broken pieces with him and he carried them to his humble workshop and then he set out to work
after several weeks the monks show the results of his Endeavor to his pupil the vase had resurrected in its Flawless Beauty
the two monks wandered back to the city and deliver the vase to the Palace
the emperor was overly happy in the whole the whole Court praise the Perfection of the restored Masterpiece and the old monk was richly rewarded and gracefully dismissed
well one day the young pupil was just running around for something in the workshop when he unexpectedly discovered the broken scraps the broken shards of the old van and he quickly ran to his master and he exclaimed look I found all these pieces you know you didn't put them back together you know you didn't use them all however did you only managed to create a vase that is just as beautiful as the shattered one yes you did
well the old monk replied if you put yourself to work with a heart full of love you will always be able to create something beautiful
for giving us more empowering when you look at the bigger context
when you see from a wider perspective you see the potential for healing in others
in fact true compassion spontaneously arises in your heart
what dr. James how can you have been listening to reclaiming authenticity invite you to join me next Friday 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time in Pacific Standard time for another podcast as we're going to be taking a look at the ceiling of the flute so until that time everybody be safe be careful four ways in which to bring down the bricks in your life from the walls that you have created to protect yourself truly forgive one another truly look for the potential for healing. Just in your cells but also others even if you're just beating them for the very first time you never know what opportunities might fly I am a simple conversation so until next time everybody take care and God bless bye-bye
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