feeling lost and alone looking for validation from your partner only to find the feeling of rejection and continued frustration your together yet so far apart now your frustration is turned into disdain and resentment your insecurities have begun to affect every aspect of your life ironically you have now become the cold and detached one shielding yourself from the uncertainties of your relationships dr. April Brown has created bringing intimacy bag a series of discussions that are designed to help you reclaim what you have lost along the way dr. April will help you ReDiscover and reconnect to the intimate relationship your heart so desires go to www. Bringing intimacy back.com today and let the healing begin
hey welcome to bring intimacy back show where intimacy is real on this shell we ain't help you increase the intimate connections between you and your significant other children family relationships and your higher power we give you the secret power to intimacy to create a life you love or love the life you create
most of us are dealing with covid-19 until I want to bring topics that relate to that and today was talking about Collective Greece doing covid-19 Minneapolis of experiencing so many different types of glasses so I was research and I was very very blessed to find someone who specializes in there and so I want to introduce you guys to talk to Carly Spanish Hi. The Kylie how are you doing today going to be here but let me tell you guys all about what she's about what she does and why she's coming on today to talk about it and Tessa provide us but she's dedicated to helping people do transformational growth and healing after loss she actually suffered from the top from a stillbirth a loss of her first
child Norbit and because of that Kylie kind of was what kind of she did co-create the emmy-nominated film Return To Zero which was the film about her life to break the silence in take away the stigma around pregnancy and infant loss for parents around the world and found was a total success like I said it was actually an Emmy nominated them and it received critical Acclaim that led her to a nonprofit organization that she called Return To Zero hope when she's advocates for a guiseley family in reclaiming their purpose meaning and healing after such a tragic loss so she now currently works with Private Client to empower them growing Healthy Life Changes challenges and deals with a lot of grief issue so I wanted to let you know about her background and when she does and we're going to I'm having
conversation about Collective doing covid-19 thank you for being in the Shell no thank you for having me yes definitely
so my first question to you is just kind of I know I just explain your your background and very quick amount of a second can you tell me about your journey to leave work sure
why Saint Norbert was still born in 2005 so I had recently gotten married gotten pregnant I had a very uneventful pregnancy and I was 35 weeks pregnant I went into labor early so as for those of you not familiar with weeks of a pregnancy so you're the normal gestational time. Is 40 weeks so I was about a month away from having a baby and I went into labor and I learned that his heart has stopped beating and we later learned that this was due to a liver cyst that had developed into the late third trimester it was never detected it burst causing him to die
and
I had a pretty horrendous experiences with the doctor in the hospital at the hospital staff just really receiving no guidance on what was going to happen What We were supposed to do just nothing you're still kind of like throwing out to the lions like here good luck and I've learned so much since then. You can do to make this even though it's a horrible traumatic experience make it better and beautiful but I did not respond very well I I just was like in shock I was numb for 6 months we did have a daughter who is born a little over a year later, but then I develop postpartum PTSD which was undiagnosed and untreated so I just was like constant panic attacks hyper-vigilant all the time
and and for about 9 years both of us just kind of we were in survival mode and the pain lessens with time but it it just like we never dealt with it we try to see different therapists we aren't trained in perinatal mental health and they don't understand. A loss it's it's hard because they don't get the nuances of the experience but then in 2014 to our losses 2005 so 9 years later my husband he wrote produced directed
the film Return To Zero so he's a filmmaker and as an artist with the always his family he was always the director of different mediums different film mediums but he really felt this like this is the story that needs to be told there isn't anything out there visually Stone about this experience and so he wrote a script he cast Minnie Driver to play the lead you raise the money and made this as an independent job so that was a kind of a whirlwind but in it was interesting like in the making of the film and at the film was launched into the world there was so many other bereaved parents
around the world who just felt so validated in their own experience that like someone hears me someone understands me I'm not so alone and isolated because that's what really happens in grief and Trauma is that you are dilated and so that came out and then at the same time I started doing hosting Retreats for bereaved mother's wit experience pregnancy or infant loss and I hadn't done my own healing work up to that point I'd never been to a retreat I've never hosted the retreat but I felt called the idea came in the shower and knowing that like I wasn't necessarily right person to be like talking like I know everything but I was chosen to hold the space that powers higher Powers could work I'm through me and through
Michael facilitators to reach these women and the women need to be in community with it with each other so that's kind of how I got started but it was me
being willing to be vulnerable and face my grease where I didn't do this for so long I just shut it out cuz I didn't know what to do with it my to the community you said that they needed to be in Adrena T that's what created The Return To Zero hope it's a community nonprofit organization after I've been doing the Retreats for about 4 years I knew that I wanted more than just the Retreats and so I created the organization you know do you know for Community Wellness specific type of loss for education and awareness around it both to breathe parents and health providers as well because they don't receive training and their education around tearing it a lot for the most part so they can't help parents unless they eat they receive information on how to better support them and that's wonderful. Cheeks
Community because the many times people are isolated I feel like isolating and the same thing with this covid-19 you know people are feeling isolated about it and today's topic is about collected three can you tell us exactly what exactly does that mean
Castle
looking at Collective grief it's like looking at our society is undergoing
is extremely rapid and unwanted change and there is this is like all of a sudden everything is disrupted our routines or social structure or economics picture
it's very disorienting and and it's like there's the certainty and familiarity is gone is a loss of human connection with a lot of space and Toad together like we are grieving the loss of all of these different types of thing and there's more losses than I just named but isn't like in some cases if there's a natural disaster or a certain traumatic event that happens it's usually isolated to specific Community or a geographic area but in this case covid-19 is global and it's impacting everyone everywhere at the same time and and so I think we're all feeling this these losses together and it's it's a very strange time and hasn't really happened before like this because we are so connected globally where we haven't been in the past
and other events like you did talk about it's like one countries doing something of this and that and there's some people that can help but now we're all experiencing yeah yeah yeah I need so it's kind of helping each other through this whole process
yeah and and I think that when there's such uncertain Z we don't know what to do really and I think that people out there are trying we can all make suggestions right but there is such uncertainty and what something we we all started out as though this is a 2 week stay at home shut down the extended two more weeks now I'm in LA and it's what we're still at stay-at-home through the end of July and some places are opening up but it's not temporary it's it's kind of become like a new normal but with a lot of Str dancer since he makes it so anxious you know
go ahead say that the forced isolation from other people I think that even though like I'm an introvert I like my alone time I need to recharge but when this is forced on us and we are not able to have that Schumann in person connection to underestimate how powerful that is and without that like there's a lot of loneliness a lot of depression going on in addition to the anxiety over the Insurgency going to this show it's about intimacy because
we are born being connected to someone you know I mean yes and I'm other wounds and so when we don't have that connection whether it's a quiz about parents are spousal friends or whatever and I can understand I'm an introvert myself that it's sometimes it is because very lonely
yeah yeah yeah cuz that aspect is that make sense
yeah it makes total sense you know where we're physically isolating from each other we're in a time of collective trauma and a lot of different types of lost is going on and I'm not even I'm not even mentioning the losses of lives which is a whole nother layer it's like grief over death which people are having to
say goodbye to people
in ways that are not normal like that they aren't able to go and be with the person as they pass away and say their goodbyes and that's not normal so what is that doing to our you know our grieving rituals like there are grieving patterns like we can't do things in the traditional way that were used to doing them and we're in a society that's a really uncomfortable with gas and so you're adding those things together just like you don't know what to make of it and like you said earlier about letting you know I mean you knows and you know I'm for you no grief and funerals is that the zoom thing it's just it's
yeah yeah and without Nike said the closeness of the touch and really make things quite complicated
that I didn't like my family members who are losing somebody who can Comfort them you know if no one can touch each other right
so it's
it's really hard it is really hard and it and I think there's some of us who've experienced a lot of loss and stuff it triggers other emotions it should get stuff from the past and I know your own profit organization. You know focus is the loss of children and stuff so, this is getting compounded on it cuz it's bringing stuff cuz I hear from clients that they're leaving your husband annamaet died 10 years ago it's coming back you know I'm so alone I really do miss them but whatever the case maybe yes
absolutely so it's you know this trauma will
resurface traumas get from the past because it's like that you start feeling feelings that connect you to that past experience and then the type of feeling is connected about memory and we don't ever fully process anything it isn't like you process it and deal with it and it's over and so it's like another layer resurfacing and from that passed, or loss and what is it showing you that you
maybe you need to look at right now but it can be overwhelming when it's you're going through this currently and then it's triggering something from the one or more things from the past and we don't know what to do with that and then if we can't be with people in person
what are the what are the tools that were using to call Mar nervous system down feel grounded
in receive the support we need my definitely looking to take a short break and then when we come back we're going to talk about this process of dealing with emotions and feelings and then later on get into the tool of how we can each individually use some of these tools to help us in the process of feeling so going to take a short break right now and then when we come back we're going to get into the conversation of collective Gray
during this difficult time that we are all facing
many people are in need of someone to talk to
when option is speaking to a therapist to express your anxieties if you're feeling isolated or just need someone that will listen and help you with coping skills to get through
dr. April Brown is now accepting new clients and is working with her existing clients through distance video counseling the services are through a secure online HIPAA based practice management platform called Simple practice this technology can provide a secure two-way interactive video counseling session over the internet
good morning formation about video counseling please email dr. April Brown at info at dr. April Brown
dot-com or you may call 239-565-6921 thank you and remember we are all in this together
welcome back to the bringing its Mysteries show where intimacy is real and today we've been talking about Collective grief in dealing with covid-19 and we have a wonderful guest with us Kelly and Kelly is helping us talk about it and discuss about it it's a timely as we would just ending that conversation that we're moving now many people don't even know when they were experiencing grief
how does that even look like
I think it can creep in on you a little bit and not know what's going on and so
I would say that
there are multiple expressions of grief that it's not just feeling sad that equals grease it can be things like
maybe you have looking at the physical symptoms nausea a headache maybe in the end ability to sleep you have insomnia or maybe you're sleeping all the time you're hungry a lot or you're not hungry at all so those are some of the physical symptoms you can have looking at like your
emotions and mental state
what's your ability to concentrate like what's your ability to find Jolie and things and enjoy things that you're doing
it could be crying a lot there's a lot of different expressions of grief
I think that first of all ready as I mentioned like we live in a culture that's pretty uncomfortable with grief and Trauma and loss and so we have the tendency when we having uncomfortable feelings that are not normal for us on a daily basis to push them aside
and just say like I don't want to feel like this is uncomfortable I'm going to put it over here later on a lock it in this room
and when we do that it doesn't go away it's there like you have to deal with it and so in that case you're pushing away it will come out in other ways it'll come out in physical manifestations sometimes getting sick or eggs and things like that maybe you know like looking at are you using alcohol or other substances to that part of you that's too overwhelming are you not meaning it are you able to function in your daily life so are you taking care of your like able to do basic like feet yourself are you sleeping sleep is a huge indicator of how you're doing I think we underestimate that but I do think healthy grieving
is allowing yourself to really feel what you're feeling and doing this without judgment saying like I'm stealing really crappy right now this hurts this is I don't know what it is but allowing yourself to really be in it and then being and it allows us to pass through a lot of the times you know like you have to allow it to be and you have to process it and my talking to other people I think doing this in isolation is not the key is like there has to be some share the burden of it so you feel less isolated but really if we if we aren't afraid of the big scary feelings then it will allow for the grease to move through US rather than getting stuck if you're locking and closet it will get stuck and it will manifest in different ways
yeah I noticed that sometimes it's manifested and people getting super angry you know you know verbally aggression or whatever yes he has always manifested where I'm like you said the loneliness years so tired or you're just sleeping all the time and people are and she said they're sometimes scared of that box
you know and I'm sure he's out there like a long-term inside in and short term effects if you have two spots of feelings and emotions and you like I'm just not going to do it I'm just going to push through just going to push through
I think the long-term effects of not dealing with your grief or trauma like it will come out somehow it's going to be different for other people is coming out in mental health anxiety depression Panic that type of stuff you can be coming out of as anger and irritability it has an impact on your relationship with other people that are be your spouse partner your children your family friends
it could come out and physical ways that you like to be getting sick all the time you could have unexplained autoimmune diseases that pop off because I think that that is an expression it's just emotions that are not being dealt with
right right and I'm I know from your story and I'm going on today to your site that you do offer variety of different services and sell for those people who have been listening and maybe they're like me and I've experienced these I've experienced that and I've gone for help but I don't feel like I'm getting that help
how do you know when you're actually starting to work on
what you need to work on
when is ice pink in a
MS support situation whether it's a peer support group is an option right so like I think in a peer support group having the feeling of like oh I finally the long and they understand what I'm going through or has been through and feeling like you can learn something from like people at different stages how are they coping that himself but also like the professionals Portland like do you feel that you're getting help from the professional that you're seeing a therapist or counselor I think to find the right match sometimes it sometimes takes a little bit of time of interviewing people and and if you're dealing with grief and Trauma making sure that that person really feels that they're an expert or a semi expert in that and if that's not their focus and you need to find somebody
because I think in my own experience if you're seeing someone that. That's not their expertise it's not really going to hurt you but it may hurt you like then we tell you things really you don't even understand what I've been through and so in terms of making progress like are you
number one letting some of those big feelings in and letting yourself kind of experience them and release them like letting them move through you and
and starting to make small changes is always with small changes right like it's not like you can change everything big all at once it's like little things but little tweaks in the way that you're doing things or the way that you see things I think someone
helping you to have compassion for yourself as your you know to do this in a non judging way cuz we're so hard on ourselves right and lumber Lake not perfect and why am I dealing with this and so it's like okay this is what I'm going through and who can be kind of have your back as you answer this really scary space and can they be a guide for you and I think our silly like that one of the biggest thing in both aspects of support whether it's a peer group support or a professional support is like you need someone to be a guide in this specially when when it involves brace and Trauma to normalize what's going on and make you feel like like you're not crazy so I think sometimes we do feel like I'm going crazy I'm all alone I can't tell anyone what I'm thinking or feeling and
and we need someone to stay like that's really normal and just totally fine for what you're going through normal common because we've been talking about opening up these feelings and you mention a dollar part about self talk
you know give me a sign to feel this stuff and we're talking about opening up the box and how it's okay but sometimes we tell us stuff you know it's not okay you should be strong enough to handle you know why you crying because you know you know please. I college of top of these thoughts that are not had sometimes can be a little bit of damaging do I said we have to like you said give us give ourselves away and it's okay yeah definitely so I'm going to take a small break here and it smells like I kind of would like to hear from you exactly on your services are the things that you do and then we come back we're going to I'm talk about tools for a people out there dealing with Collective Gray highlights
where at so I am I offer I offer different types of services for different types of situations so personally I do one on one work with people going through traumatic events recent loss and big life transitions to help them really process what's going on normalize it and help them understand what's common what's not help them to make meaning out of there their loss Experian whether it's loss of a like a boss or just a big change it could be a marriage a job I move things falling apart and being thrown off making meaning finding hope through that experience and understanding that these can be opportunities for growth but you can't do it alone so
so that's what I offer on a one-on-one level and then for people dealing with the loss of a baby whether it's during pregnancy or infancy or toddlerhood through the nonprofit we offer a lot of more Education Services & group support so we have like a Facebook a closed Facebook group focus on growth and healing after this type of loss we do a virtual support group we have a YouTube channel we host Retreats will not at the moment but when we can travel again and we do education for health providers as well around
turn it a loss so kind of depends who you are and what you're looking for but we offer a variety of services awesome and they can meet you dr. Callahan Ash and the website is Dr Kylie her first name k a i l e y and Ash last name h a n i s h. Com and of course the nonprofit that she's talking about where the organization called Return To Zero hope and that website is RTC hope.org will give up more of that information of course toward the end of the segment if anyone he's out there listening and you have a question please feel free to let us know or you want to call and I'll number is 888-627-6008 okay so as we've been talking right now in Cloud toolbox and
let's talk with giving people tools on if you're starting to experience some of these things you cannot sleep maybe you cannot eat what should we listen tools to help people who were dealing with some of these events in their lives and they just don't know you know the Box is open they starting to fail what do I do that cat so I would start by giving yourself Grace knowledge that this is happening is happening to me made me miss feeling maybe journaling so I think naming something decreases some of its power
asss it's just something you're feeling and we don't even know what it is it's like us too much but then if we say like I'm feeling afraid of whatever it is I'm afraid that I lost my job and I won't be able to pay my rent or I'm afraid that my parents are going to get sick and die whatever it is trying to be really specific and doing this on a regular basis to just get it out of your head and your body onto something exactly because that's everyday people get yourself around when they don't need a man but you said name in that actually gives you more power and I don't think you have to be aware of clinical terms either like using normal terms like I'm afraid of this I'm excited about this I'm
I'm sad for this reason that I didn't get to participate in you know what I like my wedding. Cancel whatever it is it's it's really just use everyday vocabulary and then what's going on I'm allowing yourself to have those feelings without judgement so it's like if you can name it right and allow yourself to experience those feelings
is it okay for me to grieve if I place the ceremony that I can participate in my high school graduation or should I not be absolutely
I don't think it's fair to anyone to compare types of losses right now it's not it's not like oh my loss is worse than your lost and unlost might be worse than someone else's lost but it's all relative to use individual the way that you experience a loss and so forth for one person the loss of their graduation ceremony is going to be different than another person is really however you're feeling is is what you're feeling and that's what you have to honor inside of you and that there are a lot of different types of losses that that rain
all the way from Death being the worst you know all down and it just there different so yes absolutely the loss of attending you know for act like high schoolers and their graduation ceremony people not being able to get married you know a lot of I know IVF people doing IVF treatment have had to stop that and just like the Insurgency and not be able to engage in that and different surgeries that may have been scheduled different things like I know I like the plan we like to plan right we have our vision for the future and everything is just been not only canceled but you can't even plan so the uncertainty of when can I do this again
so once you honor it and you say okay it's okay I'm feeling you know angry or upset because I lost maybe a job and I don't know what I'm going to do what else what you connect
I think there's two things simultaneously so one thing is getting support So this could look like a variety of things rather its can I get support from a friend or family member has someone to talk to right so you're not isolated it could be a peer support I mean right now that's going to be all virtual but
are there are there groups meeting on a virtual level that are talking about the type of grease that you're experiencing so that's another thing and so that could be I mean so many people are doing things personally right now it's a little bit overwhelming but can you find the specific issue that you're dealing with so there could be that there could be a therapist who are hosting therapeutic support groups online so it's maybe it's it's not specific to an issue but thing a therapist is like I'm going to just find a group to support my patience for dealing with losses from
that person can act as a guide
to just hold space for you to Degreaser process and then I think the other side of at the same time you need to realize in addition does your support and attention to what are my what's my current support system light in this time so who can I count on to talk to what are things that are good in my life what are positive things that are going well right now what what grounds me what brings me joy
so it's kind of trying to be mean instead of only focus on the negative lost focusing on the positive part and nothing you even have to be completely grateful like you can you can't go to the Gratitude route with some kind of like I just don't want to feel gratitude right now but I think just again naming it bringing awareness to what things are going right it's not all completely bad and that list could be short I ate just depends but it could be little things like I'm grateful that it's a sunny day today I'm grateful that I have fresh fruits and vegetables and grateful that I stopped last night things like that so
can I see what I was going to say meditation and focusing on the brass can be helpful as well meditation has been proven to really
help regulate the mind and bring you into the present moment out of your racing mind
yeah I'm going back to the heart of getting so poor I was just thinking that's really also good because like for some people they may be grieving the loss of their kids not going to school you never get schools online now yes and then that's just and when you get support with other people who are experiencing the same thing sometimes she did new ideas
on how to cope with
fat loss
yeah you don't feel alone you feel like of someone else understands what I'm going through and yeah people sharing ideas of so this is help me and oh I do this then even finish one idea can be helpful to you it's it's one thing that you can change and incorporates oh yeah for sure a couple of different ideas is you trying to get support from a friend or a husband or whatever the case may be and you're not getting that support you shouldn't stop
Define
coming out
yeah an understanding that one person like that your spouse isn't able to fulfill every role for you and certain friends have certain strengths and who can you count on like who is the person that can be there for you to listen to you and they're not all going to they're not all going to fill that role but yeah definitely like an end also maybe you only need one person but maybe it's you know you sharing your loss and burdens isn't only put on one person to it's right out between different people in like can you have different people that are in your support network that kind of build that your holistic house 18
who's in your system
is there a difference between telling your friend and your spouse or someone you know versus joining a support group and telling a stranger or therapist you find that there is any kind of
benefits differences
but I think that like within a support group setting you're going to have people to understand you may be better than someone who has been through what you've been through
you know and yeah and you get ideas for how to cope and manage what's going on and then the serapis also I would say hopefully understand you is kind of like a non-judgmental guide and I and hopefully the therapist isn't trying to it's holding the space for you to process things and work through them where that's not the role of a family member or our friend really is just like their job the whole space as you process your grace build more this time like you said meditation and breathing and for many people
was he one good thing about covenants that we slow down
you know as a society we have really slow down which is time for some people they feel uncomfortable just being still
so when we talk about meditation they're like oh my gosh you know I'm afraid to be
I mean I would say that
for beginning meditators
a good way to start is by listening into an app with guided meditations because it's it's instead of just sitting there and trying to focus only on your Wrath
I'm doing this for yourself can be pretty overwhelming and so I know that like there's different apps I mean I use andesite timer and there's like 10 minutes bacon, and other one too yeah I feel like there are apps that you can download on your phone and there's different guided meditations there different lengths there's different topics that are on one that I have like a lot a type of meditation is Yoga Nidra and idra and so that is a body scan meditation very very call me before you go to bed at night. Can be helpful but there's all types of meditations and I think if you listen to something guided it helps you a little bit be more in the present and sometimes in the guided meditations that will be
times where you're just focusing on your breath
and if they're all different but I think that that can be at the app can be a teacher and I think it's a nice way to just help your brain get out of the whirling that I can get in to the fear in the worry
that gets out of control and the meditation with the yoga that you mention arm it's making it Mind Body Spirit and soul it's nothing we haven't really kind of talked so much about the the body besides the lack of sleep and course I'm for some people not eating or eating too much yeah but how important that is to you when you're talking about grief is working through all aspects of it has happened and then a lot of other people grief and Trauma become stop it get stuck in your body and we use different you know different forms of movement yoga and me a dance form called Mia at our retreats to help move that grief and get it unstuck as one one of the ways we do do that and mean
what were very holistic in the way that we deal with it I think that you have to be holistic when you're dealing with grief and Trauma is that it's not just an emotional thing it is it's your body is your soul Spirit like. Like you start questioning everything as long as you lose your face and you don't know what to believe anymore and so I'm looking at that as well yeah yeah and I'm talking about faith and is sometimes that I'm in the sense of meditation and prayer sometimes we get so overwhelmed that we don't even know how to talk to a higher power or we're just like you said stuck
or you could become angry angry angry like why is this happening and how could this happen to me and what I thought was true is not true anymore and yeah they think questions of space and belief is is very very common e x no judgement zone
can you explain that a little bit more
stop right having Grace in Grace and solve compassion for ourselves
for whatever is coming up whether it's something resurfacing something thoughts were having emotions were feeling whether it's from the present or the past it's like really trying trying to treat yourself like the definition of self-compassion is like treating yourself the same way that you would treat a good friend you can ask yourself like what I say this the way that you self talk what I say that my best friend I would never say that to anybody if you know what I need to say it to yourself but we're always hardest on ourselves always with someone and
you see that during grief what are you do how do you support
I think the biggest thing you can do is listen
because I feel that when somebody experienced the death of a loved one that you know that that that turns into a very internal experience that they on their minds they're thinking about this person all the time but then outwardly they're having you know to pretend that they're strong that they're okay to put it on a good face and the other people in our Circle or like I don't want to bring that person opposite in reality they're already thinking about that person all the time so I'm going to have to talk about the person who's died they want to say or hear their name and so again this is just part of our culture is like uncomfortable with gas but knowing like you're not going to accept that there are any upsets are already thinking about this person they're not trying to ignore it were trying to like make them ignore it right by not right but
you are so listen and engage in the remembering part is important and then I think also depending on your relationship with this person like do they need help in so they need help in posting like do they need help in like finding a way to honor this person they want to do a virtual memorial service and they need help with that either they needed GoFundMe campaign maybe that's trying to start that do they need
like maybe maybe make like a scrapbook of of that person's life like could you help them with that could you help them with cleaning things out like a very tangible things to do any of that were a little bit limited but can you do that wearing masks both wearing masks and being together
it depends but I think that there is no ways that a friend could give ideas and a help this person process it a little bit and doing tangible things I agree with you and that's what I'm talking about grief we talked about going up there sobriety forms of grief and even talking to someone and their grieving the loss of Mayhem graduation so you know suggesting hey well there's other ways that we can celebrate it you know versus the traditional you know I'm Auditorium and everybody seen at the pump it stands walking but yeah I was introduced Doom things whether I know something has been doing drive-bys yeah just
as a friend offering different ways to honor
example this is not a huge loss but my son is birthday is on Monday and kills her hand write a kid and their birthday is a big deal right and so you know we
we gave him different ideas and he plan something he planned a drive-by birthday wear it every half an hour or somebody's coming we're going to get cupcakes and then and then he's going to have a 2-hour Minecraft game with his friends online after all the drive-by something and just trying to do that that's not in the same category as
really big losses but forehead how can how can you support that child having a somewhat normal experience even under the circumstances that were under to help him feel special and have you know what whatever it is rather than saying like oh it's your birthday and it stay at home we can't do anything I'm sorry what what can we do so I think there's ways to feel like a mother and a father to their son but like as a friend you can do that in different ways as well and I am glad
positive things a little different so with all the Lost first that are coming around that you know maybe he has lots of school but they're also hearing things there he doesn't have a job to yeah how they're processing. It's really important as parents to check in
to talk about it
and they're not having seen their friends in two months late and so they're just in the house basically and I are going to the store and it's yeah it's it's a very strange time yes yeah and I know now how so we have been playing more games and doing a lot of fun even online games with her and her boyfriend but it's really important to check in because there are kind of looking at how we're processing this information and I do a lot of talks about resiliency but yeah it's how we're going to get through all this
and I would say
kids all but also for your spouse is limiting exposure to news for the kids especially like not having the news on in the background for the kids limiting social media for you also like
I think it is Liberty new news for yourself like what do you mean that looks like for me I'm really sensitive and I in general don't watch the news and so but now I know that there's things happening that I need to be aware of so all I'll ask someone like can you please tell me if there's something I need to know is that I'm aware but otherwise it just drives me down and I get overwhelmed and depressed and I just I know myself I'm too sensitive and I can't do that and so you can figure out kind of how is it impacting you is it costing you a lot more fear than necessary and maybe take a break you know
like protecting the kids I guess I agree with you I limit the amount of news I watch you know I try to just wait a little bit and I strongly suggest people not watching the news before they go to bed cuz I feel like impacts your your sleep and stuff yes yeah and also Amish we've been talkin about
it's important for us to recognize that there are some good things happening that we will not be stuck like this forever
hope it's really really important
hope is important and I think also the I still like in addition to slowing everything down people have become like we're kind to each other and a lot of people are outside like there so many people outside walking it looks like the only thing you can do is like walking to your neighborhood at least where I am right now it's just really understand like we're all in this together and
and can I be times you know and show love rather than
being in a shooting the kindness and love loving over anger fear I would you tell a always seems like a rush to me were able to slow it down because we had the time and to be patient
yeah there's like very little traffic which is nice to really would like to thank you so much for being in the Shell from you let the audience know again how we can contact you I'm also how we can maybe see the the movie Return Return to Zero
okay so the the website for the nonprofit is rtz hope.org and the movie Return To Zero can be found I believe right now it's on iTunes and Amazon Prime you can rent it on those two platforms there's also a link on The Return To Zero hope website for the the film that you can read about it as well and then my personal website is dr. Kiley hanisch. Concerts d i r k i l e y h a n i s h. Com and so there's you can email me like once you go to either of those sites and reach out
awesome and you provide individual and support groups and Retreats thank you so much for being in the show you're welcome back anytime I really got a lot of good information about how to deal with collected grief you know and how we should of course name right on red get support you know awesome meditate threes you know yes and to touch him with a variety of different things and of course to be helpful in this here I wish you all this much success and be safe out there thank you so much for having me spending honor thank you thank you thank you