feeling lost and alone looking for validation from your partner only to find the feeling of rejection and continued frustration your together yet so far apart now your frustration is turned into disdain and resentment your insecurities have begun to affect every aspect of your life ironically you have now become the cold and detached one shielding yourself from the uncertainties of your relationships dr. April Brown has created bringing intimacy bag a series of discussions that are designed to help you reclaim what you have lost along the way dr. April will help you ReDiscover and reconnect to the intimate relationship your heart so desires go to ww.w. Bringing intimacy back.com to say and let the healing begin
welcome to the bring intimacy back show where intimacy is real on this show we ain't that help you increase the connection between your higher power your loved ones you showed me a family we give you the secret powers intimacy to create a life you love or love the life you create well guys today is a special day and on until today I wanted to talk about something that many of you guys may be struggling with with the pandemic and then also with having all your kids home and your family and it's women who like how can we do it all to me do it all so I thought I was thinking about this topic I was like who do I know who can beat you with doing it all and I came up with the perfect person to introduce you guys to someone that I've known for over 25 years we went to college together but together until I want to introduce you to Miss Roberta morise welcome thank you
yeah yeah so welcome to the show and so on today's topic we're talking about virtual learning increasing the family connection let me tell you a little bit like an expert in August twenty-six years at a wonderful guy in college and married and they have three beautiful children she's graduated from Florida state are the Bachelors Degree in Psychology and she also has her Masters in curriculum and instruction from Barry University with a specialization and Mathematics and she is a teacher and she's working at ucation for 21 years her husband is the senior pastor of a church when she serves the first lady which means that the pastor's wife very active in her church very active in her community in Florida and she's a member of Delta Sigma Theta sorority welcome thank you
so I'm at Le bernadin one of the main reasons why have your on today it's because you are a teacher yes yes yes and before you started out in Psychology tell me what how did she even enter into the year it was interesting journey I have to say I worked in Psychology for five years my minor in college was statistics in the matter of fact I was so deep into my mind I was only two classes away from a double major so I work in Psychology for 5 years and then I had a rather traumatic and took of her with one of my quiet when I was working on my client attacked me and I decided at that point it was time to re-evaluate what I was doing I was a Psychology major because I wanted to help people that was something I always wanted to do I didn't really know whether or not teaching was the route I wanted to go though so I started subbing as I went to summer school in the guidance Department
that day coincidentally do math teacher decided she was going to quit it was the first day of school he decided that he was going to retire early and walked in and said I'm not doing nothing so they came and got me out of Gardens and they can you please cover the class that was the beginning of my journey into becoming a math teacher and my background in statistics play the huge role in the choosing to teach math because I was pretty Savvy with mathematics and so the school district called me which never happens and said we look at your transcript and looks like you can be certified to teach math if you ever consider getting your math certification because I have my psychology certification and I said you know no not really but at that point I don't even teaching out anyway so I pursued it not been teaching math ever since and it's just amazing how God places you where you're supposed to be even when you weren't trying to get there so
what motivates you as a teacher
I love helping the kids learn if so for me seeing them learn something new that they've never been able to do before just hit it really makes my day so I like being able to just help them I teach them a lot and more so than teaching them about math always throw an opportunity to teach them about life as well yes yes and you actually have a big family you're so yes we do the person that ended up volunteering to chaperone you said not work with the youth group and I was always in some way mentoring and molding and shaping do you around me and I can't stand all know this is not this is not what I'm going to do and absolutely is what I've been doing all along so yes wonderful
distance of a connection in specially with children is really important I believe it's the foundation can you describe in your own words what it is when connection is with children and with your own chairs and as a teacher I think the most important thing is just to be genuine determine whether or not you're being sincere or not very quickly and you don't have to go out of your way to do anything special you just have to be sincere when you say you care if you have to actually really care when they tell you they're having a bad day you know you have to really take the time to listen to while you're having a bad day and not be so strict with deadlines and expectations so much so that you failed to see the person behind what's happening so just really being genuine and being present in the moment you know when I have a student who comes to me and says you need to come get my homework done because my mom had two
okay that moment I'm going to stop and say is your mom okay is everything all right at home you know what she did was come home last night tell me more about what's happening are you okay and you know being just genuine and concerned about the students makes a big difference and when I'm genuine and I show that I care they work so much harder for me also when you wear so many roles has connections with you know your children your teaching you know with God being at the church husband how do you at the
it's a lot but I will say just being present in the moment makes a big difference just being present in the moment just when I'm at church being present they're not thinking about what I need to do not worrying about the grocery list not thinking about what in the house I haven't cleaned up yet just being present in the moment and doing the most in that moment and if you live your life like that you really enjoy what you're doing all the time this always something else to do always something about you if you spend your life always thinking about the thing you need to do you're going to miss the moment as they pass you by
just being present makes a big difference to me and it sounds like a logical and spiritually also and I wasn't always present I have to say I think it's over the years I become more present in the moment just realizing that I can look back on a week and realize that I couldn't remember where I was when I did this or how many people I saw when I did that and I just realized I missed all those moments because I was so concerned about the next moment that I couldn't enjoy the moment I was there and so you'd like to the years of how to do that right yeah yeah yeah yeah and now with this pandemic technology is coming a lot into the I don't know if you did a lot on technology fire
nothing like what I'm doing now yeah yeah so for you I guess I never thought about it as being in where you can make a connection right now days one of the main ways yeah yeah he feel like he can increase connection or diminish yet or what are your thoughts about it
both I feel like sometimes people can hide behind the technology and not take the time to actually talk to people and get to know someone when you see them but then I also feel like it helped some people who are extremely shy someone who's not comfortable being out in public and interacting with people in public if you can do it from behind your computer screen it kind of gives you the opportunity to say what you're really thinking and what you really feel when you may be afraid to do it in front of someone so it just depends on the person you know I do feel like some people hide behind the computer they say some things online that they would never ever say to someone in person and I think that that's a bad thing but I've also found that I used to know this social media rooms to keep up with people I haven't seen in Forever you know it's nice to be able to see you see a live picture of you online and see what's happening in your life even though I can't see you specifically all the time
so I think it has its pros and it has caught it doesn't it's made it a whole different world these days it has a really has because you can become a whole fake person online that you can create this new persona that's not even you and no one benefits from that but you can also use it as a way to express who you are the people that you're afraid to say something to you when you see them yes yes yes it is interesting with wheels that social beings you know my students just so you know I just missed it in your class I just miss being in the classroom and they miss just seeing each other it's not that they talked to these other people in class consistently bees are not even people they're really close friends with but just being in the community with other people that are doing the same thing you're doing it just it makes a difference and they met
just sitting next to a person whose name they haven't known all year think they miss having that connection and so I did try to facilitate a class where all the kids to get together and see each other that was really interesting but but they all wanted to be there and they were just like this is so nice I'm so glad I can see everybody and they said some of the kids in class with them are not people's phone numbers they don't communicate outside of school so being able to see if he will they have only used to stay in school and say hi and they know how are you doing what's going on they appreciated having that opportunity I was curious about that whether they were doing haven't any so so in the learning right what was that was only for social that was not for learning that was not an educational Forum I told him to meet me for lunch and it was we went we got on for lunch so
yeah you just did that on your own and they sell stuff like they give them a give him a chance to just because I had some students were very withdrawn very introverted very shy and even though they were very shy there were other kids in class at wish I liked them so they would all sit together and they may have not talked about much but at least they had each other when they wanted to say that one thing you know Instagram tags and each other and so they missed that socialization and I was surprised how many kids showed up for life even miss that socialization and so yeah it's a good thing that you really does impact in and help us
Albertville learning and Harlequin ichthyosis family connection
during this difficult time that we are all facing
many people are in need of someone to talk to when option is speaking to a therapist to express your anxieties if you're feeling isolated or just need someone that will listen and help you with coping skills to get through
dr. Anthony Brown is now accepting new clients and is working with her existing clients through distance video counseling the services are through a secure online HIPAA based practice management platform called Simple practice this technology can provide a secure two-way interactive video counseling session over the internet
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dot-com or you may call 239-565-6921 thank you and remember we are all in this together
welcome back to bring this missing where intimacy is real if anyone's out there listening and they want to call and let me just give you the calling number is 888-627-6008 and on top of today is virtual learning increasing the internet connection at home is trying to I'm summer of working and Sam were working from home instead of course maybe I'm has lost their job but they're also having to do something when you never thought we was their kind of like that I see the time has come scoop you know until a selfie came to show me something and I wanted to tell her how to do her some a thing but then I remember way back when our teacher said you know let me see some math the way I wanted to see them
does parent how do you eat me then go to the stop in specially your daily with middle school kids ya-ya-ya stuff for my teacher as a teacher talking to his parents out there how did he even go about doing this well my perspective is this I feel like I want to give my students exactly what they need to be able to do it by themselves I think the parents should only have to help with technical issues like I'm having trouble getting the screen to open I can't log into this website I don't want them to actually have to teach the lesson within changes the way I have to deliver my lesson and so I have to teach you I record lessons I do education lesson Thursday interactive whiteboard tablet where you work everything out and you can talk over everything you're doing and I teach the lesson the same way I would
daddy in the classroom example by example and then I record them and I upload them and the whole idea is that the student can watch it and understand what to do and be able to do it so then of course I use my kids are getting. So I was like okay look at this and see if you can tell what to do without having to ask your mom for help because I know the parents are working at home to is essential that the kids are able to do the work without having to ask for extra help in addition to my video on always adding links to other videos the in case you still need help watch this video case you still need help go to this website and I add those into the program as well and then I use from there I go into practice problems for them to be able to do on their own that sell check to tell them am I able to do with what I'm supposed to be doing or not
do lemon as a teacher I have office hours every day where the students can call in through a meeting group and we can talk through everything you have would anything you have questions or making work it out with me so the last resort my absolute last resort is for them to go to the pair I don't want them to add any additional stress their parents lives already because working from home is already extremely stressful from those parents death row school work on top of that right yeah you have to make sure that you understand that it takes longer to learn the lesson when they're by themselves so what maybe 45 minutes less than sitting Improvement turn into an hour and a half so you have to take that into consideration to when you're loading information into the student you have to make sure you're not overloading down on one particular day
okay so you made an interesting point that parents should only help out on technical issues and Elementary School is definitely be more but I didn't say yes so right yeah there's pictures that maybe get upset when he was struggling and all of a sudden they got everything right right yeah what do you tell real parent he was like you know
I see my kids doing it wrong and I really want you like hell that right there that we do it again or attorney than you know like with an attorney an incorrect actually because it helps me to see what they don't know and when I look at the work when the students if everybody is missing the same thing it tells me or the teacher that I need to go back and reteach that topic so what you're saying is that if your child turns and something that I can have everything correct saying I should teacher you get to see what the kids haven't learned exactly how it is in class in class you do people have the right sometimes they're wrong in every single assignment that I collect does not go in the Great Book A lot of it is just for me the same just so I can see where you are do you know this have you learned it enough
and then I will give him something and everything that goes in the great book I label specifically disc grade is going to count towards your final grades so they know everything else is practice and it's okay to mess up on practice practice is how you learn if it's the conversation we can't have because we're not in class so if I have you know 30% of my students turning in an assignment and they're getting a 60% or less on the assignment that is assigned to me okay tomorrow I'm not going to move on tomorrow let us spend more time on the same lesson because they need more practice but if I'm getting 100 + 100 is because the parents of hell
it makes me feel like we're ready when we're not a breakdown that communication Florida if it's going to be on Virtual DJ end-of-the-school-year yes yeah yes and I think it's some other students assessment that you guys are still doing online yes it is in for the things I really want to know if they know I haven't worked about on paper because I am math and I have them uploaded work to me so I look at their work to make sure that they're doing it correctly now I have 130 students total so they don't upload every assignment to me because it's just impossible to get through all of it but for the one that I really want to know have you learned this concept I have them take a picture uploaded and the biggest issue in the beginning was how do I take a picture and load this into the portal and sell banana
so you're good at that and I do look for the work I want to see that they know what they're doing because that's how I know they'll be ready for the next math class because they have somewhere to go after they leave me so I need to make sure they're prepared to get where they're going to tell if actually running
it slipped on the other is harder ever. Because I'm looking at the grade that they're getting in in our grade books is McCall Koenig I'm looking at their grade and I know in my heart apart a lot of the greatest participation so for the things that I am able to really assess that they know what I can ask questions but I just asked a lot of questions you know what do you do in school this week tell me what you're doing in Spanish class what do birds have you learned that even though I don't speak Spanish fluently enough to be able to tell him if he say he right or not if he can't tell me what he did this week in Spanish he didn't learn anything this week in Spanish is having that specific conversation go tell me about the fact I did that this morning. Would you do this week tell me what this teacher asked you to do tell me what you learn tell me you know what do you have to turn in because all of the things they learn doesn't necessarily correspond to an assignment they had to turn in
sometimes I just have the reading watching the video doing something so it's just having a very targeted specific conversation tell me what you're doing in your class and then just really listening and telling you something different Maple the last time so you know that they're Gathering some new information yeah I know you're dealing with them. Parents are listening in this lips how do I even get my team cuz we for when they used to come in the car and go pick him up nothing nothing nothing how do you get this that's that's a little different for me because my back rub your psychology so I kind of forced them to have conversations with me my question is never how was your day my question is tell me what happened today in school when you're walking to class tell me what happened at lunch today tell me where you had the hardest time and very specific question so I will ask them very specifically
tell me about this cuz I know you were studying for a test how was the test did everybody else seems to do okay how did you feel about it you know we talked about I asked very specific questions and they have turned around they walk in the car and go see how was your day tell me three things about your day you know they start with the whole but that is that is how we do things you don't tell me about on the scale of 1 to 10 University in The Best Day Ever One being the worst day tell me about your date if I don't have to ask you any other questions just tell me where your day rates and then it's do you want to talk about it is it something you want to talk about is it something you don't want to talk about just to check in and see how they're doing on a daily basis okay yeah now that we're home to you know how do you feel about being home how do you feel about not being able to see your friends are you still connecting with your friends at me some face time are you talking to them in a while you're playing games because I know the social aspect of what we're missing from school is
equally as important as education and afraid to question and asked questions about their chests and sell as someone told me how do I send something to another shut the door if you need your whatever Instagram all these other how to get to tell everyone yes yes yes yes kids are doing school work and then how much is too much on a computer how do you know they're working so my high schooler I know she's working because she's a senior and she does not want to share the Wonder grade to be impacted negatively self-motivated so
she gets to work in her room because I know that she's going to finish the work my middle schooler is not quite as motivated and so he has to work at the table with me so that typically means that he doesn't start working until I'm finished with my office hours so that I have time to just make sure he's going to ask if he's finishing everything he needs to finish and so it's it's different for every child you know everybody's not going to be the same this week in school she had a goal to finish everything by Thursday she did it so that was a gold he set for himself because he want to have Friday as a day when he can just relax you don't have to you don't have to make up work and get stuff done at the last minute and said that was a good goal he said from self and we've talked about that every week we talked about the next week what do you want to do you know he has two classes where things are always up Friday by midnight so I said for those two classes let's think of a plan what do you want to do what he was like what I think I'll do
go to class at first I would have suggested that but I'm glad you thought of it and then the other classes you know he can get to it when he gets to it and but then this week he said you know it was a light weeks I decide to do everything early and so that was something that that worked out but again if he's not sitting in front of me he is talking on the phone she is playing a game he is watching a movie he's you know she's the one that has to sit in front of me to get it done so what are you doing things he suggested was not setting goals with your kids and having a place where they do their work when I say come out and get your work done he knows exactly where I'm speaking of we have space set up just for him to work on his school work and that's all he does okay and then I can you also mention and action plan if you go right right
I try not to give them the steps I want them to figure out what it is they need to do because I feel like when you think of it on your own you're more invested in your own plan as opposed to me telling you I think you should do whatever you also ask how much time was too much time online yes I do feel like more than an hour consecutively in front of a computer is too I think you should get up and take a break to walk around have a snack stretch your legs come back and do something else you shouldn't stick continuously in front of a computer for more than an hour because they don't sit in class for more than an hour in middle school maybe an hour and a half in high school so you don't want to get in the habit of sitting in front of a computer all day without getting up and moving around
right right I don't think it's also physically healthy to It's not that it's not a schedule
yes it's a loose schedule the battle is you have to get up in the morning take off your pajamas and get dressed for the day. That is when they have to do like I do not want to see your pajamas after you're working on school work I feel like you have to just change your environment and if it makes a difference to get up change clothes eat breakfast and then he started I haven't had a strict about what time they get up and get started because they tend to work late at night so they'd rather trade off a weeping late and staying up later to finish school work they don't mind finishing like 5 or 6:00 in the evening if they get to sleep until 10 so and I am not going to die for me that's not that's not a battle that I'm I need to fight that's not a big deal to me whenever you get up is fine but when you get up your day starts can you stay up you get up and make a new bed and get change clothes you get started for your day and then we don't go back to bed and
what time to go to sleep I don't want them hanging out in their rooms all day and sitting in the bed and it just the old really quick right right and I think you've been kind of push them to go outside yes oh yes they have to make a for a walk or go bike riding everyday so we get out and we go and I go to we get out and they go in the house all day. It's just do you also have had experience of person parents who have kids to have a hard time even sitting to do this
you know computer work cuz I've worked in schools and I know that there's some rap you know ADHD and a variety of stuff I haven't heard back from any of my parents and as a matter of fact some of my struggle with sitting still in the classroom and then turning in there were quite diligently online and I think it's because you can get up and move when you want to at home if not you don't have to sit consecutively for 53 minutes 55 minutes and work while you're sitting there and you can look at the last time you can watch the video you can stop you can get up and do something else come back within the assignment there's no time limit on the assignment that I give so you can get three problems and get up and come back later and they've been very diligent about getting me work turned in so I think just having that flexibility has helped the students to need to get up and move and have that desire to not
okay sis actually like you said it's been able to give them more flexibility exactly exactly so also as you're saying you also have a high schooler yes yeah yeah is that a little bit different than dealing with the middle school. And you said I mean she's got in mind focus it is different because it's really more about management position for me with with her schoolwork it's just you know have you finished everything okay good it's a lot different it it's a lot different yeah yeah yeah and with high schoolers and I'm especially seniors this year is still critical for them but it's all so devastating that it's different yes it is it is
lots of changes this year you know I think when we got the call that grad night was going to be canceled it was that was the first blow and then when the refund check came in the mail it was like okay this is really not going to happen you know they were planning for she's a senior class officer so she was part of the planning committee for the prom babe you know I actually went with her to look at her venue and they were very invested in getting ready for the prom and now you know the conversation is are we going to get a deposit back in where we going to do this or even your dad activity and so things are just very different it's very different Yeah Yeah Yeahs even have that conversation with her
how are you feeling about today and usually it started with so disappointed I was just like just give me my diploma to get into this is unfair it's always me that these things happen to know what you're thinking but he is going to have some awesome class reunions because they're going to make up all the stuff they didn't get a chance to do and you know I think their first one if I were in that class I will plan it earlier than 10 years are probably my first Click Five Just because they didn't have a chance to have all the stuff they didn't get to know they can come back and do it and you know have a chance to see each other one more time before they go on with life cuz most of them will be graduate from college drive so if you just mention I just thought up and then my daughter went off to college they talked about this Jose tells that parents need to do
is resilient resilience
yeah so this class of 23 and even the kids bounce back if they are still learning to be resilient still learning that life is not always go with your plan and then the best the best made plans can change at the drop of a hat and so what are you do you just pick up and keep going what are you not going to stop you keep going and so that is that is a life lesson they're learning right now things are very different than what they planned but life goes on and as long as you're alive you can make something better happens tomorrow right and I think many of us don't learn that lesson 2 in about 20 right yeah they're learning it now and it's not such a hard lesson I mean a lot of times when we learn these life lessons were learned by ourselves but they have they have company
they have other people to talk to you about what they're going through everybody is experiencing what they're experiencing now so they have someone to talk to Nick and fall back on Living Lean on and so it it gives you the extra level of the word that I don't think I had when I learned some of life more difficult lessons he talked to earlier about how you are helping your students get some of the social learning theorists how do you help in a sense of the social learning from a parent's perspective
making sure that they connected with their friends is very important like before we were on quarantine in our first with my children about being on FaceTime all day get off the phone you know you shouldn't be over phone constantly you got to get up and enjoy time with your family now families together all the time so now I'm actually encouraging have you FaceTime your friends today if you have a group chat with your friends which friends have you not talked to give me the make sure you reach out to those friends and you know how you how their family if you know when you talk to your friend and she asked me how their family doing are you really pushing them to stay in touch with different because that connection that they used to have outside of the house they don't have anymore and so where I used to fuss with my son about being online playing video games and talked with his friends online now I'm like so you can talk to your friends
I need that time with their friends not all day and all night but they do need that you're flexible and changing it. With the time when you have to listen parents who just try to discipline everybody the same way yeah yeah Mike my three children are completely different kids so would work for one just would not work for another and they're just the personalities are so very different and how they respond to
correction of different also like how is it affecting your twenty-year-old
wow well I think he's impacted the most because he was the semester he was taking a break from school he was just working so now that he's not working because his job he worked in the school system with kids and so now that he's not working he does everything else to do so she really just likes it very much very much because he's just sitting around 12 I think what it has done has helped me realize that he's ready to do something different he's online looking for classes to take something because he's tired of just sitting around you know with nothing to do here Ely misses going to work everyday so
it's a little bit of convincing himself in some just deciding you know it is I called the time of self-reflection like deciding if you really want to be on you know are these your sister course for people they want to take if there's where you see yourself in 10 years from now what you're doing now is it going to get you there how can I help you to get there and we've been spending a lot of time just deciding where we going to go from here or call the one thing he has learned is that he really enjoys working with children which I've always seen but
I'm happy that he sees it now too and that and I can see him having a picture in the school system as well so that would be I would love to see him do something like that but again just one of those things figured out by myself so yes yes yes I would love to hear about because I know besides this you also and and first lady and so will be here about how bad it is and Mossad and then we'll continue talking on 6 about nothing okay
so now my husband is the pastor at Bethel AME Church in Pompano Beach Florida and we do have a Facebook page for the Bethel AME church and we do have Facebook live streams now at 10 every Sunday because we are practicing social distancing and we would love to join us on Sunday at 10 a.m. on Facebook live and for those who'd be interested in any other aspects of the church in do still have Bible study and church school and things like that that we've been virtually through resume this has been a great opportunity for us to learn how to integrate technology into our worship services so we're learning and adapting with the times at church as well
I'm still into you guys are doing also Bible study resume we're doing Bible say through soon yes
what are you up on that information and say it again at the end of the show so so many roads before we going to Lord tips how do you practice self-care because you give and give it mean even talk about 25 years of course house work in a variety of other stuff
what do you do for self care
I enjoy sitting outside on the patio and just listening to music that is one thing I do that all the time and when I need them over to get away I just go outside the down take my speaker to my phone play some music and just take a moment to just
relax and be compressed and sometimes there's so many things going on that you just need to get away from everything and just stop
and I do that and I enjoy doing that I also enjoy very much listen to books on tape I don't have any any John R in particular that I care about more than another I just look for the best ratings of so far been okay with finding books that I like and I just enjoy sitting and listening to a book on tape as well I don't read the way I want to because I usually don't have time to sit down and read what I listen to the book on tape in the car when I'm driving from one place to another and then when I'm getting ready to go to sleep I'll sit there and listen to a chapter before I go to bed those are things I just enjoy doing just for me okay good good so I'm glad that you just find time for yourself to self soothe and to be fed yes yes yes son is last part of the show we talk about tips tips on how to increase family connection
I think it's very important to just take the time to speak to everybody like genuinely talk to people don't be you know I always say I don't I don't need a roommate I don't need roommate to my my family members are important to me and I always try to take the time to really connect with them each one individually on a daily basis you know everybody has time and they know Mom something else coming in the room to come talk to you about what's going on you can see if he wants you but I've been dating that face and we're going to sit and talk about what's bothering you what's on your mind what are you happy about what are you enjoying with my children and I try to do that what I do I do that everyday with all three of them and my husband and I used to have date nights every Friday we're when she start time to go out and get away from everything and enjoy time together we haven't been able to go away but we have to find ways anymore
well you'd be surprised how much they love coming to talk to their mother and father when we want them to stay in there they will come you know if I'm sitting down all of a sudden the door open to here comes on what you get where you going what are you guys doing and I'm glad they enjoyed being around us I don't ever want that to stop I am happy that they enjoy spending time with us so I'm okay with that but when we go out in just about time away like you know we take time to just go for a ride together even though we're still going and where exactly so each other
how to be on the same page right ankle backwards over the years it's not something that you walk into doing perfectly but it's something when you figure out you know overtime what is the weather tips for connecting. Where we don't know how long do you guys know how can I put in everyone's home
all the time you get on each others nerves because now this out there just so many people home all the time not that you would expect them to okay okay and that's only because I was very intentional about making sure the kids did not fight with each other when they were little I was it was a very intentional thing that I did when I noticed they were start nitpicking with each other when they were malicious and just intentionally mean to each other they would always get called into work and so now that they're older they don't do that because they know that that's something that I don't expect me to send them do so we're dealing with that he would dealing with brothers and sisters arguing over
well you know okay I will tell you when I first noticed that they used to watch this one particular show on TV which was a kid show for the brother and sister never got along they always fought with each other they always pick on each other they prank each other and so then I noticed that the kids were doing the same thing at home and so I pull them all together and I said look what they do on TV is scripture this is not real life are not even really related at the end of the day they're all going to go someplace different but at the end of our day were all at home and so we have to learn that we're here for each other and you're the only person that's ever had at the end of the day you have each other and nobody else and so you have to act like you are there for each other and I finish this television is making you act this way we're not going to have television for a week and I took their television away for a week and after that they found a way to communicate with each other in a more appropriate way and I haven't had to do that again since then I from time to time
you know I haven't talked with one or the other and say okay that was a little bit harsh the way you handle that I need you to handle that differently the next time it happens you know how could you handle it differently so that I'm not upset because I don't think that's a good way to handle it and so we would talk about it but whenever anything happens I was just like any little thing I made a big deal about it so they wouldn't do anything bigger and I made a big deal about every mother if he went in your room and close the door because you want to see your brother okay we're going to talk about that that's not that's not what we're going to do if you need time alone then you need to say you know what that's fine I just need a minute to myself when I go to my saying what you're feeling express yourself don't take it out in a very negative and harsh way because you know 30 years from now you don't want your brother look back and feel like you don't love and care about him because of what you did now so it was a very intentional shaping of their behavior to make sure that that would happen
and they're very good with it now now if they have an issue they will say you know I just need a minute I just need a minute and then it is a bigger issue they may come and go Mom I need to come talk to so-and-so because this is what's happening and they pull up then they will let us know what's going on with I would say they've learned you know to adapt to being with each other a lot so I see you did a great job of communicating to them the importance of having that family bond right because my husband is a pastor we do move a lot and when the children were younger we moved you know what can we get assigned to a new church so we were not in one place for a long time and you know you really are all you have it meant something to them because when we first moved anywhere they were all they have they really had to learn to depend on each other and enjoy each other's company and spend time together
can you friends it was them and so I think just the mobility of Our Lives made them learn to depend on each other a little bit more than maybe other siblings yeah that's a great great thing and I know also that you guys are very young but you pray as a family together yes we do and I think that has a big impact to it does it does and you know when things happen I try not to become like the parent that they're going to talk about behind my back and go Mama go again but when they do stuff Bible say about that honestly what what does it say in the Bible what do you think I should have died versus just understand that this is something coming from a higher power who has more expertise than myself if it's written in the Bible
you need to learn how to do and how you didn't give him the answer you guys in to find the answer yes and that's the result of my upbringing because whenever I had a question my parents made me look things up and it wasn't Google it was an encyclopedia and a dictionary and sometimes even I had to go to the library to look it up so that I can come back and have a conversation with you about something that you could have just told me but it was how I learned and I have taken that and I've used it with my children and so I'm even if you've been talking about this virtual learning it's also using it as a tool
have them find the answers right right right you know because I do tell them I won't always be here to give you the answer but you need to know how to find it so if I can't give you the answer you can't just stop you have to figure out how to do it when I'm not I didn't tell you what to do if you have one last tip for All Families out there listening
spend time together now right now we're kind of forced to spend time together supervised doing it but be intentional about spending time together especially including my oldest shoes 21 he's not always the one that wants to do you know the little things we want to do so we always try to find something that everybody wants to do and we spend time together doing that one thing that everybody enjoys don't we love to eat so we like to go out to restaurants and eat and if it's something we enjoy doing together this the younger two like to do things like go to the beach he doesn't really want to go so when it's time for family time we see things that everybody wants to do and we do it and then we did start going into you know letting one person shoes and then everybody kind of do it but they always end up choosing places to eat so that have kind of become I think we like to go out to eat we like seeing you like Chinese restaurant and we like to
I'm sorry if you doing a lot of take out now no no no no not since we've been home I've been cooking more we've only eaten out maybe once or twice since we've been home on a regular basis Saturday was usually are they Saturday or Sunday we will go out to eat somewhere as a family that was always something that we did as a family because play games and do other things activities together at home yeah we'll pick a movie at again finding a movie by people to watch that everybody wants to see if again another yeah but we we can always find something so we have you know every now and then we call about time just come sit together and watch a movie together sometimes and we're cooking something new will all end up in the kitchen trying to be no watching and cooking and doing things together but just being intentional about including everybody is somebody still sitting in their room
do anything you know coming out with us and just kind of pull everybody together so we like to eat out to a lot and so now we're doing this with butt selfie going I so she creates the least little eye menus of restaurants okay we are at a restaurant down okay I love that I like that for now that we've been cooking at home where I've been I was just telling the kids you know that's not looking for the new recipes to try less that have a new recipe every week. Just try one new thing that you know we can all mixed together and try it and so we started we have some ways to go but it's been fun doing something different
talking with us and it's helping us develop as human standing right in the front desk and stuff yeah yes definitely has been an honor to have you enjoyed the show very much thank you for inviting me and I want to I'm for you to say it again I'm how they can find you the greater Bethel AME I can find you guys yes on Facebook greater Bethel AME church and we stream live on Sundays Facebook live 5:10 a.m. for worship service and we also have a website Bethel AME Church Pompano. Orgy and I write thank you so much for being on the show you walking back anytime this is going to bring intimacy back though thank you thank you very much have a great day bye