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Every Day Peace with Dr Dravon James, 30/11/2021

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Every Day Peace with Dr Dravon James
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A Dress the Color of the Moon with Jennifer Irwin, and Wrong Lanes Have Right Turns with Michael Phillips

Every Day Peace with Dr Dravon James

A Dress the Color of the Moon with Jennifer Irwin, and Wrong Lanes Have Right Turns with Michael Phillips

Famed author Jennifer Irwin joins the show to share the inspiration and insight behind her newest novel. Michael Phillips discusses the significance of understanding and avoiding the school-to-prison pipeline.

Every Day Peace with Dr Dravon James

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In today’s busy world it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and disconnected. Dr Dravon James helps to inspire, empower, and educate people to live the life of their dreams. Focusing on health, wealth, and relationships, Dr. James offers strategies that work for everyday life.

Show Transcript (automatic text 90% accurate)

you know the familiar Christmas story but did you know every person or place in the story represent the part of you we all have the inner purity of Mary the rampant ego of King Herod and the wisdom of the Magi Mary and Joseph journey is our journey to discover the Christ born in us read this fascinating interpretation of the Christmas story in the trip to Bethlehem by hypatia Hasbrouck visit Unity bookzz.org trip to Bethlehem<br> experience the difference<br> Unity online radio<br> the voice of an Awakening world<br> Empower yourself and get inspired to build the life of your dreams<br> welcome to Everyday peas with dr. dravon James<br> hello and welcome to our show on Doctor Dre Bond James and this is everyday piece I am super excited to be here with you today as we explore the concept of living a life of Peace everyday peace defined as wholeness completeness nothing missing nothing broken totality oh my goodness today is one of those days for me buddy just hearing this definition that we use for everyday piece just knowing that we are gathered here is everyday peacemakers has got me so grateful so excited for this amazing show that we're going to have for you today and I want you to know that whatever is going on in your life today whether you feel like you're on top of the mountain and everything is going your way or what do you feel like the mountain is on top of you and your Wonder like why you got busy this morning it doesn't matter either position same blessings right so.<br> to see the world from this perspective it's pieces wholeness completeness nothing missing nothing broken totality everything that shows up The Good the Bad and the in-between no matter what it feels like it's all showing up for one reason and that's the bow down and serve you so you can carve out make the journey to your next level of greatness so I want you to know that yes everyday peace is possible yes you deserve every day peace and yes you can have every day peace we work together on this show to bring you the topics in the guest Department with you as you create your life of Peace everyday if you miss last week's interviews last week's shows well you missed two amazing stuff you missed a Mary Joy who talked about her book overcoming codependency with a holistic approach reinvent yourself in the in a<br> positive powerful way it would she gave tips we got a great working definition really good definition what codependency is how you can recognize it in yourself so you can change this Behavior so if that's something that you're dealing with a lot of us are I highly encourage you to go back listen to the show we also had the awesome Lenox Woods Mullins in Linda's as you know she better show with that several times before she is all things about self care and how to make that transition as a woman to the next season of your life with Grace and vitality and she gave I couldn't begin to recap all the tips that she gave for increasing your energy increase in your libido increase in Europe. I'm putting your penis to be what you want to be everything so check out the show at you can access last week's show in our entire library of shows by subscribing to<br> the doctor Trevon James everyday piece podcast on Apple Spotify Google Play and Stitcher where you can listen to them right here on the unity online radio. Org website another great place to access everyday piece content is on our website which is dr. Dre Von james.com the website is new and improved of you visit a while ago please revisit again you'll be amazed what's there it has some amazing free gifts this particular free gift I really want you guys to go on and pick up hits tips to improve self-esteem and self-confidence who couldn't use that we all put our absolutely free free gift at Doctor drayvon james.com that's the website you're going to find him courage words of wisdom excerpts from my book Freedom is your Birthright all kinds of wonderful free stuff you get to know what's going on in the in the world of everyday peacemakers so check that out<br> and Market go there frequently I think you'll be surprised and find that it off mix your journey in life so I want to spend just a quick moment cuz we got some great guests today guys just a quick moment with our everyday peace moment and I have a question for you<br> are you<br> allowing someone else or something else to determine your happiness let me repeat that question are you allowing someone else or something else to determine your happiness how happy you are are you putting that in the hands of another person or another situation quite frequently we do that someone leaves our life or unhappy the job doesn't do what we thought it would do we are unhappy and that's understandable because sometimes that there was a slow that I used to hear as a child that happiness deals with what is happening but I would encourage you I would encourage you to dig deep beyond happy to find Joy so that you will know that as you become more self-aware you understand that life is a cycle and that just because things don't seem to be on the path that you would like them to be on it some particular journey in your life does not mean that<br> in the middle of that that isn't there isn't something that's happening that is so beautiful that it that things stopped happening you'll change how you feel about everything so find something to be grateful for in the middle of every situation and then you will truly connect to happy or Joy even better than happy so that's their everyday peace moment with that being said we're going to head to our first guest today and our first guest today is none other than Michael Phillips he is an author he is an inspirational speaker he joins the everyday piece podcast to discuss his book wrong Lanes have a right turns and the significance of the understanding and avoiding the school-to-prison pipeline what a great topic welcome to the show Michael we're happy to have you<br> thank you so much for having me on it supposed to be here Jump Right In the Beginning because I know you have so much to share with us you are on this journey you know your your business owner your inspirational speaker but you had some start to your life that gives you a passion for being able to give at this level tell us a little bit about that<br> I absolutely you know I was one that made a wrong turn in my life that's almost cost me spending the majority of my life in prison when I was in my teens lost a scholarship to college I was in a terrible car accident that kind of derailed my future as an athlete and since that was the only way I thought I can have a passport to the where was the sports I decided to come back home and and take up some friend suggestion of selling drugs and it almost cost me my life I was arrested and facing 30 years in prison but Providence would have it so that I was offered an opportunity to go to school rather than the prison and that decision of a judge totally taste exactly of my life<br> wow that is truly having my mom would say is the hand of God on your shoulder right so I can only imagine how a fearful you must have been at that point in time it's the first time I've heard that story something similar to that and I've known people who had that opportunity with the judges have said hey you can go to the military you can go to prison you know you go to college and you can go to prison and I'm always in all of the people who say you know what I'm going to take this opportunity to turn my life around but then there are those other ones who just for whatever reason they think they'll take their chances you know back on the streets and involved in the activity so I know it's either way is not an easy decision to make but I'm so happy that you made this decision you've decided to give back to tell us tell us about the book and what led<br> do to write the book and some things that you're into at this point in your life where you where your charitable giving her as taking you and with effort and time that any person can make a difference in this world and the title of the book comes from me being a very hectic and like literally at it as an expecting an intersection on 95 South I was running from federal Offices on my way to Florida and my mother got me on that back on an XLT weigh right convince me but she suggested that I should come home and turn myself in it and she told me that whatever we were I was going through with him to go to together<br> so I got my car I'm headed down 95 south and I decide that you know what I'm going to I'm going to fuck that I'm going to turn myself in. Knowing what the outcome would be. But I was in the wrong way at this very busy intersection but I needed to make a right turn and it was that moment in my life that I discovered that wrong Lanes have right turns out we're at a juncture of a great turning in our society and our culture that is going to require us to shift our mindsets from what I call a culture of punishment to culture possibility and to do that we're going to have to first recognize that we might be in the wrong way okay that doesn't mean that you can't make a right turn that doesn't mean that you can't turn around but it might mean you're going in the wrong direction<br> and so this book is my story against the backdrop of the need for some systemic changes that we need really might have in our society if we're going to make the right turn<br> I like that and you use that word whenever I hear the word systemic changes there I have to two parts of my I guess my mind and my heart open up because I know that in my heart my heart knows that anything is possible but when I hear systemic change I hear as I see the slow grinding wheels and what are some of the things that you think that need to change the stomach lie for us to have this this culture of possibility or practice practice restoration your program is all about peace all about homeless nothing being missing nothing being broken nothing lacking and after Society we track is retribution more than we practice right restoration<br> if we can come to a place a practicing restoration so for example in our schools if we can Implement restorative practices when there is an issue in the community but there is an issue in the school rather than having a child spend time out of school or put them In Harm's Way of a school officer which directly connects them to the criminal justice system at early ages in a garden that we're doing this that is a culture of punishment that's all about retribution and so when we cry for justice in our society will were really crying for is Revenge for crying for rest for Retribution rather than restoration My Hope Is that this book will help us from a size of that standpoint but most of all as individuals in braids the ID in the concept of restoration if you have wronged so<br> one if someone has wronged you if you made the wrong decision is in chosen your bias over over something better all of those things how we have had this Human Experience we we must come to a place where we are really considering restoration more than we are considering retribution go there so much there you know in the restoration of of someone cuz you're right we're looking for for punishment and revenge right and so we get what we get if we don't get a healed individual who's ready to interact as someone who has been redeemed or forgiven we end up with the individual who feels she has all the actors all the emotions of the of a wounded individual when did individual what I think of<br> this is with all love but what I think of is that you know if you have a an animal that has been abandoned you know and they've been treated poorly and a Castaway there are hard to integrate back into the family because they're so fearful that they come back fighting right now even trying to fight those that are trying to to nurture it and so the idea that we have this investigation means you do people still use the way and they don't feel open and at their best when they're coming to be a part of something that's growing they feel more destructive instead of created a tire that's so let's so I think right on right on point in Target that we do need this this type of restoration and how we would start out we have these conversations right now where do we start you mention kindergarten but it can you do a lot with them you do a lot with education so where do you think we start you know how how do we start this<br> the Willy has to start it before child enters into a school it really needs to become part of our culture so I want to say we need to start and I'll culture right because everything is going to flow from there and so it seems as though and I'll culture we have decided what to do without paying we transmitted rather than transforming it so if you don't the pain that you don't transform you will inevitably transmit and we've decided to transmit a pain from generation to the next if we know something's not working and it's and it's harming us generationally then why do we continue to do it why do we why do we continue to do if we know that there's disparity in an equity in our education system which it really is the breeding ground for so many sister<br> and we know what works and we know how to solve it but call truly are we don't we don't do much about it and we don't embrace it because we're still very much in dividual this together to take care of me imma take your minds that sort of thing and and what what is required though if you're going to live up to the promise of education is that collectively that idea is that we pull our resources together as a community and educate our children<br> right and we do this not so that we can have individuals to go into some industrialized system back when you guys get this is was created we need to do this can become the people that we were created to be to give the Hajj contribution to society and it's an investment that we should make otherwise what we will do if we will continue to transmit our pain from one generation to the next and the same premises that I decided as a parent that my son was not going to inherit my trauma he was not going to inherit my pain hunting hurt my wisdom of all of those experiences and that led him to have the opportunity to go to Harvard and graduated top of his class and get the commitment of dresses 2020<br> thank you very much if that's possible for me and my children than that's possible followers<br> it takes a lot of intention right and I think what I hear you saying that you know and then I guess this means me driving to this question to you know when you had that what were they all have moments I guess what were the AHA moments along your your your destiny your path with your journey that led you to say yeah I'm making it I'm making a change I'm making a change because I really want our listeners to get this part is that it is not even what you did was not easy but everyday you have to recommit to that decision I'm sure that had to be difficult so what were the things that along that path allows you to do that<br> yeah that's an excellent question you know I want to see it this way honored by emotions instead of swallow Lane in my way that I felt that on it one story and I understood that I can change the way my story ends and so instead of scapegoating instead of blaming anybody that I felt about it all and I also found spaces and places that were safe to be able to communicate that hurt because I'm a firm believer that her cannot be killed until it would hurt you have to give a voice to your pain and so some of my aha moments was understanding that I had the power to determine how my story ended<br> that I could continue to make decisions though challenging those difficult do hard do I have to recalibrate a lot though I had to give up a lot of my preference so that I can really Embrace purpose it was worth it all and so my son to my first IHOP on it was when my son was born and I held him in my arms I'm never forget it and I said to myself I can't actually say what I said on on the radio I got to get my stuff together<br> because it was all about him at that point it was all about him and overtime as I evolved he got to see me go to school we got to see me get my degrees and it in and he got to see me read and all that stuff than in the bombs that were created for how do you realize okay my story is not just about that<br> it's about him<br> about what I'm leaving behind and it's about ultimately what I do when I choose to become not what I did but but who I am and what I choose to become<br> oh my goodness so you've said a few things with your so<br> what is you're saying them they sound like oh my goodness who doesn't know this but who doesn't live this because it's not in the Forefront of our minds wrapped our story is bigger our journey is how I say it but I love how you said our story is bigger than ourselves right it's beyond me but you know this journey that work that we're having its we get to live this journey and that's beautiful but it's so much bigger than that right you can see that in your son and say okay you know this is you that's living and doing the day today but it's bigger than the day today and they have your posts on the now while preparing and dropping seed for the future is incredible and to be aware of that while you're doing it in the midst of all that life is throwing at you right cuz you still got to be in there doing the day-to-day stuff and sometimes that's what we lose sight of the real thing but that is so true that this whatever you're going through whatever we're trying to build is bigger than us is beyond us and if we don't do it<br> why we believe a lot of table table relief a lot undone yes sir thank you for your courage and then this is something that what I listen to that you said was really good and hurt must be heard in order to be healed<br> yeah a lot of men I think<br> is really find some comfort in that because a lot of times I find that men suffer silently maybe it's that you know suck it up buttercup sort of kind of masculine energy that says you know what I can take this on the chin I don't have to discuss it I don't have to let it out but I have to be in order to be healed even if you're the person whose hearing it and that's it but it's got you've got to have an outlet to express that so that you can let it out like that that's up to you. Absolutely one of the biggest things I have to overcome was to lose a loyalty to my mistakes and actually learn how to ask for help you know my father died when I was 12 so that take it on the chin suck it up sort of thing I G of obviously as a man I gravitated to but<br> when you don't have your father you do not know how to ask her out<br> cuz there's no one to ask<br> rental for men who would who are struggling with trying to give their pain the voice to find a safe place to have that conversation about what they're dealing with some of them never had a father to be able to have that conversation even if your father was alive or a present in your lies or maybe just a strange relationship whatever it might be but or some distance in a relationship but mostly most men don't know how to ask for help<br> the nest of real substratum of the difficulty of getting killed is that you're going to have to be humbled her to say wow wow the book tells the title of the book again and where we wear our listeners can get this booked at if they have to have it so you can pre-order the day it releases January 25th and I'm very very excited about a male voice coming forth and we and we know it's okay to express we we know that but I think it is so powerful to hear a man speak on it and say hey you know what has to be heard in order to be healed and we're in this together really quickly you did a TED Talk<br> yes how about a minute left us about that tedtalk experience for the broken chairs and very quickly with Ted Talk was around a young man that I met on the name of counting when I first started touring schools learning know what are some of the best practices what is a little birds practices what a great schools look like 10 fastest look like a man was standing in the corner of a classroom third-grader just looking aimlessly through out a window that was covered in gas station in bars and some chicken wings bright and tells me is named the tumbling class that he's in it<br> he said because my chair is broken<br> and it's Gerald has adjustable legs got down on the floor and and actually took one of those legs out that was stuck in that it balanced and the reason why you said that was because he said when he sits in his chair he falls when he falls to get to develop<br> yes check out this book check out Michael Phillips you won't be disappointed<br> discover The Power Within<br> Unity online radio<br> the voice of an Awakening world<br> create and build a life of your dreams welcome back to Everyday Beast with dr. dravon James<br> welcome back on Doctor Dre Bond James and this is everyday piece boy do we have a great show today to that now bring up to the stage I want to say that Jennifer Erwin who's up here to talk about her new book but I got to tell you about the first book cuz the new book is a sequel her first book was the was a debut novel novel a dress the color of the sky was published in 2017 and has received rave reviews 17 book awards and was option for a feature film Jennifer short stories have appeared in numerous Leary Publications including California's emerging writers and anthology of fiction and her new book which is incredible address the color of the moon has been released I guess about 30 days ago she and I were talking before the show came on and I can't wait to tell you about this book I want<br> the title again because I love it a dress the color of the Moon Jennifer Irwin welcome to the show thank you so much for having me and I'm grateful to be a guest on your show 0a I'm grateful to have you here I first want to talk to you about these amazing titles address the color of the sky address the color of the Moon we're what were you thinking how I mean right there I got to tell you you had my attention you know you had me hello this come from so it basically came from the fairy tale donkey skin which is my books or the promise of the bucket is moving forward from a traumatic childhood traumatic experiences and finding self love and healing and the fairy tale donkey skin is really about a princess who's trying to escape<br> the fact that her father wants to marry her and it's obviously with you now it is we call it in Fast and sexual assault and abuse but this is a fairy tale from a long time ago from I believe it is but even the 1600s is a very old Fairy Tail and I felt like it really aligned with the messages that went with the first block and and how this protagonist is trying to escape her stepfather and and what what happened in her life as a child and kind of move forward and so I I have Incorporated part of the fairy tale into the box and both the first and second you can see how I came up with the title on that there wasn't be a third one it would be addressed the color of the sun because that would stop the third giraffe that in the fair<br> tell that the princess is sparing them tells her to make a dress the color of the sky and her father or father won't be able to do that and then she'll be free and then it's the dress the color of the moon is the color of the sun. That's right, thank you for that because I love the tile I really love the title I think it fits so much as to what would you say the general what do you want your readers to walk away with when they read this book<br> I really hope for one thing that people will understand the addiction and recovery process and what a little more about addiction and what recovery looks like the story from the layman's terms that I did a lot of research on the Block and I created a therapeutic environment of inpatient treatment facility where Prudence checks and and there's the cast of characters there and they'll learn about what is that look like and what is an Inpatient Rehab Facility look like and what do people going through and on a day-to-day basis there and maybe have less fear over that whole Mystique of of what that looks like in at the same time I hope that<br> my books would provide some Solace to people who have endured childhood trauma and sexual assault and that it is possible to move forward and find love and heal and have a healthy relationship and we can't necessarily close the door on our past but we can accept it and understand what happened and not have it ruin our future relationships and the way we feel about our self<br> oh that's so good because I'm so often quite often in fact these type of traumas do have long-lasting impact and they do the one to ruin that only the the victims of life but those that come in contact with him and her you know that relationship choices and Nino not being able to to grow beyond that pays that the place of a salt the age of a salt so that I can really really good Freedom has endured a traumatic childhood and she she genuinely does want to be better but addiction is a tricky thing and it's a sneaky thing and it definitely is a difficult<br> difficult obstacles in life to overcome when when you have it and so her addiction is socks and a lot of that is down to the experiences of her childhood from disassociate in her body and her spirit basically and she goes into treatment she's kind of close to Hayes and she has sexualized stopped quite a bit and therefore sexualizes everyone in her life but as book one of Al's you start to see her mature and grow and and not have so many sexual thoughts and sell insects like people so much but at the same time heal from what happened to her in her childhood she's off the great empathetic to others and caring for others and so you root for her not something also finding out how the strength of her stare at how she enjoyed her childhood and for every dark character in the book the start of a Glenda the Good with somebody<br> open clearance along the way and someone providing a little bit of light for her cuz I do believe there are so many good people in the world and I wanted to create some positive characters as well that said that the good people that help that help that the ones they're struggling and then booked look too I really address what does it look like when you have the box of tools that you've gone through recovery and they put you on to the real world and a lot of people don't choose to do after care even though I think they should and I'm not a specialist in my expert in addiction or anything like that because clarify but I am the child of the drug addict and I did have a long-term marriage with with an alcoholic so I figured there was a connection there in some way that I was kind of time that but I had<br> believe that I could help someone who has an addiction problem which is not the case you can't people who are added need to hit rock bottom and helped themselves and anti-western Pandora and 1/2 to 3 hours. And that's how I started digging into my childhood and what happened to me and why did I marry an alcoholic and how did my being a child and a drug addict attacked me affect my choices of where I want to share my life with I'm so basically we see some people making button in a dress color of the Moon and some people don't make it and it's very clear why that is and when you leave the book but I don't write in a way that's difficult to understand or very technical about addiction I buy Rite store at my books are very character-driven so you get to know these people and what their back door and who are they and how they interact with people and how they think and<br> and what their struggles are so that's just the way that I like to tell story<br> I think yeah because they were real you can you can easily insert yourself into their lies and I like this bit about Prudence with you said she's in pathetic but then you go on and say you know you sort of have a trace of codependency because I think if that's such a Yeezy place for impacts to end up is in the co-dependency right and a lot of times I do see something that it's traumatic from the childhood that maybe they've used codependents in traits unbeknownst to them self to to cope with in to overcome and then they end up you know in this full-blown codependent like Behavior so I think that's important to note that I'm through this is very empathetic but that Deputy could be also the dark side of that could be this codependency interact and also yeah and I think the other part of croutons is the self-hatred that she has very often<br> do something I learned through my own therapy and also writing this book is when someone has been raped or molested sexually assaulted they have something called his victim mentality and the chances of being raped again are very very high because of this victim mentality and really important to me she said that and not believe and think of yourself as a victim and I go through a lot of that in the book and how does prudence Chad the victim mentality but also not not believe that she deserved what happened to her so that she can love herself again because the self-hatred really prevent people from having healthy relationships not to put themselves but with others until you love yourself you cannot have a truly healthy relationship with someone else I'm going to carry a lot of baggage with us from our childhood and triggers<br> and from past relationships and this really gets with knowledge to understand these things so they don't bring poison to our present life and our relationship not just lovers do with friends and family as well and quite often they do quite often they do we don't get to this place of self-discovery and self-acceptance it being able to look at ourselves and still accept ourselves for everything and not take me feel sometimes you get to the space we as humans that if it happened to me it is because of me instead of realizing that individual who was doing whatever he or she is doing is also having their own journey and they are putting that anger that frustration that uncertainty that low self-esteem low self-worth they're attempting to put it on their victim as a way of offloading it and we do know that doesn't work it just creates two.<br> unhappy maladjusted individuals if we're not careful so I love prudence's journey I think it's very brave of you to to tackle the sex with sex addiction what Ledgewood let you to do a nice of you to do that or so I I I pop Pilates for many many years I really got to know Bryce of different types of women and when Fifty Shades of Grey came out of his really fascinated by how that sparked a lot of sexuality and and women again and marriages and relationships and I've never been unbelievable and I I personally didn't like those but I couldn't finish the box but<br> it was had an impact on on so many people that read it and at the same time a lot of men were coming out of sex addict and so I thought I'd just create this character who is a flood female protagonist who's totally behaved and what the way I wrote my first book Is I went back and forth in time so that I created a sense of empathy from the reader of what this character have endured and how did she end up the way she is and then in the second book I go back and forth and time from present day that the characters are out of rehab and I go back into rehab and share how how their lives have been told him what happened to each of those characters and also what happens in rehab and how close they they became I just it's really like a. It's like dog years<br> when people are in rehab they get really close because they are really sharing very the depths of their souls for over five weeks. So like a one-week equal 7 years have thing if that's the way that I think about it but I just wanted to do something with addiction but at the same time I I wasn't sure I really wanted to go through have Prince get drug addict or an alcoholic I just I wanted to have her do see something that was unusual like like sex addiction and when men have a lot of package has one. There but when a woman does have a different perspective in society and also I like getting into a woman's head and having people understand how women think how hard we are in ourselves how women actually are sexual it's just we have different ways of expressing a different ways of thinking about sex but it doesn't mean that we're not sexual<br> is it a lot of messages and things I wanted to address I love to do that through my writing and in a way that that makes a little more palpable just follow saying it<br> yeah and I love the fact that you decided to tackle a different type of addiction because it really does open one's eyes up to addiction is addiction right and there are all sorts of different things to be addicted to but the psychic when you look the mind and look in the control is still there and in the desire to control but that being out of control is still there I wonder how many people you may have come across read the book and say active they identify with prudence and they have too many messages email direct messages even in reviews were people were shocked that they Associated and saw common ground with Prudence but she's a sex addict how do they how could that happen but Prince is the Girl Next Door she is just like everyone else you know any other thing<br> that I saw a lot in my when I was teaching Pilates was that when women get divorced they go through a little bit of a wild phase and they kind of reignite their sexuality and how to get back in touch with it and that kind of made me think about how I'm going to do something with us I want to make and Prudence is going through a divorce in the Box 08 you know there were just so many things there that I thought I can I feel like I can make this work and<br> yeah so that's kind of how I came up with all that and<br> I've been really amazed at how the book has touched people who have been sexually assaulted and I've had endured childhood trauma the most messages and so many men as well that either Darren's at themselves or saw their mom going through views or their moms and shared with them let me just an incredible amount of leaders reaching out to me saying how much to book at touch them in your research did you find that the impact of childhood sexual trauma played out differently or was it pretty much the same for men and women or is there any difference between how it plays out for me I think the damage that it does is very similar I don't I don't know exactly how it would affect the mail<br> in their relationship and how they look at love or they see themselves men times and not berate themselves as much as women women are very hard on themselves their self talk and be extremely negative I'm extremely degrading and I think very often and I hope my book, people think about how they talk to themselves and the voices in their head that seeing as how the bad things themselves with sometimes we treat ourselves worse than we are the last time the treat out but I stopped to get across and I don't really know the answer to whether houses, sex a man difference different than a woman I just know how it affected me and how it affected my my relationship and my self-esteem and the process that I went through to rebuild my self-esteem and also accept what happened<br> me and not have it ruin my future my future relationship I love that I love the fact that you taking this conversation to talk about self talk because so often I work with clients in my cozy business and I know that self-talk is happening all of the time but we couldn't stop it if we wanted to but you find it so many people don't even realize what they're saying to themselves right that they have there all day long crucifying themselves and putting themselves down and like you said someone else talk to you like that it be over in a bit. Like nope and I I really I get in pretty deep on that with the with the first book and the more true growth as a character in book two she has all the tools<br> she's starting to learn to trust yourself to listen to her got to believe her gut tells her what the right thing to do is you know she is she is still not completely sure all the information that she received there were the five weeks and we have is like a slow draft into her brain and it it starts to take effect slowly as it's not like you just walk out here like I'm cured when you walk out of rehab you hear it takes time and you have to work the program you have to work go to meetings and follow the steps and continue doing all the personal work and it's the same thing when you've been the last day or when you've been sexually assaulted it didn't you can't it doesn't just go away but it's a constantly do personal check in then and how am I feeling am I using those negative voices again the ones that I used to use before I realized that wasn't a good thing so<br> there's a lot of things there that I wanted to to touch on and share it really about myself and also what I learned about women from teaching Pilates my experiences with interacting one-on-one with so many different kinds of women that I don't know I put the character together for the hodgepodge of a lot of different people that I know though<br> yeah it is and I love the fact that you learned so much about women teaching Pilates it's like it's like going to the hairdresser right we are we are just start talking about what's up sticks in in in this learning about women and you mentioned a little earlier about you do women have this healthy sex drive it just it just initiated differently than what men do what what is that what the hell did you find this a commonality between vitamin<br> you know I think it's really interesting that a woman first. I think it's really important to know what your love language is and what what gives you a sense of feeling good and relationship and whether your partner doing the dishes or asking you if they can stop at the store on the way home from work and pick something up for letting you sleep in and bring you a coffee bring you flowers and whatever it is know what your love language is an Express Express what your needs are to your partner I also think women and they fake orgasms a lot and they don't feel comfortable sharing what they need to have an orgasm and once you start taking it it's really hard to get out of that it's really hard to get off.<br> Stop Cycle so I always encourage women to try and communicate I know that men's egos are very much associated with their performance in bed or whatever but women should be happy too and they should be able to feel fulfilled sexually and it's okay to ask where you wanted to talk about what you want and I don't think it's going to be damaging to someone's ego if you do it in the right way and explore your own sexuality and understand what your body like and I think all that's really important but again I'm not a sex therapist I just I've done a lot of women done a lot of research and I also want to ask pay a meeting having sex addiction meetings with a lot of different<br> AA meetings to learn about the whole program so I can see a more realistic in the story so I'm a lot one involved was involved again. We're in this to book the worth of where they are but at the same time I'm like I said I'm also it's how the drug addict I'm sure a hundred percent sure my job is a sex act as well so there's a lot of things you have for my own experiences and just like Frances of that I get all this together but I think that women just need to learn to say what they want and also know what you like know what makes you makes you feel good and don't be afraid to ask for it<br> it sounds so easy but I mean I know that women who have been socialized to you know you even see it now you didn't think you would see it in current time right but if they say the hey this is what I want nothing. Not just sexually but I think Justin lie about their this is what I want be like oh my God she's pushy she's right she's aggressive right so I think that is something that. That's the stereotype that we really have to sort of push against and say irregardless to Howard you know you may feel about me expressing what I want this is me and it and it just be ready to own to own that part of our self but I'm wondering where you got the creek is a book is you know and I know this is equal sign a nearby to go back and read the first one first don't do it the way I have done it<br> don't have to read the first book is this Dad alone so I tried and I tried and you can read it just as a standalone hopefully you weren't lost and you know it is a great book but now you know why I want to go back and read the first of which is a dress the color of the sky and the new book is the address to call of the of the Moon the second one first out Jennifer's absolutely right as they stand alone but you will be captivated from page one it is like the staying up too late to read the book<br> I got a lot of those messages that I didn't get any sleep thanks to you really quickly where can we get this book address the color of the Moon and you can you can purchase it on Amazon and Barnes and Noble and or your favorite book seller you can special order at any book shop near you I absolutely love you<br> you've been listening to Everyday peaks with Doctor crazy Bond James you have the power right now today to make the decisions to take the actions that leave you to your next level of greatness and I would love to hear some ways we can connect schedule a coaching session contact me again so let dr. Dre Ron James. Calm enroll in my online university course to 2020 Clarity court at The Institute for leadership and lifelong learning International enroll in the brilliant life nine weeks online coaching session with me and Keisha Dixon info at the actor played Bond James. Calm purchase my book feed him is your first break from Amazon thank you for being and every day Peacemaker I absolutely love you<br> thank you for listening to Unity online radio<br> the voice of an Awakening world<br> you know this Amelia Christmas story but did you know every person or place in the story represents a part of you we all have the inner purity of Mary the rampant ego of King Herod and the wisdom of the Magi Mary and Joseph journey is our journey to discover the Christ born in us read this fascinating interpretation of the Christmas story in the trip to Bethlehem by hypatia Hasbrouck visit Unity bookzz.org trip to Bethlehem<br>