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Every Day Peace with Dr Dravon James, 26/10/2021

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Every Day Peace with Dr Dravon James
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Revisiting Strategies to Help Parents Rebuild and Enjoy Their Relationships with Their Teens

Every Day Peace with Dr Dravon James

Revisiting Strategies to Help Parents Rebuild and Enjoy Their Relationships with Their Teens

Laketia Carrell has more than 20 years of experience in therapeutic and mental health coaching. She brings her expertise to Everyday Peace and helps parents rebuild their relationships with their teens.

Every Day Peace with Dr Dravon James

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In today’s busy world it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and disconnected. Dr Dravon James helps to inspire, empower, and educate people to live the life of their dreams. Focusing on health, wealth, and relationships, Dr. James offers strategies that work for everyday life.

Show Transcript (automatic text 90% accurate)

Unity started more than a century ago as a publishing house and it's still producing some of the finest books and spiritual products anywhere here's good news is it's holiday season everything in the unity online store is 15% off you'll find the latest books journals and card decks along with an El Famous intention guys and a new pet puzzle this year send unique gifts to all your spiritual friend visit unity.org gift guide<br>you're listening to Unity online radio<br> the voice of an Awakening world<br> Empower yourself and get inspired to build the life of your dreams<br> welcome to Everyday peas with dr. dravon James<br> and Welcome to our show I'm Dr.Dre Bond James and this is everyday piece I'm super excited to be here with you today as we explore the concept of living a life of Peace everyday peace Define this wholeness completeness nothing missing nothing broken totality my goodness can you even imagine living your life in that place of Peace everyday well I'm here to tell you that yes every day peace is possible yes you deserve every day peace and yes you can have every day peace we work together on this show to bring you the topics and the guests to partner with you as you create your life of Peace everyday know if you missed last week's interviews you<br> missed a great show you missed Anthony to resi he is the author of the book Rippling waves A Spiritual Journey Through The Heart of the universe he was Dynamic and he shared with us how we all have the ability to get answers from you get her so Avail yourself to listen to that interview you also Lori spagna Louis Panther is a best-selling author a speaker in a spiritual Catalyst who guided us through the process of what it means to activate dormant the in a the DNA's banana moves a lot over the last couple years but there is a portion of our DNA which can help fulfill help us to fulfill our greater purpose in life and we have the ability to activate that so you can access that the interview as well as our whole library of interviews by<br> subscribing to the doctor dravon James everyday piece podcast on Apple Spotify Google Play and Stitcher or you can listen on the unity online radio. Org website another great place to access information about dr. Dre Bond James in the everyday piece show is to visit our website are new and improved website so if you seen it before you haven't seen it because it's new and improved I invite you to visit it again it's doctored Ray Vaughan james.com the website includes words of wisdoms and courage me any encouragement tips on how to live a more satisfying Journey also has excerpts from my book and contact information will you can get it and you can get free courses there we have two three great free courses up on the site now so<br> please head over there Dr.Dre Bond James Avail yourself to all that the site has to offer you will not be sorry it's chock-full of information that you will find useful as you plan to embrace life and live it to the fullest now our anthem for 2021 has been what are we waiting for<br> and we're coming to the home stretch of the year so you know the answer for that we are everyday peacemakers we are not waiting for anything because we know that now is the day to take action on building the life of our dreams and we bring our wonderful guests to help us do that today we have a wonderful guest with us today which is going to be providing information on how to have more deeper and more meaningful relationships with our teens so that's important but before we get to that we're going to stop by our everyday peace moment and I'm going to share with you that like is full of uncertainty makes me know that that's been a complaint people say oh my gosh you know we're living in such uncertain times but there's one thing we can be absolutely certain about and that is that there will be conflict conflict is inevitable internal conflict external conflict is everywhere there is<br> using viewpoints values and needs that occur all day long in life and if you are part of the everyday peace tribe you know that we believe in using everything that shows up in our lives The Good the Bad and everything in between yes that includes conflict in order to get to our desired goal life so we use everything as a stepping stone to get to that desired goal in life when conflict shows up we use it so I encourage you don't let conflict keep you from reaching your goals we are doing a free absolutely free master class this Thursday on just that mastering confrontation because I know the confrontation conflict has prevented so many people from reaching their relationship goals more deeper meaning for relationships I know that people have let conflict block them from reaching their next level of income to the goals that they have to build wealth<br> Legacy for their family well no more it's over we are taking the bull by the horn and we are talking about in mastering confrontation so if that sounds sounds like something you'd be interested in hearing more about please join us for an absolutely free master class this Thursday entitled mastering confrontation you can sign up and register for by just by visiting my website Dr.Dre Bond James., or by going to our Facebook page everyday piece on Facebook so I invite you to attend that conference with us that that Master Class so that you will stop letting conflict of confrontations get you all tripped up and and stagnated and prevent you from reaching your next level of great so our guest today is lakita<br> Carol and I said it wrong again this tongue of mine that has a mind of his own Miss Carol I'm going to let you say your first name again for his properly but I wanted to say that she was with us before we can we bring a guest back is because one they're incredible into I get requests I want to hear more about the teams and come look so that's what we're doing right now she brings over 20 years of experience in therapeutic mental health coaching she brings her expertise to our show and helping parents rebuild relationships with their teenagers so very important welcome to the show<br> thank you and you said my name is perfectly the cheetah is perfect so excited for this conversation because I don't know how important it is to have relationships with anybody but those members of our families of special members of our families are teenagers the Next Generation right we're teaching and modeling by our actions and our words and so we really want to get this right I think most parents would agree we want to get this right but it can be so challenging at times so thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule on the work you do is so very important thank you for taking time to be here with us today to share give us tips and how we get better in stereo<br> I am very happy to be here and very grateful for the offer that you spend with me you're welcome a little bit and returning guess but we have new listeners this is. A little bit with getting us a little background and how you got involved how this became your passion working with this segment of our population<br> or you know I<br> found it a lot of people would say I really don't like teenagers but I've always loved teenagers they come with their own challenges they have their own little mind and they know they can open my mind each generation has its own words that they say their own slang and I remember City wants to being a young man freestyle rapping freestyle it's just so awesome you know the other side was here all of the cussing older people hitting the cussing at people were able to cut of all the cuss words for me they said we cut those customers not for you with Carol and yet make this stuff up as they went to law and to the beach so it's really fascinating and I think that's when I started working with<br> young people teenagers just do it out to me in and teach me like I like the ones that hit the most challenging Behavior the best and those are my most people so I'm just just recognizing how intelligent they are and it's really sad that parents don't see things through that man like that<br> yeah yeah it is eating anything you just do a couple things which speaks to having an open mind right when we closed down on mine we missed out on a lot of beauty because that freestyling is you say it's very very difficult to do to Google with those lyrics and the content off the top of their head and then but do it to a beat to stay in rhyme and rhythm with a beat that is that is going that they may not have heard the beat before either so I always say that I'm fascinated by that have a teenager and he is a challenge me a rap challenges is pretty far it's been pretty spotty is one who stopped in the next person will pick up on the Knicks beat and there was no icing nose or hand signals or rehearsal<br> asked on the I just did hey can you guys freaked out and said yes and went ahead and did it I was very very impressed with that though so that's the first thing the first thing I would say to every parent if you want a better relationship with your teenagers the first thing you want to do is see the beauty in your teenager and that's kind of hard because we're always thinking about looking at how they're not clean up their rooms are their grades or whatever it is we don't like me tend to focus on that and we just stop right there and week if we're not careful it will pass through those teenage years so sickly and we will get stuck with a young adult who is a strange come up when we do not know we have no connection with because we have spent so much time just thinking all about discipline disciplining and Beatrice<br> that's what most people think about when they have teenagers and of course you know keeping them safe but we're not really thinking the simple simple things that can actually bring you some clothes and make your job as a parent a lot easier a lot and I love that seeing the beauty in your teenager and I think a lot of times her parents right at the a lot of what we do is fear-based Right anymore and people are right and then you do and you know I see you as always mommy's baby but the world sees you differently in really trying to you know so that's sort of parenting out of fear and we don't want to do that to me<br> you know you don't want to see me with that Tuesdays are if you are really busy living out of fear that you're absolutely transferring that fear to your young people but you're not communicating clearly so they don't know what that fear is they don't know if that stuff you or experience. Actually most of his anger and frustration and irritation they don't recognize that it's actually fear for their safety and in his actual genuine chair so they don't get that are not explicit lyrics playlist what you're saying to them instead I don't trust you you're not competent you're incapable that's what they hear the best. The message you intend to send them but it is what they<br> wow I don't see the messages I don't trust you you're incapable and it makes sense on the Explorer life experience that it had they only live 15 16 years with things and make it and sometimes our boss will say something and we don't hear so if we continue doing it this way that the companies in danger of not staying open we hear old you're attacking me you think it home. Good luck so we hear that way to tell which owns most of those to look at that and really dig deep because we hear that to that this is a personal attack against me against my abilities against my professionalism I'm not like I'm not wanted instead of hearing this action or the lack of this endangers the longevity of our company and so<br> good to ask me to make a change for the safety of the company for the longevity of the company that I love that you can get your saying that the teenager here is I don't trust you you're incapable what does that do to what they think about themselves because you are giving them who they are you staying to the end of your day today conversation you telling them who they are until these messages are given and they are misconstrued misunderstood and really most of us have never collected then a teenager is going in to do with these thoughts about themselves and these ideas about the ideas about themselves that may not be true so you know you have to learn to twist it up when we speak to the beauty of a child so when we say to a child or teenager what we're saying to them you know I like the way you did this particular<br> if you're driving with them and they do something like you doing a really good job is going down at the stop sign. It may not seem like this stuff is important but if you're giving those 50 messages a week and for you those messages are staying well you know you really not good at school you're not very good at you know track of you if you'd give me the messages that are not a positive and a lot of times being honest most negative then<br> 40 out of 50 times a week how you often that how what were where are those times where you say Hey you know this is I sent this to her she seen her but she seems to have bounced back so I'm not going to really address again I think that's the mistake I think it's important to get back and you're angry<br> the young people knowing they understand it but they also you're in you're the person who stay at the dam and and that they know and have known most of them all of their life you are and if you're staying stuff consistently that is negative of putting young people down when you are making your own life more difficult you making it harder for yourself<br> oh wow and I want to stay with this for just a little bit because I know that and I use the word guilty here parents I'm a parent to so I let myself into this category many of us are guilty of unintentionally doing what you just said here giving the message of I don't trust you you're not you're incapable and and that is because of the constant but a child was a constant nagging or the constant asking questions you know I was a question. Or why they sometimes those questions were just met with total exasperation I can't take another question while but do you think in this is popped in my head would it be beneficial to say hey I'm concerned what I see is this and what I'm concerned about is this can you help me with this isn't it it would that be beneficial what I see and what I'm concerned about<br> like formatting that way is that something that a teenage brain could say oh well this is more love and it is way too young to be so you know what if it is scary out there you know there are young people actually I remember hearing about you know sex slavery and people being abducted that is so real this is a real thing that is actually happening and stuff and then we have to I'm going to go back a little bit before your question can because I want to address this when were coming from your base a lot of that is our own personal fear is it's our stuff and we have been holding on to some child made our own childhood trauma that is getting in the way of parenting you know I own inability that we had as a teenager and so I own stage fright that wants to keep a child out of acting up hold them back from certain things<br> do we have our own fears and I think we have to decorate that stuff out we have to start saying what is my fear and isn't real you know freaked out people do rock climbing in rock climbing is dangerous but if I'm afraid of heights and can't walk five feet then I'm probably going to keep my child with their feet flat on the ground and maybe they want to be in early Noah pilot and flying airplanes or who knows what they want to do but I feel I shouldn't hold them back<br> agree 100% so we come into this world and Bs parents were parentage and that and as a result we have some fears either that we picked up along the way as children or that we sort of picked up along the way during our adulthood too I'm going to use this term cuz I use it a lot with myself to parent myself so that I could be better parents of our children<br> you know I think you know one of the things you have to do is become aware of your own stuff I remember thinking about my daughter I hit the two different instant Steve I heard she was in college and I was thinking about her and what I was thinking was that she was in my mind her when she was a little girl and hit that little ponytail that looks like a ponytail walking around the table to be about 18 months old so who she is all of the 19 or 18 19 somewhere over there and I still had the image of her infant the tiny little kid and I had a joke myself out of that because that is not what she was she I have to see her as she is and then you have to begin to think about what why am I<br> where it is it's a valid fear and if you have had some serious stuff happen it is time to get rid of it it's not good to carry you know your baggage around so whatever by whichever way you need to get yourself straight where this new Philadelphia weather through Reading self-help books or you know whatever it is it's worth the time and effort so that you won't be helped by Nature young people they want to try things they want you did. They want to go play with and if I answered no no no all the time is either going to alienate them push them away from us or if you're going to send them the fear that we have within ourselves in this they lose that they may become what we are stuck by fold held back not reaching the goal of everyone and we put that into them too<br> wow and I just want to say that we have a call on a line so I'm going to say this and get to her call her right away but I remember reading a parenting book when I was I'm carrying my daughter and she's 21 now but I remember that parenting book it said find ways to say yes as often as possible and it makes for a creative parenting Journey when you're constantly looking for ways to say yes instead of no there's a there's a thousand reasons to say no and you're looking for how can I make this a yes but I think that makes for a very creative in more fulfilling our parenting journey and for a fridge for the child as well so I'm going to pop over to our call her now<br> hello you're on the air this is everyday piece show about to drive on James and our wonderful yesterday is located Carol question for your guests and then also if your answer is yes is questions I'd like to know what we do about this so my question is do you think that we have a culture today of younger people I'm teasing particular who at least appear on the surface to be a lot more sensitive than maybe Generations from the past or is it that we as older people sort of give them that without understanding that they live in a different culture and time then we do so that's my question are we being overly critical or our young people more sensitive today than they have been in the past<br> okay so I believe from if you can't and I'm looking some the African American history in slavery there was no choices about feelings and the way you saw him being for survival you had to stuff all that anger that frustration activate that you're taking that stuff was in check you could not show it and could not express it so then those parents passed down to their children if it was survival and there is there a Children's has to be like this to your four generations down away from that and yes or they more sensitive or is the the better. Is that they are allowed to express it now that they are allowed to express it so we have a quandary here we do have older people who grew up something by still in that I know I certainly wasn't allowed to have a say you know a back and forth about anyting<br> but<br> is it bad to say speak up and if they have a safe would it be best for us to show them how to express those feelings and you're not saying it in such a way that it is acceptable you know so we can show them how to do it and one way we show them how to do it is by doing it ourselves making sure that in the conversation between ourselves and others when we're upset about something that is not just going from zero to a hundred and fifty degrees of Saint you know automatically I'm mad and I'm going to say something to you I'm going to I'm going to have to get this off my chest is it possible for us to demonstrate for them let me calm down<br> we can talk about it a little bit later and come to the tables & More, the near I don't think it's bad for your people to express dog to have questions to think I don't think that's bad I think it's good but I think how they do it is what you're probably leaving to go out no it's not okay it's not okay yeah course you have a right to be sensitive because that relates to your feelings I guess I was talking about in the way did I see some in people express it and it's like they feel like they're entitled to express it that way because you know last time that you're here is that well this is a new day this is the way it was when you were younger you know we have more freedom of expression and I think they take it that misconstrued<br> after this break<br> you're listening to Unity online radio<br> the voice of an Awakening world<br> create and build a life of your dreams welcome back to Everyday Beast with Dr drayvon James welcome back to her show we have lakita Carol with us today from parent train up and we have a wonderful guest discussion going on that we had to stop this before the break I'm I do want to say that the Kita Carol has really want you to check out her website at parent train up.com she has a new parenting ebook out there and I know as parents were always looking for additional resources so we can do what we do even better that you're doing a great job we want to do even better at this very important job and before we go on with anything else I do want to pick up with our with our conversation with our call her because we were just in it did the dialogue was good so here we are, or are you still there<br> still here so he would I was what I was saying is that I agree with with your gas it's the way you say it and I that's before we had to go to the break I was saying I think part of the way it's spoken is a sense of entitlement to be free with one speech and thoughts because you know young people are encouraged as your guests said to express themselves and I think she's absolutely right you did that right you should have that right but there is a way of going about it doesn't matter how old you are or if you are a young adult now you still have a responsibility to be respectful and I like what she said about going from one to 150 just like that and that's that's not the way to get there you know maybe you might get there because you might really be angry but it's got to be a way that you can slow that down as you start to feel that anger so I<br> I want to make that point that will constitute about entitlement and feeling entitled to be able to say what you want to say because we live in a different era of culture title it now that's that's kind of different because that is something that it is so pissed it's so under under the cover you get is under the radar and it's growing as your child grows it in we are not always catching these young people feel entitled and so when they get to a certain point list of things like you know you you can't take my phone the woman that I'm paying for like the pancakes are you know I'm supposed to drive the car if my card is the card that I'm paying for and there is that what music is that gratitude that that gratefulness that I have these opportunities<br> and I and I think that may be an underlying that parents are dealing with but don't recognize that this is a lack of Grandma's probably lack of gratitude because that's the entitlement mean is that I get to have what I want when I want just me and I'm supposed to have it and they come with that attitude to you we have to recognize it and we have to take some steps to dismantle that the entitlement so now we have two things if you said something I want to get you those three C's of conflict that we talked about but I'm over here on this how do we take out this entire land because it is I believe destroying young people you know that I heard someone say you know the older people you know we can't have because the housing cost but we came by our house because the older people<br> you know whatever it is that older people did it all of this Blaney older people. I never dreamed of blaming other people for the way the world is is it is what it is and stuff in my response to that is then you have to figure out in this environment how you going to get the things that you want that's yours that's not you know I've got the house you have to figure out the Kid come out of school and get a $500,000 home without you know you can't do it it's mathematically it doesn't usually work out that we have to be conscientious of ourselves when we giving these young people everything and nothing really is expected back from there now that's the hold your finish and I remember a young person saying to me that her mother mother gave her car for the pay for all four times you came out of Cosmo to pay for everything<br> her father had left the mothers and mothers the money a lot of money to pay for some of the things she could have paid for my birthday party in a business just was birthday wasn't it wasn't your your mother's birthday you wanted to party you and your twenties or thirties or whatever you want and it's your job to get yourself what you want you know now that sounds a little rough it sounds a little strong but you know what more should a woman do this conversation I'm sure there are a lot of parents sitting at home shopping a little bit and maybe a few tears to because entitlement is something that we don't want I just want to interject I I agree with you used to be a point in time when we look at the older generation and thank them for<br> at which is sometimes the easier life gets the heart of things have gotten a lot easier they're not easy but they've gotten a lot easier and so you can come a little softer we take things a little more for granted you know there's something to be said to for that generation who had to put a lot of effort forth to get a little bit of something. Let them see people who are homeless you know listen this and what do you think it feels like to be out there you know how do you think people get to this place I think everybody wants to be in the middle of the winter time you don't no one wants to be out of your ice and stuff so that they can become aware of that you were here but this is called Black<br> can I call you know that you required up till I have to do this for you and and dog your step as you become an adult and make sure that you have all the things that you need you know I am completely in agreement even just because you have a lot as appearance don't mean that you should not require young people wash your clothes young people do this do that they need to have responsibilities and health of your possible let's go over to quickly the three C's of conflict so that we can get all kind of hit that before we get out is that okay with you. That's wonderful work on we talked about the three C's of conflict for conflict prevention wonderful. I would love to have this talk about that now comes in and and they say something ridiculous like well if you hadn't if you hadn't had your phone on the plus my phone wouldn't be strong<br> where is your whatever whatever seems that they're doing we can start with breathing in and out because you know the first thing you want to do is just come straight you know this greed and breathe out any problem I'll probably start with just calm yourself now it's not important if you don't want to just undo everything you've ever done by cussing them out for me up some the Steelers you don't want to do that you don't let me give it to name-calling and then you want to clarify so the first step is that store ask you some questions, and the reason you're doing that you heard them Jersey, and you want them to get, what you say to me what are you talkin about when did you have your phone on when did you take off where is your your stuff at the excetera excetera just come asking questions clarify clarify because then it comes with a lot<br> energy but in actuality they may be trying to say something different it's not what you think it is and we want don't want to fly off the handle is going to hold your strength Arena because of child you know because they are over there and battery so we wanted to clarify first make sure we all arguing and fussing about the same beat you<br> is that you did you understand that. You want to get that breathing together I think the beginning with a breath with everything in life what would make so much<br> everything so much better at night thank you for that because it's how we how we approach these topics with our children especially want to see the part about you know getting in there and starting a new note responding with that robust anger or her and does everything that you did to make this journey because they only remember that last thing they will experience to this last year or two hours of arguing so give yourself that Grace at 100% I agree with that 100% the new parenting ebook and where where our listeners can get that<br> what it's all about okay so what we actually have that the deadline is a parenting assessment for team prepares Glock take his test message and then we'll recognize 3 we have the ebook spoken down to different stuff you put in your only going to be getting information on the areas that you are weaker in so you don't have to read through a whole bunch is that you just going to get the areas to chill we can reach it and if you need to build your relationship you will get we will get this email and it will have so many different types of our recommendations that strategy for you to use simple easy stuff but based on your conscience. So, he's right out there they can get there<br> so I love that so you can you fill out the survey and you fit in you only have to have to read through everything if that's not your issue you don't have to read about that you read about just the concerns that you're having you in the atlas but you were raising two that I think that's really don't because one thing we don't have a lot of Anna's parents of teenagers is a lot of times it breaks it down a little bit new Grant and in your area with a 501 c 3 is called in so we were awarded a grant to your Grant to provide counseling into the st. Louis in the st. Louis City st. Louis County area two young people from the ages of<br> 5 to 19 years of age now it's the one we just started actually this month receiving and accepting class and we feel we probably will be able to serve about some 150 150 to 200 people 200 families and so that's what we can really looking forward to doing we've already started and you can get that you can contact us to Paris train up and then is prince trying to stay by you so that you can if you want would like to have free<br> the literally you will receive a free there before your teenagers and your young people that's beautiful 5 to get 5 to the age of nineteen years of age and so looking forward to that again we can do it in a way it sounds like a lot of people that when you look at how many people are in St Louis not a drop in the bucket 150 children 212 200 that's what we're I go is 176 is to reach 170 Stanley<br> oh this is beautiful and I was was haberly believe to the early you can start with intervention the longer you have the child is better all the way around for the child for the parents going to be for the community so I think that's wonderful that the grant starts with such a young age of being able to get enrolled in the program and how long how long ago has it been going to go on a two-year. Now we can run out of money before the two-year. But literally other persons due this month they can have to use the cows in for free and counseling is expensive you know you can pay you can pay as little as $30 a month for still a hundred twenty a month $30 a week to $200 or more a week and so is it's the white range but you<br> is going to call it can cost you we don't have that at this point there is no light requirement of income in other words you have to be so desperate to you just you know if you don't have that new fortunate that we're able if you just live within the zip code and within the age limit when you're eligible for the account can be expensive and when parents have to make a decision between you keeping the lights on or you know keeping the children bed and healthy way or paying for counseling me know that oftentimes counseling goes by the wayside not that it is important but so it's great that they are society's reaching out in their grants like this available so kudos to you and your organization for doing the work to get the great to be able to provide the services I know that is a a hefty feet in it of itself<br> what I want to talk one more time the last state you have the stay calm clarify and then we want to be consistent you know and be consistent and when I say that we don't want to watch Let It Go everything that happened something happen last when you're putting into this so I can make something happen for years ago and still in this or we're not doing that we just going to stick and be consistently talking about the issue at hand just a simple issue and I do know for five different thing so you know that I'm the one issue and if you can't come to resolution you know a revolution you know back in the day of all the time back and drag well maybe not cuz I'm sure people are still doing it it was only a parents like them is mine with me or the highway that was the only way it was going to betray she's going to come out before that you have to be right<br> we can stay well let's take a look at it and let's see what's the best answer for this family you know that's not just my way but these young people have ideas and information that is important<br> oh and I think that's so important to the taking that pressure off the parents because and I too was was raised that you know it's traditional home you know it was my mom's way or the highway and so but times have changed a lot a lot of it has to do with you to the evolution of mankind with computers or social media was that all this going on now but I do agree that having this mindset with will we are coming and I want to hear from you it does take a lot of pressure on her parents because my goodness it is really challenging to do all that we do as far as providing for the home and the children and keeping up with everything that's going on social media has made the world so I'm moving at such an incredible Pace who is to believe that we have all of the information or even most of the information about anyting<br> night night<br> and I think Shoe Doctor Dave and if we stay where we lifted this pandemic and so many people have passed on and now you know even young people are getting this covid and stuff and getting very sick. I'm passing on as well it's never know if ever there was a time in life and we begin to recognize there today they be the last until we going to handle this day with some joy and peace. I know this joy and peace bring it into our daily lives so that when we approach our children you know we won't have to struggle to take that deep breath it will come naturally if on a daily basis we make it our primary goal to get to interact with our young people from a place that he's going to pay the car from a place of openness in love then we I mean that's like 95 is still good job Tommy.<br> it Harkens back to your very point from the very beginning seeing the beauty in our teenagers and you know it what you're saying right now is something that I try to practice even today with two children in college is to always look at this whatever this is you know that you have young people who like you have it's always something going on right now and try to look at it in the fact that I'd rather be in the middle of the situation with you as unpleasant as the situation is the not have you like that that kind of calm down I remember when I was in college I say this really quickly because I'm sure this is way back in the in the eighties but there was a joke that was going around where somebody wrote a letter to their parent and they said all this horrible things you know it I wrecked the car<br> all these horrible things have happened to me right and so his parents are just a gas I can't believe all this happened at the end of the story it says I'm failing biology is it when you get to the end of all of these horrible things that the teenager has told just happened to that was true it's going to let you know that I'm feeling biology you like oh you're feeling biology is that it okay that we can work on right but back to your huge problem is it really so it's a problem I love you you love me I trust you you trust me to figure this out I like that yes yes is it that big of a crime I mean really I can't I mean so many parents you're fixated on<br> the bed is not made in the morning it's like I just can't for a migraine I couldn't really get there with you but that's just such a major problem and I think everybody does at the office just write a list of all the trailer things that can happen and then at the bottom he didn't make her dead<br> right that's something we start off with each other you mentioned about the fear and I will tell you that a lot of that I think is not even related to the bed it's no I'm not as a mom I guess I said I'm not that far out the word that to college students and I would think to myself well if you don't show discipline in the small things<br> you know where we're seeing you at 40 and saying you know you're but really to come back to this present moment and see this amazing kid that's doing so many amazing things and this one time you think I get it together what they really need is to know and I love this that you said I hope all of our Lives just take walk away with this is that when we're doing all that bickering and nagging with a child he is is I don't trust you<br> you're inconsistent incapable I don't trust you and we don't want to give that message to her out to our young people will be going out to the world we don't want them to feel have this self-image to say I'm untrustworthy and I am incapable of them that you are disciplined how to let go back to that we were being consistent and that means that when you set up a consequence of something stick to it if you have a rule stick to what we teach we teach consistency by being consistent with the rules don't have slide and gold new rules that that benefit you. My parents are now that I'm going to put a new rule in place so that because it benefits me and prevents me from feeling fear you know that kind of stuff you know the child is going to text you cuz now they start sticking out where is where are the boundary but if it puts them in place and keep them<br> and be very consistent with the valdi then they learn they learn how to be consistent and they know how to be discipline you know you know they clean clean clean it's all those chores and stuff and that's going to teach them to be you know can discipline but it's also in how were your parents with them you know if if if a few is at 12 in the evening at night time over there and grab whatever it is you must be consistent about it and it's not go overboard and and real good you can always go to Champion outside after 7:00 at night you know really really fair about it and be consistent and we teach them discipline by holding those moves or costumes or whatever hold it in place with kindness is love and with generosity and we just keep things and play<br> instead of moving all around because you're not learning how to follow rules and guidelines of Pikachu and stay focused on what needs to be done and when it needs and getting it. I could have you on this show every week and we still would have to talk about more because our children are our most valuable asset for the future not for just us individual parents to we're blessed to have him in our lives before for the world indeed and the job that we do as parents it's so very important I want to thank you for the work that you do please give us your website again how our parents and grandparents aunties and uncles can visit your site<br> okay you only need two<br> go to pass trainer.com we have a black there that have information on Karen TV also have the parenting assessment can we have the ebooks they're due to come we do have some videos called pump appearance and when the process of putting those videos together to prepare for to Parenting in action at therapy. Who are getting therapy for the children and the thing is resolved there and then we also have in the world are parenting assessment for children in Paris and also we're busy working and I thank you so very much James I want to remind you of the three C's he went over again for the vending conflict with our teenagers their calm Clarity and consistent that leaves us in for a free masterclass<br> the master and confrontation this Thursday you can check that out by either going to my website and getting registered for this rematch with master class or visiting everyday piece on Facebook and registering from mastering confrontation thank you for being here with us I absolutely love you thank you for being everyday Peacemaker we'll talk next week<br> you've been listening to Everyday cheats for dr. Avon James you have the power right now today to make the decisions to take the actions that lead you to your next level of greatness and I would love to walk with you on your journey here some ways we can connect schedule a coaching session contact me again so let dr. Dre Bond James. Calm enrolling my online university course to 2020 Clarity court at The Institute for leadership and lifelong learning International enroll in the brilliant life nine weeks online coaching session with me and Keisha Dixon info at the actor Trevon James. Calm purchase my book Freedom is your first break from Amazon thank you for being and every day Peacemaker I absolutely love you<br> thank you for listening this is Unity online radio the voice of an Awakening world<br> Unity started more than a century ago as a publishing house and it's still producing some of the finest books and spiritual products anywhere here's good news this holiday season everything in the unity online store is 15% off you'll find the latest books journals and card decks along with an El Famous intention Dice and a new pet puzzle this year send unique gifts to all your spiritual friend visit unity.org gift guide<br>