feeling lost and alone looking for validation from your partner only to find the feeling of rejection and continued frustration your together yet so far now your frustration is turned into disdain and resentment your insecurities have begun to affect every aspect of your life ironically you have now become the cold and detached shielding yourself from the uncertainties of your relationships dr. April Brown has created bring intimacy back a series of discussions that are designed to help you reclaim what you have lost along the way dr. April will help you ReDiscover and reconnect to the intimate relationship your heart so desires go to www. Bringing intimacy back.com today and let the healing begin
welcome my name is so happy you're here today if you're listening on your name show is a show that is about life and so I want to rock you all again to bring it's Misty. We're interested on this so we ain't help you in making up there with you another children family business Network community and your higher Pop Secret power to create a life you love love the life and I'm Today show with we're talking about today it's interesting and today's date
you know times as you were going to lie to me find a little like treasure and I was so like a nice place to find a Jim and his name is Peter comfort and Peter is a wonderful therapist here in Southwest Florida and Peter is actually the founder owner of psychodramatic study a little bit more about your life
welcome thank you for having me it's wonderful to be here today the second drama is a is a way of doing therapy the theory behind psychodrama is called sociometer Theory and that's kind of the measurement of our social connections Howard different than our similar. Just think for a minute if we were to go through hard me that we lost you for a little bit can you stop back over there I'm sorry you lost me but I was coming to explaining with sociometer as it's the theory behind psychodrama psychodrama being way of doing therapy
searching on a tree is the difference between each other
if more people were two
look at another person maybe somebody says something that's very unkind and the response would be. Like that as opposed to maybe taking offense taking things personal or social beings weird rap with each other and there's a lot of opportunity for people to become upset
so Peter as you're explaining psychosomatic
studies in therapy. How did you ever even get into the field of therapy
no it's a good story I met a woman her name is dr. Natalie winter and a psycho dramatists of some note I think that she's practicing in North Carolina now but for a long time she lived here in South Florida I actually met her in grad school
and that she was teaching a class and as I listened to her there was just there was something about her that I just wanted to know more and it was his some she gave us all the feeling that there was that uniqueness in a song
of course it's true you're so doctor There's No One Like You on the face of the Earth
I was talking to a young woman here just a little while ago and I said could you tell me five things that you love about yourself and she looked at me and of course there's a great deal of anxiety associated with such a question
but was thinking she was able to come up with these things but what was interesting was the words that she chose resilient and that's a beautiful quality human being more stronger than we know
Sometimes using psychodrama which is which is a method where we can enact reenact something that has happened in our life to show each other how it happened what was said who was there where it happened and then reenact it again to do it the way we may have life
is it clear
what are life we're we're constantly taking on new roles retiring roles we become stuck in some roll it just doesn't work for so to sit down with the therapist psychodramatist otherwise and can talk about whatever difficulties that were encountered and what might work better find a new way to approach a problem so we may have Psychotherapy and I'm just thinking how many of us who are listening
going to psychotherapy going to counseling to speak to someone about what's going on in your life sometimes very Spirit you know what I'm saying because I know this shirt covering an intimate be back on the menu going to therapy you work with you got to be a relationship thinking about this but they're also thinking I don't want anybody to know there's something wrong with me you know can you elaborate on that well I think that's the person who developed the Syrian Sochi on a treat and he did not necessarily believe in
the diagnosing real Message Board looking for a better way he believed that we were incredibly resilient we're stronger than we know
I think it's my opinion and I believe it was Moreno's opinion Jacob leaving the right now he was the person who actually started group psychotherapy
coined the word back
I believe that we become sick in the company of people that we heal best in the company of people will become upset in the company people and will heal best me company people
what a psychotherapist has is really true. Velop a trusting relationship we called at the therapeutic relationship this is precious something that can always be done
that feeling of trust with a therapist might find another one so there's a therapeutic relationship and then the second part really where the works with you if I can get a person who willingly
look at what they have avoided looking at what they have refused to look at or resistant to work at to look at then we can take that thing and look at it talk about it they're stronger for having done that make sense
when you talk about the therapeutic relationship therapist you know that we feel that we're also helping our healthy Village
thank you again when they're out there for the weather or whether it's you know with family members
develop and learn what is a
what you you mentioned at the beginning of the show love it helping people to love their life there's so much talk anymore in the world to me about sex politics and so many things feared how do you define love this is a very personal things to something that is developed for each individual Justice we are very very unique there's no other doctor April Brown ground to the world your concept of what love is is very unique to you probably one of the more
I would say the height most high highly clinical
descriptions are definitions of love was coined by a doctor Michael Lukens American psychologist from the University of Massachusetts and he called it CB I committed committed benevolent interest that was his definition of the first fight
yes so talking about
I need some neck so I'm thinking
it has to be with the person but also absolutely look at how many people that we may have met in our our long career sign I know he's practicing for many years and they would say there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for my son for my daughter for my mother my father and of course the way that they say that the spontaneity of the words come out very power place you know that's true what would you do for yourself you have the same you know we'll do people struggle with that love of himself and lifestyle Chair workout not say negative things about themselves
it only one time in my in my 20 some years 22 years professionally I think I was working for hospice and there was a passing of a mother since she left behind two boys and 8 daughters and whatever to the house she was here in Florida with some real floor and down there just wasn't enough room in the house to for a salt to sit around and talk and so they set up chairs out in this like I feel shut out there in the morning sunshine here in Florida in the one daughter mentioned never heard mother say an unkind word about anyone
the conversation went on for like a half hour that is a struggle in a mansion that imagine someone whose commitment was to see the best in others to not give voice to the negativity
I'm a believer that commitment really start early model what they see
what they feel
you may you may remember to come school there's but I don't think anybody become so therapist without studying a little bit of Jean Piaget see if it a lot of work with sick human morality where does it come from from my reading from my understanding they didn't even think of himself as the psychologist of course he was but he was trying to reconcile
religious beliefs spiritual beliefs and science that is was his life's work I mean he wrote that and he said children morality comes from playing games and you know it's true about girls playing jump open in one of the girls holding the ropes decides to go faster than the other that's not fair
if a child has is not playing Fair they won't play with them again in life sometimes we get so serious we don't play as much as we need to take a little break and when we come back here would like to see the devil in interest
and of course how that relates to therapy and building that relationship and white soap and I'll spread today I would like to understand that many of you guys are extremely busy and other family members of workers but have you ever felt like you just going to the emotion and look around you don't know how you got this point I feel stuck and I see many people like this like the game of life like you don't know what you're doing so if this is you and you're struggling with connecting intimately with your true self how can you start
well the first thing and we kind of mention a little bit in the show it's being aware of that internal stop because then it motion picture
you think you're not good enough
and you feel so insecure and that can be a main reason why you're not being so active are all things that my grandma used to make chunky monkey you you really have to divorce is the voice change the channel to negatively simply means don't think or say negative things about yourself
the environment regulus but do you say it is going to be with you for the rest of your life if you want more information about how to do that I'm going to my website. Maple Brown., call Apple whatever and we can talk and figure out how I'm at they go back into the show if any of you guys have any questions or anything please give us a call at 888-6767 now as we are going back and we just talked about it and explain that love CBI right
what time does dr. Michael Lukens yes committed benevolent interest
I don't even know what that means what is that like I said in my opinion a highly clinical description of what love is benevolence is a word that that describes our willingness to do good for someone else may be helping out the the people who just experienced this tragic hurricane that those are benevolent thoughts I would like to help and if I could help you know I seen myself is feeling better feeling of well-being to help these other people this is a very very humid quality to have
Love's in pants with fire
Shepherd versus another one of those words that really isn't you know that world knowing what do you think about going to work your sacrificing your time for the money or the reward whatever it might be that will come to you from the sacrifices part of great religious tradition benevolence the gods goddesses
show that the first known gods that were the Sumerian gods and if I'm not correct about the merrier and some of those gods were very tricky people there were those were very benevolent towards human beings can you like go get it
the devil inside I think there's a wonderful feeling of well-being that comes from it
something that I use a lot I think the feeling of Love is a feeling of well-being imagine when you were growing and you went to the drawer before you went to school when your mother had your your favorite top there and then you had that pair of jeans that just fit you well you liked it and you put on your tennis shoes and then she went to school and you walk through the hallways you just felt better so big it was those things that they gave you
you know they look good
does she have a question
and someone is wondering
is the great thing and get these feelings but you know my life is going on
I'm afraid my marriage is falling apart
another has been treating me well and work has been going like this don't have any energy
problems are safe places in the person who we are with you know they're their there for us we are there for them so they say what can I do about it because the love that you're describing they feel like they can't give anymore and they don't know if they're ever going to receive your isn't it and in that that fears part of our world in in huge measure these days somebody perception my experience
we have to be able to confront these for years and this is where the therapist comes in you know what do you think of therapy it's it's this is a very Newfield think that the first clinical social workers came around nineteen thirty-two that's my understanding as a result of the Great Depression the first Mental Health Counselors like myself 1974 I mean Psychiatry really had its burst in on the Advent of the first world war when they were assessing whether people were incapable of taking others lives this is a new field so who filled those roll beforehand French people who you felt comfortable and trusted that you can look at things that you don't want to look at your callers is very right this is difficult when you feel that some this this love relationship this relationship doesn't feel benevolent anymore
a wise woman told me one time that you know in a marriage and in a relationship one person may will be working harder than the other person at some point and then the other person has two to come in but the commitment to be with each other for to look at these difficult things find a solution how do you know if someone
well I think they're certainly in her in a marriage should call her to find herself as being
therapist there's the promise of a commitment just in in saying I want to spend the rest of my life with you it should go through the rituals and you know the things married couples face amount of on the way life is not easy
I have your woman if I can just tell us storage mode I love story
she was talking to me about the difficulties Express near Lipa night recalled a Mary Oliver poem one of my favorite poet and I said would you like to hear it be she said no I just want to be happy happy
we need to have courage we need to be patient at least of the virtues the keeper of these virtues historically have always been
they've always been recorded by the scribes who were committed to
religion
right now we're seeing kind of an assault on those dates is being superstitious goes gods and goddesses and deities that have been with you would being forever I mean April there has never been a civilization been Unearthed by archaeologists set that haven't had some form of the least know that they were fine and what it was was the embodiment of something benevolent something that was good something was committed to us and in doing that deity they had courage
commitment
love kindness patience understanding and forgiveness when you look at the Christian tenants I think that it could be said that Jesus only taught about free things one God love and forgiveness is being waited that long
previously talked about fear and so is that continuance between United States are we resistant the word I would rather be with you highlighted before many times we have to be
and have that stress
another word mammal on the face of the Earth or resilience that we are we are stronger than we know just the facts miracle that we are here some I don't know if she'll adjust your saying that
homo sapiens have been around for 300,000 years between 3 and 4 here recently that's a long time and you said it was stronger than we think we are thinking about going to therapy for thinking that if I go to therapy on it's a sign of
well I think that's just a stigma and at that comes about because historically
being seen as weak as bad but I think you could say right now our experience over the last Maybe
60 years is that weakness is good you know we're stronger than we know and if you wanted to come in and then to sit down and have somebody give you all the answers to miss something very valuable you're going to miss the answers that you yourself have for you I mean every individual that I've ever sat down there get a PhD and they're like oh no sir light better than they do given the opportunity to ask them themselves the question to hear themselves say I don't know whether she might say to your own son or daughter start with what you do know
and let's take the time to think about it
it's like asking someone what do you love about yourself
baby the only reason that they cannot answer those questions quickly if they're not in their heart and in their mind quick to their lips and they simply haven't thought about it very much I've got a lot of words ending it's a break you were talking about this
this voice inside of a state judge they sometimes call at this critical cell that that's a part of the human experience but
if we do not confront these things we we will we will simply have more more words that are negative we will not be able to come we have Solutions Solutions are made that are not made by hiding something have to be confronted the surface we can force people to do the same willing to look at what it is that they don't want to look at a deficit
bikes like you're saying how did the fart
but inside of us that negative stuff that's inside what is it would be the third letter in that third letter
play on this commercial break here I would like you to do the float know what you do I will people can find you tell us about Center psychosomatic. It's a study as soon as his life as as everything else have a group specialist board-certified psychodramatist and the way I have a Private Practice Center for second study set that has largely individual work
I love to bring people together Community imagine people that experience grief or lost lost, that they love and they come together with shared experiences in to talk about these things things that have been too painful to read and think about and after while they develop the relationships with other people who had the same experiences they compare the notes how long in the same all I am different and in in the work clinically I've done group work I think clinically would save the people who are suffering from addiction to one for another
find out if they're not alone you're not unique in that particular way and that other people have me say since you share their struggles and triumphs
I think the human beings we need to do we need to
create we need to overcome and every time we do we become stronger so I had this practice we taking we have groups and individual it some she said before it's the center for psychodramatic study 1404 Del Prado Boulevard South Suite 135 it's the quality Counseling Services building adventure adventure
how to make it in contact with computer
will have phone number 239-887-6217
or they can go to www. Peter covert. Com
we would be glad to set an appointment to organize group and look at some of the things that you are facing down days
awesome yes yes so Peter as we've been talking about something Channel conflict up riding thing it's another part of this portion is kind of cabinets
well I tell you if it's required something could just basic to humankind and it's it's interest interested it is very simple it is not in my perception it is not this clinical you know
mumble jumble of words we all have something that we are interested in and if we can look through those things make it look it up in the morning have a cup of coffee that's a preference such an interest organizing one so you know some people have a very difficult time getting themselves organized you know making a list of what needs to be done during the day to my way of thinking at all show Origins
we are able to do or not to
if we have made a habit of pervasive pattern of behavior we have made a habit of not doing things for others procrastination
the sign of Interest or non interest
this is something that
we we have to assume things to look at what is it that I want for my precious life what is it that I might be suited I mean I'm certain that everyone in in the listeners out there he probably work for someone that they just did not like but that experience was like a rite of passage that experience taught us things
we are going to confront problems life is not there never been there I don't know of any other philosophers of ancient religion that is easy it's not
because that's where our greatest teaching is come from
interest requires us to sit down and think about it and it's best if we can do that with someone else there's actually a physiological difference in the way we think when we are forming words and speaking to another person
I think it's just made it that the human mind in a day's time we'll have some 70,000 thoughts can get a little sound bytes of information come and go that's not going to punch you get to the point you don't know start with what you do know and then start working towards a solution a new way of looking at a particular problem
interest in a jeep like an argument with another person because many times but the alliance has not been listening we know that you are the expert
so many times when you're talking and we'll help you talk about you say it out if you claim it by that. Sometimes we don't want something else to go along with that the vocabulary about love there's not a lot of beautiful love song I'm not hearing about some of the pop radio stations I had the opportunity to drive to the airport with the helpful young people that were listening to music and they said do you want me to change that I said no you do you like that music I'm looking to hear any mention of Law and of course there was not in it
if that isn't interested loving is part of an interesting if you ever felt that that beautiful feeling of well-being in Duel of something to keep that is something to cultivate and
the thing that will diminish that love are the problems of life life is not easy there's going to be rejection there's going to be
people say you don't belong
sometimes you to sit down with the patience to tell me a time when you know you belong and have them go back a smile on your face at night they tell some story in its beautiful tell me when you have been accepted for the task what was that like what was that these These are the ways the bread crumbs to bring people back to normal state
that we have to fight
for such as our happiness for good for a Keurig has the ability to forgive others you know other people if they just got this this pile of stuff on forgiveness that they have not forgiven them shop and a referral to go to therapy to print to go through that list of those things and take the one by one and discussed and what can we learn from these things you know the Ancients are a lot of words rhyming words for depression Deerfield
I hope that the ancient Greeks had a word for the person that called it and how do near we still use it today a loss of interest in pleasurable activities interest there it is again how do we reclaim an interest with social beings we talked about
yeah and you know I do all this by myself into existence but then we came on this Earth connection of somebody usually a mom and husband to this Sheena world
we have to talk to you connected so that's why it's so important to the greatest characteristic that human beings have ever developed this language cannot tell you how many times I have met with people who were confused in the problems that they were facing simply because they did not have the words to articulate to express themselves clearly that's another Value Inn in the therapeutic relationship that you said before she's to listen to a person and then to try to articulate what it is I am hearing them say them to watch the people that smile, yes yes that's it that human validation do not have the vocabulary
Mercedes sex but I feeling we know when things are exciting dealing with no love that's the only emotion that won't kill us if you don't enjoy Joy my joy is so easily accessible to things like gratitude grateful for what it is that we have so much to say
Giving Up So Much Information which is which is what we talked about. You do realize that you're not the only one that's perfect
but nothing no such thing as great great great everything once you realize that nothing is perfect and many times you're able.
You know when you look in the back but you know but you're awesome no internet connection with your children with your significant other is the ability
forgiveness is one of those words it's very Loosely used nowadays the language Jesus was was Aramaic that was kind of a that it's interesting it's it's something that started all seminars and in the Seminary even to this day Alexander the Great conquered the known World never got over data label the World As We Knew It and he asked very little people teach your children Greek and the language that are rose from that was there a man and of course after Alexander died there was some chaos and then Rome can being what did the Romans think they built roads so you had a Common Language fairly, and then you had Jesus know who Muhammad
call the only perfect man we minimize some of these religions nowadays and no we cannot they they they kept the truth and that's what was so important to them but remember
the language for the word for forgiveness Aramaic had to work for the Forgiveness it was us and what it was beautiful between distended in the extender and God saw it had three people there and the oath which we will never speak of this again so what do you think of that you know what she said on that the one brake how are self talk to be so detrimental to us as we just constantly go over you know I was a children's therapist for 7 years and the children taught me something they said they dislike two things the most about parents and number one were screamers you know what groups are working with terrorists I used to stand up on the carpet guys watch the startle reflex in adults
brought up the patch it'll my dad brought to the shopping with my gosh I was like two years ago it's just like a million years for a child and the Ancients believed if you forgive somebody you canceled the debt you didn't go home and talk to your wife or your husband about it it was dead 2 release over you will not breathe life into
something that bothers me a little bit and it seems and so when people going to treatment that they've got another therapist to talk about the Character defects so you know what is wrong with them haven't we been over that enough
let's look at what is right with us
and when you think about how long it took for a child to learn to write their name in cursive or to tie their shoe or to braid their hair and everything we learn and learn to practice
and we have mastered many many thing I think it's safe to say there's probably more bright with this than it's ever been wrong I think you hurt you very clearly that a child will learn more in the first six years of life and they will and tire rest of their life
we are very strong we are a lot stronger than we know and then that's that's my Approach
one of the things that you let it go to give us and we come back about three strategies to learn to let go out there listening at 4 to get my name is Doctor and one of the things that I wanted to start you let you guys know about is not call Big Jason Thompson something new that will be doing next summer vacation counseling as if you're a couple and you're out there when you're struggling and into the nothing to feel like it you and your significant other or not at the same
spotted you guys were before and you make me happy that you want to talk about how many confidence vacation counseling will be opening up next to you and Kate are and what we will be doing is offering us a any vacation went out and we will be providing therapy we're at the vacation rental by the week in about 15 hours for the week 27 hours summer and if you're interested in not 2nd Ave application
alright so cheater as we're wrapping up and we done the right thing about intimacy and life everything we talked about love and right now we're talking a little bit about forgiveness and letting go many times there will be the best person so we are listening about letting you know before trying to get into that I'd like to
say something about sorrow and being sorrow.
You know the ancient Greeks that said that the Greeks believed that said this was about letting go or trying to get back something that's been lost you try to bring something back that is gone or letting something go now this this sounds very reduction is to sounds great simple like this is no big deal it is a big deal because if we do not face the sorrow and and think about that we we can find the target what is this actually about and then we can learn from it and I think that is the most
highly prized goal of any stain any sorrowful moment what is it that I can learn so that I don't do this again so I have increased my understanding
and most importantly I have exerted courage to look at something that's painful I am stronger than I was before
in working with Spears all the other people who were afraid of everything was afraid of needles and you know it stemmed from as a child going to the dentist office but this this young man was going to have dental work for tooth extraction that's in did not want anything to do with me or something
in in in another case talk a wonderful woman that the Tampa Bay hypnotherapy throw plug out there in a course that does app there are people who are capable of doing that that is our mind that is our mind this this thing between your shoulders it's very very powerful wheel powder and if we were willing to confront the problems that we have without just a hopeless self car conversations talking about how weak we are how this is impossible I'll never be able to there's nothing we have to employ our ability to
once we understand it
which we understand what I came about how to avoid these things in the future we can live in life with greater well-being greater commitment to solving our problems
I served in the military in the Vietnam War and there were things we were asked to do in the Navy that we don't think we can do the really work no choice we had to
that was life it's the same thing that we have to face
some of these things are very very uncomfortable
baby walrus needed someone to sit down and help you with that I'm not against antidepressants
some of these benzodiazepines
we are kind of society that requires a quick fix right now and for some of these things it may be quick but we're going to have to sit down at base what it is
the father sets in order to let it go
now you can set something on the table for a while it's just like with you know the person who's afraid of everything you get them to move a little bit closer here's a picture of a needle Latin that exam or somebody's afraid of heights he will just think about going up to the top of this building we call it kind of is desensitization but you know we have to keep moving because each time we do we are stronger
Jamaican stomach stomach and letting go
it's a process that's been with us since the beginning of our history such a written one different spiritual leaders. And now they know each other lives in a good way and learning complex so if you go through therapy therapy trust relationship and you may have to move more than one
and so as our listeners are out there listening not be afraid therapy no one really has no but it's the way for you to go meet someone talk and just for you and you can share and bounce ideas that are built in 1998 and in private practices 2005 so I can buy a sleeping with me. It's just it's a safe environment here and thank you so much for letting us with all this information you say it again how can people connect with you give us your phone number and your email what's going on
did you grab my phone number is 239-887-6217 Center for second romantic study and welcome hearing from you the website yet www.com
ber.com that's right thank you Peter