By Cynthia McIntosh
Success With McIntosh

I think we all do it from time to time, whether we want to fess up to it or not.  We all talk to ourselves.  Maybe not.  I have no scientific evidence to back it up, but I think we all do it.  I'll admit, I do.  In fact, I have some pretty great conversations with myself!  Me, Myself, and I have very philosophical discussions.  We plan my week together.  We cry on my shoulder together.  We vent to me.  I'm pretty easy to talk to. (The other "person" I talk to a lot is my dog, Strawberry - she's easy to talk to, too.)

Ok, not before I've scared the heck out of you and you call someone with a white jacket to come and pick me up, I'd better get serious.

So, like I said earlier, I'd venture to guess that we all do talk to ourselves, even if it's not outloud.  But here's why I bring it up.  I find that I and others I've worked with tend to talk to ourselves in ways that are very distructive at times.  In fact, we really tend to kick ourselves when we're down, and don't even realize it!  Often we think things to ourselves and we don't even pay attention to the fact that we are doing it - at least not consciously.  But subconsciously it effects us.  And if we are in the habit of talking negatively to ourselves counsciously, we will be doing it a lot more subconsciously when we aren't aware that we are doing it.

Here's an example:

I worked with a woman who was just the sweetest woman ever.  She was full of life, she loved people, and I really enjoyed working with her.  But she was going through some really tough times.  As we started digging into her situation, I noticed that she would say things like "I can't believe I did that!  THAT was stupid!", "I can be so stupid sometimes!', "I wish I could be more like so-and-so!", or "I sure need to get my act together!".  And as I noticed these kinds of comments from her, I brought it up.  I asked her to start paying attention to how she talks to, and about, herself.  The next day she admitted to me that she not that she was paying attention to it, she found that she wakes up and immediately start telling herself how she didn't look good, she was a terrible mother, she was lazy, and so on.  So we decided to work on her self-talk.

This client happened to have a very young son, who she of course loved very much.  So I asked her how she would handle it if she caught someone talking to her son in the manner that I heard her talking to herself.  How would she react if someone walked up to her son and said "I wish you were more like so-and-so", "You really are never going to amount to anything!", or "Can't you do anything right?!".  I could see on her face that this trigered a very negative reaction in her.  The thought of it really upset her.  She was horrified.  She told me that no one, but NO ONE, would get away with talking to her son that way!  When I asked her why not, her response was "Because it's rude, insensitive, and hurtful!"  And as soon as she said that, you could see the lightbulb go on.  She knew where I was going with this.  She was right...it WAS rude, insensitive, and hurtful!  And yet she treated herself that way every day, all day!

Thankfully she started paying attention to this pattern, and started talking to herself.  When she caught herself talking negatively, she imagined her son, and started talking to herself the way she would want someone talking to her son.  She started showing herself love, compassion, and forgiveness.  And I can't begin to tell you the difference I saw in her life, almost immediately!  The change was amazing, and exciting!

The irony of it is that everyone around you can compliment you, but if you are in the habit of being hard on yourself, those compliments won't stick.  If someone tells you you just came up with a brilliant idea, you will immediately think to yourself "Right.  Sure.  Anyone else would have come up with the same thing!".  If someone told you that you looked beautiful, you would negate it by telling yourself how wrong that person was.  Yoi won't hear the compliments.  BUT the minute someone said something negative or uncomplimentary, you will jump on it and take it as gospel...it will confirm that everything you've been saying to yourself is true.  It truly is important to pay attention to how you talk to yourself and what you think of yourself.  You are special, you have a unique sets of talents and gifts, and you have a purpose on this earth.  You are here for a reason, and you are loved.  There ARE people in your life, or who will be in your life, who love you and need you.  But if you are constantly cutting yourself down, insulting yourself, and condemning yourself, you will never reach your potential.

So go celebrate who you are!  Celebrate your successes!  Congratulate yourself on your achievements!  Encourage and support yourself through the tough times.  Give yourself credit for what you have accomplished and forgive yourself for your mistakes and wrong doings along the way.  Take your failures as a learning experience, and be sure that you turn them into a powerful part of your success story!  You deserve it!

You ARE unique
You ARE special
You ARE amazing
You ARE loved
You have a purpose

Pay attention to how you talk to yourself this week.  Do you have a habit of negative self-talk?  If so, what are you going to do to break the habit?  How has learning to speak more positively to yourself and about yourself affected your life?  Please share your story, and if you know someone who could be helped by this blog, please share it with them!

To your success,
Cynthia McIntosh

If you need help creating a positive focus and vision for your life, we'd love to hear from you.  We are hear to help and would be thrilled to be a part of your success story.  Feel free to contact us, and we look forward to hearing from you!

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