welcome to the bring intimacy back show we are intimacy is real if you desire to intimately connect with yourself your significant other children and family friends community and your higher power this show is for you. We explore intimate topics inspiring life stories spirituality and insightful tips on strengthening relationships this show is hosted by dr. April and her co-host dr. Kelly now let's get this episode of the bring intimacy back show started because we share with you the secret power to intimacy to create a life you love or love the life you create now here's your host dr. April dr. Kelly welcome to the bring an intimacy show where intimacy is real well conducted Kelly how are you doing I'm doing I'm doing well it's one of my favorite holidays today is April Fool's Day yes yes and it's a great day specially because it's the week of
before Easter and sell this is just really get that such a joyous day today yes you know that some people thought I was playing one on them but I was all serious I said I'm serious I'm serious and there they still didn't believe me that comment alive today yes and always yeah so today we have a special guest on the show his name is Mike Mateo welcome Mike
hi guys how are you ladies doing dip my God yes I was let me tell you what's so special about Mike Mike is actually a social worker that graduated with his masters from New York University and Mike you know social work and counseling and everybody you guys think that's all serious and all and all that but might know Mike is found a way to make it funny he's even created the punishment University I need focus on trauma but he focused on helping people through a lot of different techniques for one of his main techniques is humor welcome Mike how are you doing
thank you so much for that introduction I'm great I'm I'm exhausted it's been a lot of work I'm supposed to my launch day is today and there's so many problems like I haven't really even been online yet to promote it you're the first time I'm online today so
I'm launching shrink University program helping healthcare workers bring humor into their work it's pretty exciting its innovative I'm excited for it and you know I I I been a social worker for God 20-something years and I loved being a social worker always and I never thought I could be a therapist because I thought I would have to lose that funny part of myself when I'm counseling people but I realize that after speaking to supervisor who what was hilarious that you can do it you can incorporate the Two Worlds and so I found a way to do it and it works
okay awesome so you think social workers are funnier than the counselors in the foot in my mouth. At all University is launching today that fantastic fantastic I love the idea of humor in that you just have to make sure you don't laugh at the wrong time I'm sure that's probably right
right and so many people are scared like that I've Heard lots of people say I can't use you to Mariah it's inappropriate and like what I want to do is teach people how to use it appropriately and place their intervention strategically so that you can go deeper into the work
yeah until how do you even begin using humor especially where and a time. Now we're the great thing about it is we're all in it yeah but the sad thing is it's a terrible thing so how do you invite humor into all that
I say humor come on in so I just where we're sitting down we're talkin let's say you and I we're having a conversation and you're talking about some deep trauma and I see that we've reached a plateau like you can't go any deeper because you're so upset so what I will do I call this the laughter break method where we will just say eyes out say you know what did you see that thing I'll just I'll just start talking did you see that TV show where and then we'll talk about something silly and I'll make them laugh a little bit and do like give them a little bit of distance from their trauma and then once once I see the redness in their cheeks again I do okay are you ready to die back in because of One Piece
call Jack triggered the color goes out of their face you might notice that and so that's one of the indications for me like oh we're we're reaching at we're reaching a Breaking Point intuitive and if you do have to follow the affect of your clients so that it has a lot of depth to let you know
thank you yeah really I think this is going to do exceptionally well have you always been humorous Mike funny thing is I don't think I'm the funniest person in my family I think there are tons of fun are people one of my cousins is hilarious that can make you laugh at any time I just think I I grew up as when I was 18 months old I was in a car accident and as a result I have something I could cerebral palsy I have a traumatic brain injury and I can't use my left side I walk with a limp in my left arm doesn't work too well so I realized at a very young age if I can make people laugh they wouldn't feel sorry for me and so at 7 years old I start to learn how to make people laugh and it's stuck with me and
you know I I thought I would be a a full-time world-renowned comedian and once I started to make it I realized the did being in the spotlight really gave me a lot of anxiety so I called back and start went to this training program for Psychotherapy and
you made it work for you
yeah humor has always been a part of my life always
yeah I know I'm and I forgot to mention that he's been a part of the Laugh Factory in the short bus Comedy Tour we just fab in the sense of all the abilities you have to do comedy in Stockyards and on the show here we're talking about intimacy into one of the things that I usually ask my guess is what does intimacy mean to you
I'm intimacy means I'm sorry about the sound means being closed being being intimate being able to connect with someone in a way that is authentic and not it doesn't I think when most people hear the word intimacy they thinking bang chicka bam Brown like the rain is going to be getting back to me is the furthest thing from intimacy that's just one aspect of being intimate with somebody else but true intimacy is about vulnerability and letting letting the other person see your authentic self
wow and then when you add humor to that you know the humor intimacy yeah how does that impact that connection
God it's it's such a
it's such a beautiful piece of work to be able to witness someone coming alive through humor or feeling better when you make them laugh and I I find might with with most people I work with her you know either I've gotten a lot of people in my practice we were like I I I hate therapy I never want to go to the thing I've had this therapist they were horrible and I'll start working with them and you know I'll make them laugh I'll make them see things differently I'll be more authentic and more relational and they will
belt do enjoy the work which I think is a huge Testament to not to me but to just being able to connect with someone authentic Lee to be in
yeah yeah what's up guys I like are you got to forgive me I'm a therapist so what about you guys how do you work you don't know I kind of do a little bit of what you just said in the sense of when this, I'm talking about something serious and I can feel it there they are but they're not ready to really go there and I will back off I will check around before I come back into it yes and my humor is hunted sometimes dry I guess I'm not sure but I laugh at myself
your your best audience I don't blame you
yeah the doctor Kelly loves me and understand she's a hilarious so I let her I've been getting in trouble for laughing for a long time and I do find that I do use it a bit in probably not to the depth at you do I do use it within my sessions with glands but at the end of the sessions when we laughed so much I'm like I can't believe I'm charging them because you're reputed for both of us I mean it really is a good lens to just focus on something that I never thought about how you said do when somebody's like starting to have their affect change in their faces turning white and they're connecting with their trauma to use humor to bring them back to the surface a bit
so I appreciate that advice I will use that does affect and studying how a person is reacting while they're talking about trauma and life events is very critical so thank you for that Mike thank you that guy that comment means the world to me because all through creating this program I just think you're a fraud you don't know what you're talkin about religions are really helpful here in the feedback from you guys have you ever felt like okay so I'm a third born so I've been getting in trouble for laughing for a very long time but have you ever felt like some people say while you're supposed to be serious cuz you know you're you know a professional and I went through a period of time where I really did believe that lie
like I had to be sorry and it was boring
I was bored I am
it's horrible
kelly you you have humor use it people aren't your boring people that ever happened to any of you
yeah yeah do you want her to do what
like I that's why I told I couldn't do the work I wasn't willing to sacrifice my sense of humor and like I gravitated towards jobs in social work where I was working in communities where I could be more myself and I realize through that work like I could I could joke around and real with someone and really create a great intervention that help them changed like I had when I worked in an adult day treatment program for people with HIV and AIDS I had this client whose nickname was fury because he was so angry all the time and one day he was screaming at somebody and it was early in the morning it was like 8:39 a.m. so rather than walk away I walked up to him I put my hand on his shoulder and go and said
good morning sunshine how are you and he looked at me and started laughing because no one ever called them sunshine and from that moment on our own little connection like whenever he would start the yard go Sunshine what's going on and he would laugh and so it I find like those little things that make us our cell phones are what we need to bring into the work yeah definitely going to take a small break but when we come back I would love to hear how cuz you mentioned a couple of things here how you had the thought of maybe I'm afraid maybe on this time. These negative thoughts and how you use your humor to get out of that but also how we can use humor to increase Intimacy in our life so we're going to take a short break before we take a short break I do want to talk to everyone about April is the month of child abuse and selfish child abuse which is really a serious
that has happened we do also have an agency that works very well and helping families connect to the foster care system in providing therapy and the charity of the month the worst thing is the Sterling Center so think about the Sterling Center they help children work through trauma and if you're interested go to the Sterling Center. Org we're taking small break and we will be back we're going to learn more about how we can use humor to take away negative thoughts and to bring back more intimacy are you on vacation and Paradise Ocean to rekindle the Prussian vacation without the kids a vacation where you can learn how to communicate where you and your partner actually hear each other in the game inside if so vacation counseling is your next vacation vacation Counseling in Southwest Florida as a perfect option for you and your partner are retreat
one couple at a time we have a variety of packages available to choose from including virtual Couples Retreat if you and your partner interested in the vacation counseling please visit us at vacation counseling.com for more information on pricing and packages also follow us on Instagram and Facebook to keep track of the latest news stories activities or coupons on vacation counseling and Doctor April's other services we encourage you to sign up to receive a monthly newsletter called him to make connections at dr. April brown.com remember if you and your partner are struggling with communication and intimacy looking for a retreat to connect vacation counseling and Southwest Florida
welcome back to the bring an intimacy show where intimacy is real so before we get back into the topic I want to tell you guys that like we brought my potato here to talk to kids about intimacy and and humor read dr. Kelly and I love to bring in great people break weekly shows and topics that we love to give tips on intimacy so if you wanted to get involved I'm thinking about joining out patreon a patreon is a tear that you can go on for $5 a month we will send you into me reflect an intimacy tip with the way you get some of that background things that happened some of the funny bloopers you get to be really intimate with
dr. Kelly and I sell my dad for five bucks exactly what that Mike should I get my eyebrows done where you think I've told me I needed a nose dry wax nose is now did you know that you are do you work with children also Mike I have I mean it's not my specialty my wife's is social work as well and she works a lot with kids and so you know I love. That's what I wanted to focus on but the universe had other ideas for miso
okay awesome I'm talking about the universe and how you just mentioned in the last segment how you had these negative thoughts cuz a lot of people how do you move forward with your humor to the set to you know you're not funny but you know you're funny yeah how did you even work through all that I think you know they're my humors one of the one thing's I know is my tie rod worked hard at developing a time I'm good at it and I think like when I think I'm a fraud are that I'm being a dick like I'll just try the right size those ideas I'll try to make them smaller I'll pretend they get like that big and then I'll step on something I can only sit on them
can't fail at being you Mike and it looks like you're doing a plus plus on that I think it's when we try to be something that we're not that we think that we have to be and you said early in your career you know what I'm going to be me and I'm going to adapt and find things that work for me and other people will adapt to that and from all of the things that you have done and by seeing your resume you're making it work just fine
what's one of your favorite venues to work with people is it in individual or is it like group mental health care I do mostly individual I like couples Works cuz it keeps me acted like I don't feel like I'm going to fall asleep when I'm leaving with somebody if there is if there are two people in the room one best example of intimacy and couples worth is I was I was working with a couple who had on Zoom who have a
5 month old son relatively newborn and they're they're in the middle of starting to argue and the sun's there and all of a sudden they're going back and forth and I'm trying to like it couples work is really like you're doing double dutch with people like your job time jump in your life when's the best timeto I stated that I said to them okay guys come down and they keep on going and then the baby goes I know that's right. He knows what I'm talking about he has the right idea and they both stopped and started laughing and we were able to get back to the work you know we talked about how the fighting affects their family Dynamic all of that but I think those are the moments where you
he realized okay then I can make a difference by helping people learn to laugh because Victor Borge said laughter is the shortest distance between two people if that's a real intimacy I don't know what is how can I use it to get you know I'm closer to my partner closer to my husband how can I use humor
that is a great question I think it is do you do you guys left together did the question I would have for you is what what made you fall in love with each other because humor is on any dating app humor is the number one thing people mention aside from love so you know what maybe something a little naughty like humor is the best feature most people find attractive and so I would wonder what made you fall in love with your partner what made you want to spend so much time with them is it their looks or is it their personality or is it their humor okay what makes what makes you what do you find humorous about them what makes you last what do they do that he'll
Uconnect better and I would really go on a fact-finding mission about what why you chose this partner like I I dated someone who didn't think I was funny that relationship ended faster than you could say bye Felicia
you know I often ask people when I'm getting to know them what who was the last person that made you laugh out loud so I'm going to ask you that not that were dating my juke but who was the last person that made you laugh out loud
call my wife I mean it it doesn't hurt that we're in quarantine together and stuck inside all the time but she is one of the funniest people we connected on our humor when we first met and so that is something that she makes me laugh constantly and then you know I have friends who I'm really close to who I call up and we just laughed and laughed I do a podcast with another comedian and he makes me laugh you know I try to surround myself with people that make me laugh my my daughter makes my last she's hilarious she said she's seven and so she came in this morning and goes it's it's it's April fools I got really your shoe's untied
and she looks down and she's Barefoot I go
yes
April Fool's jokes
so tell me something your wife's name isn't Felicia Wright
no it's Jeanette if you didn't say bye to her sounds like you have a fantastic family were you you said that you are not the funniest person in your family now do you do you have an individual practice or are you in a family practice for your mental health
individual I don't invite my family into my individual practice I can't deal with people that complain you noticed that when they ask me for advice then I gave him the answer they said who are you to tell me I'm like I'm the one you went so hey I have a question for you and will probably have some questions from listeners soon but how should a client look for a provider that brings humor into the office can you give any advice on that
that is a great question I like when I hear I thought I would say you want to find someone who isn't so rigid Live Crew as in so I so concerned about things being a right way or wrong way because I think humor for me is about making mistakes like I look at I look at life has imperfect and if I can utilize my humor to deal with my imperfections
like that's how I handle it and so does that's what I look for when if I was looking for a therapist to use tumor that's what I would look for if if they are very rigid about X or or their theories or not getting nothing relational God is something that I would think you know this isn't going to work for me another another thought I would
another thing I would say is that the therapist should be relational on what that means to people who don't know what that means is that just means they should relate to you as another human being they shouldn't think about oh I'm a therapist and I have to create this so what we were taught in schools this blank screen that that you are going to tell a bounce ideas off up now I want to I want to have a therapist who talks to me I want to know what you think
I have a plan that calls me Doc he Tak and I just love it I just think it's fantastic to be called.
I'm sorry, I know it's over laughing
I have a client who used to call me back and I would say thanks for the upgrade but I don't have my PhD
what theory do you think I don't mean to monopolize this but I'm so curious what theory do you think really aligns with having humor within it like would it be Carl Rogers unconditional positive regard like what type of psychological theory says wow this really aligns with incorporating humor call Rogers and you know a lot of the literature sites call Rogers for using human and I I also think I was trained as a Gestalt therapist and I think that is a great model of how to be authentic with your clients it doesn't really talk about humor but they talked about authenticity
Samuel I think it's his name we also used a lot of poetry and stuff but going back to what you were saying like I think in the sense of humor is it's about being authentic
and we are having an intimate conversation
Island counseling it's very intimate when should be ya then we can explore different topics and laugh about it and be ourselves and then do that that's when we can truly Bonnett yeah and find the truth about a Target that talking about
I'm having so much fun with you guys this is incredible yeah we different and I was just having a visual of this time that I had to be funny you know like I had to be funny for something like they put you on stage and they're like okay be funny and I could do it I just like it has to be organic it just has to happen so what about you might when you go into a session and you're not really that happy that day
that happens with all of us right like you know is I had a therapist once I told him I opened up an email from a client right before a session and I was so upset that it was hard to stay present during that session he's like so don't open the email from before your sessions lifesmart many and I think we all go through that and you know I think this is why my training as a stand-up comes in like we could be in a bad mood right before I go on stage and everything has to go out the window when I go up onstage I don't have the luxury to be in a bad mood so I've learned to to I've learned to gather all my energy internally and fake it and you know that that's a guy have any transfers from stage to therapy their days
and I don't want to be talking to people not to sound rude so but that you know we've all been there where you just have a day where you like please don't bother me just go home phone of bad jokes in your back pocket so with someone who struggles with humor is it good for them to memorize a few jokes to have in the back pocket
I don't so I don't think using humor and your sessions is about being funny like I really think that's a myth I think it's really about being authentic because I'm quirky like I'm I'm the type of person who I'm just I'm quirky and I'm weird and I'm silly and that's that's how my personality shines and that's what makes me funny I'm not I'm not there going no these are the jokes you got two left patient I'm trying I'm trying to connect with people on be authentic and I do that but and that and when I do that I'm able to attend that's using humor the average person is trying to connect with maybe a date or something and then use humor do they need to say I would say when you're on a date
never make fun of your date there were never be a second
right and
I would really say you have to watch how you want to connect with humor watch observe what's going on around you like it look at look at the waiter look at the other people online look at and just look at funny things we find humorous things by looking at what is not knowing what is not expected I was on stage during a show doing a show in the bowling alley and I had this Heckler in the audience we just kept on heckling me and he said something and I said you're in a bowling alley by better shoes and like it was the only thing I could think of to say that would connect where we were with someone to
like put them down in a gentle way so that I could get back to doing the job I was hired to do
if that makes sense o yeah that makes definite that makes tons of sense but when we come back we're going to get questions from the audience about humor and intimacy
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Welcome back to the beginning it's Misty show where intimacy is real yes. Do you have some questions I do have one it's actually one of the panelist dr. Kelly I'm sorry I'm just going to be greedy and I'm going to ask the first question to both of you we are trained therapist trained clinician educated and I've been told not to say some words like don't ever say interesting or you know don't like you can track my thing but I have found that sometimes I'll be smiling cuz something they say will be funny but it's not really funny a funny time to be smiling has that happened to you Mike and if so what do you do could I catch myself and I'm like
cuz it's not really fun for the couples when they're verapaz smiling when they're not smiling themselves so what would you recommend Mike and that is would you say come on. What would you encourage I'm at you know especially with you what do you think about that
Nike am I off what did I say
right exactly yeah yeah I know and I would say sometimes I guess maybe it's a vision that came in my head or something and trying to explain it but being very empathetic of what they actually look like you know sometimes people can lie that way also and they can understand that the joke
does that make sense you guys are making a lot of sense today I do have a question from somebody in the audience that actually are the serious question bringing Robin Williams who use humor throughout his life and even in Patch Adams and wanted to ask what you thought of humor and helping people heal
I like my girls like I when I was creating one of these courses I did a lot of research on the way he used humor to connect in something.
it's why I do this work I am in alignment with them he had a rough life like it's not rough but his dad died when he was 17 and then from Germany to Virginia and when he was in Virginia is he connected with an uncle who he felt like was a second father and that Uncle committed suicide very shortly after and they just dropped out of medical school so he put himself in some mental institution and
and I think it's so important that he'll and Robin Williams stand up comedian I wanted to anyway to be most like lipstick deeper into this my car because it's very sad to think that Robin Williams was known for his humor took his leg let's dig into that a little bit
you know you wanted to emulate him do you think that people that have humor also has that darker side in the biz I will stop this close I have I had one of my friends called diet bipolar which I thought was hilarious because what cyclothymia is is its orbit the Moon watching right really quickly and so I could experience highs and lows within the same day that has that it has helped me realize just how hard it is to
gay happy when you're dealing with Robin Williams want to see you the hard thing people don't want to see the depression I don't want to see but that they want you just to make me laugh monkey keep it together
yeah that's nice and I think you like it came out he also struggled with being diagnosed with Parkinson's I think so for a comedian who was so physical imagined life was over there's so much more to that story I'm sure and for our listeners if you're experiencing Suicidal Thoughts please reach out you can dial a hotline at one eight hundred two seven three eight two five five thank you for disclosing that because if that's authentic I myself am humorous
had thoughts of harming myself but I do struggle at times with going out into the public and then withdrawing I have to I can only go out for a. Of time I'm not going to agoraphobic but okay then I have to retreat and recharge so but I really like your style might question came in asking about your unit your University and how people can get information on that
are you could go to funny strength university.com we just open the doors today so there are a lot of things be kind if you have trouble finding it reach out to me on if you're having trouble signing up reach out to me on Facebook or LinkedIn Mike to tell you I will get back to you you could also email my cat funny strings University. Mom and if you have troubles or if you have any pick up a phone call Frank
call a friend did you get any questions after April cuz I have one more okay yeah but I do have one quick question just for a distance were talking about the universe does the university for Master Level clinician or for anyone that it's for healthcare professionals across the board but my wheelhouse is that a lot of it will be psychology be and what we are doing is starting in June we're having guests for the news come in and these are going to be a stand-up comedians public speakers and entertaining professionals who will teach on topics that I know personally like my first
my first 6 months are said I'm having someone come in to talk about neurobiology borderline personality disorder suicide my mentor is coming in to do her class on borderline personality disorder diagnosis through song which is a hilarious diagnosis BPD so I and we will we're in the process of getting credentialed for to offer continuing education credits for psychologists in North Area Health Care Professionals so I'm excited about it I'm a guest speaker for your thing I'm going to nominate dr. Kelly cachet she does a lot with comedy and with Native Americans and yes and I'm a lot in the sense of trauma
I just want to say that so thank you I'll say yes absolutely cuz I already feel my endorphins releasing just being in the same room here you do look like you have like a tattoo on your forehead right now on your forehead it's a full moon this is from Sylvia and Sylvia asked if you Incorporated you and your wife Incorporated humor in your wedding
oh my God yes it was so I'm I have a friend Simon who I've known for a very long time she would tell me if I told you how long I've known him but he perform the wedding and so she made it so humorous and so funny and my wife is such a funny person that her vows were hilarious and kissed a lot of frogs so when I am when we got married I was out there and we got married just enough sober and so they need to get their thank you I was here I cried the whole ceremony and my father was teasing me throughout the whole wedding about dying but I
cuz I really feel like I found my phone that's beautiful don't make me cry this is supposed to be humorous I'm glad you said you know I'm getting married in September and April Fool's joke I was like I'm two-thirds married I said yes in the preacher said yes to say yes. Find the other person I know if I fell off a chair and your last name. Thank you I know a lot of people
is it really no way I can't believe all the names in our family we don't have a body
bike when I saw your name
Bobby Boucher down here yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah right hey it's me this is 21st century we're going this year so far but but now we have to learn about laughter and then sometimes you just have to laugh at things cuz you can't change it it's about your perspective so yeah yeah Mike I have been so thrilled to have you on the show has been the best hour I've spent in a long time about how we can connect with you about your podcast cuz it's something you haven't talked about anything
I'd I have a the funny shrink podcast I'm really bad about uploading the episodes but it goes live to YouTube so you could search the YouTube channel the funniest thing podcast and we have about 30 or so episodes up there and it's great we interview Comedians and mental health professionals and regular people that have they use humor to navigate trauma and the all over my feet I'll be honored I would be honored I'm definitely
I I definitely want to have you on so what you said you get up on stage do you do a lot of conferences or I do I do a lot of conferences and ever since I was in my 20s I have used humor because my self disclosure is that I have a little bit of social anxiety that people don't know about so I have always used humor to mask and some people may be listening to this now say right Kelly really you have social anxiety you never meet a stranger that's cuz I want to meet them and get it over with
but no seriously I just think you know there's a lot of scientific basis on humor to heal and I did need to laugh today and I just it was so joyful to meet you today Maya can spend time with course with dr. April it's a truly a privilege to be a part of your journey and let people know about funny shrink University. I see it doing very well
from your mouth to God's ears and I do talk to him so I'll put in a good word for you so we do have upcoming shows on April 8th Marilyn Volker saxology 101 Michelle Edwards Financial compatibility you know people how people spend their money you got to find out what they value how you spend your money and how you spend your time on April 22nd William Cannon on environmental intimacy awesome and then I love this one April 29th Michaela tax 38 triple D thriving through all things definitely caught my attention there a remember for those of you that are listening don't forget to follow us on social media if you want to be a part of the b i b Community request to join the bring intimacy back on Facebook or group page follow us on Tik Tok Twitter Youtube of course we're on Spotify and iTunes and I heart and all of that other
stop it's joyous but if you want to hear more about that from dr. April and myself we go live on clubhouse every Friday morning and tomorrow we're talking about the passion week so we'll talk more about relationships on intimacy so it's just a joy to be a part of your journey today Mike at least one of us today and April is normally in a dress yes yes yes but thank you so much for being on the show and thank you again dr. Kelly and for those of us again he'll really wanting to get involved finest on patreon and join us and become one of our members so you can get to me inclusive stuff I like this has been to bring intimacy back show or intimacy as well thank you guys and today make sure you laugh because a boy
what's the weather for month and today is the first day of the rest of your life. Bye bye bye